panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[Sparkles183]

Hi JAcques
   I still need to get a medical clearance to go on work experience and the deadline is Friday, and my TAFE has given me more the 10 weeks to get one  but every time I visit GP I get anxiety and fear what they  will think about me, although after every visit I feel ok( I don’t think I have ever visited the GP so much then I have in the last year) I have been going every 2 to 4 weeks in the last 6 months to the point that the receptionist knows me by name every time I walk in.

the last time I went I did mention the medical clearance but I thought she ignored me but if I think about it she was to focused on  trying to make me see a psychologist and investigating why I was sick at that time, but I am feeling better now and maybe if I go back this week she will give me a clearance.

I have been tempted to go to another GP and put on my mask and hide my depression and anxiety so I can get a clearance, but I been thinking if I do go back to her this week I am being honest with myself and if she thinks I am to unwell she will be honest and will say it to protect my wellbeing, but I do hope my GP will let me go.

You are so lucky that you have your mum to protect you I have no one so I just have to do my best to look after myself.

Anyway I am going away for a few days so I will be off line Looking forward to talking to you again soon I am glad you had a good weekend.

have a good week

Sparkles

[AGrace]

Hi All,

Wow, i cant believe the amount of conversation that's been going on here since my last post. I think you guys are amazing to have the courage to support one another whilst still supporting yourselves! 

So I'm posting from the heart of the Daintree rainforest, and it's truly beautiful here. It's pitch black at the moment because it's not quite 5am. The trip didn't get off to a great start because i had a panic attack on the plane...I then cried for half an hour wanting to just get off. I'm not the best of air travellers in normal conditions but some pretty severe turbulence added to the heightened level of discomfort. I realised at this point how invalidating it feels when someone tells you "it will be ok". My poor partner, no doubt he felt helpless,  but he persisted and managed to talk me through some mindfulness which eventually worked. 

The rest of the holiday has been amazing. So much wilderness and wildlife. Yesterday we took a river cruise to spot some crocodiles. One of them was 5m long, lucky we were in the boat. We also drove out to Cape Tribulation where we stood at the edge of Australia on a pristine beach, with water that was so warm you could bathe in it. We stopped off at this ice cream shop in the middle of nowhere, where they grow their own fruits and turn them into ice cream. In the evenings we've been swimming and then relaxing over dinner at our retreat. The calls of nature are incredible to go to sleep to and wake up to.

Today we're going on a boat cruise out to the great barrier reef with the intention of doing some snorkeling. I haven't committed to this part yet, but i am looking forward to the glass bottom boat rides. 

Sparkles I'm glad you decided to join the chats, and you're right, these guys are inspirational and very warm and compassionate. 

I look forward to chatting again when i get back. Take care guys.

Amber

[Little_Rascal]

Sounds beautiful 🙂

Names are Barry, Pepper, Kaddie, Einstein and Shadow 

[jacques]

Hi Amber,

Sound like a good holliday, i know what you mean about the aeroplanes, i as in a plane crash when i was 17, no one was injured but it was quite a fright, but it sounds like you are having a great time, i hope you managed the scuba diving, it would be beautiful seeing the aquatic life in the great barrier reef. 

sounds like the holliday is just what you and your partner needed, have fun and speak to you when you get home.

Hi Sparkles,

i hope the doctors appointment went ok, it would be a shame to have wasted 2 years of TAFE, i was lucky i did not have to do work experiance when i was their, but i did pass most of my subjects with flying colours.

yes i am lucky to have mm to protect me from the outside world, not many parents would allow their children to be protected this way and allow them to think what they want, i know it is tuff for mum to hear that i don't want to be here any more, but she understands and is ok with it.

you are right your mental health is more important, i was wondering if you could talk to the TAFE councillors, and see if they could give you an extention or exemption from the work experiance until you are a little better? just a thought.

anyway i hope all works out for you:)

Hi LR,

what cute names, i bet they are full of energy, gettignup to all types of mischef:)

i understand what you are going through with being fearful of posting reguarding the emails, i almost stopped too, but sparkles talked me out of it, but it is upsetting and sometimes frustrating, i never know what i am allowed to write or even trying to reword the message does not work sometimes, i feel one has to be careful not ot be too depressing.

anyway i hope things are going ok for you after the wedding, is life getting back to normal? it is ok if you don't want to say.

give your ferrets a cuddle for me;)

Bye Everyone, try to have a good week, and happy Melbourne cup day to all:)

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

you are probebly on work experiance now, but i mentioned in a post that didn't go through that you can see TAFE councillors to get an exeption or an extention for work placement if you need some time to get your mental health better, your health is so much more important.

you are right i am so lucky to have a mother who protects me so much, and to have someone to help me do anything outside the house, their would not be too many parents who would put up with what she has had to endure.

Hi Amber,

wow sounds fantastic, their is nothing like wildlife is their? i know what you mean about flying, i was in a plane crash when i was 17, no one was hurt, but it was frightning, but you made it and that is all that matters (and now enjoying yourself),  the boat ride sounds nice, to see all of the barrier reef and the aquatic life will be amazing.

looking forward to talking to you on your return.

Hi LR,

the ferrets sound so cute, and neat names, i take it einstein is the one always escaping, LOL;) i bet they get up to all kinds of trouble.

i have had the same problems being fearful with posting after emails.  i nearly stoped posting altogether, but sparkles talked me out of it, but i too am worried and second guessing what i write, i hope you are able to write sometime when you feel ok about it.

how are you coping after the wedding? has your partner calmed down? i understand you are going through a tough time so please don't feel like you have to answer.

take care guys and girls, and happy Melbourne cup day to all:)

Jacques

[angelite]

Hi Jacques

I hope your weekend was OK and you managed to spend some time in the garden.

Having a difficult day and struggling to get stuff posted. I agree with you that it's difficult not to sound too depressed because the last thing I want to do is bring anyone else down.

Back to the car I think I need a day of isolation.

Wow must have been terrifying to be in a plane accident at such a young age. I hope no one was hurt. I was wondering if that's when some of your anxiety started. Sure would have been traumatic.

I don't like flying too many people, and things to worry about my mind just takes over. Amber is so brave challenging herself to do things that she finds difficult.

I am thinking of you and hope you are doing ok

Take care

Karen

[jacques]

HiKaren,i hope your day in the car is relaxing, you are so lucky, i find it to hard to drive otherwise i would do the same;)the weekend was good i did some renovations to mum's house.i am sorry to hear thst you are having a tough day, i seem to have more tough days than good, i hope you are the opposite.no it wasn't too distressing i was flying in a friends private plane when the engine cut out, the only injury was me with a sprained ancle, the plane was damaged though.  we went flying the next weekend with no problems.i didn't realise the plane had problems until we hit the ground i passed out before we hit the ground so i don't remember much of it, which probably helps.  but i have no problems flying.  strainge isn't it i can go through that and bo anxiety , but the rest of my life is a fearful existance.anyway i am having another day locked inside my house and trying to do something to keep busy.take care and i hope you get though the rough daybyejacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi Jacques

I start work experience next Monday and my appointment with the GP is tomorrow my normal GP is on leave so I am going to see someone else from the same clinic.

So how is your renovating going?

 I just came back from a couple of days away staying in the rainforest it was so nice to get away from the stress of the suburbs for a couple of days.

  hi Amber  

Thank you for being so kind, I hope you enjoyed your time away.

North Queensland is a nice place to holiday and the reef is spectacular.

 I also wish you all the best with your studies please make sure that you keep making time to relax away from your studies and treat yourself sometimes I know studying can be very stressful and I don’t wish that stress on anyone so  please be kind to yourself.

I hope everyone is having a good week.

Sparkles

[Little_Rascal]

Sorry guys I will properly reply tomorrow.

Going to go back to gardening I think.  

Yup Einstein is an escape artist just like his mum pepper 😛 

Barry is my albino boy and my main man, a total gem. 

Good luck with the new Dr, sparkles and the work experience.  

Jacques, look at you helping so many people and coming out of your shell. I too don't fear actual fears. Only ones in my head

[AGrace]

Hi Sparkles,

I hope you don't mind me replying to your post, only when I read it, so much resonated with me. I understand those fearful thoughts that others dislike you, and that you have to pre-prepare what you are going to say before you speak in case it offends or comes out wrong or is judged by others.

What I have found is that most of our thoughts seem to stem from our own inner critic rather than what others truly think. I know I, like many others, can be my own worst enemy at times, particularly when my thoughts are on a negative spiral. I often walk into a room pre-prepared that others won't like me and will think anything I say is worthless. It often results in me putting up some unnecessary protective barriers, including turning everything I say into something jovial, or refraining from speaking in order not to be judged.

I wondered if you practice mindfulness? I know it's a technique that is thrown around as the be all and end all, but what I've discovered is that if you truly commit to practicing it properly it can be extremely helpful. It's not just about a couple of breathing exercises and then everything will be perfect. It's about truly being in the moment, not judging self or others, not getting hooked on thoughts, accepting that thoughts will always be there but they are usually never factual, experiencing emotions without labelling them as good or bad, and not thinking about past or future. It's taken me almost a year to really understand and reap its benefits, but it has been really worthwhile as a lifelong skill.

I'm not sure whether you have read many of my earlier posts to Jacques, but I also talk a lot about a guru called Tara Brach, you might find some of her youtube clips inspiring, she really makes some really valid points. I also highly recommend Brene Brown, she has a book and website and has spent many years researching vulnerability. I'm also reading a book at the moment called What's Holding You Back? Its by a lady called Sam Horn and it's a really good guide to regaining confidence in communicating with others, doing things you want to do, getting to where you want to go. I'm only 1/3 of the way in and I'm already a fan.

I hope this helps.

Amber