OCD around drinking and not remembering parts of my night

[strawberryqueen]

Hi there,

I wake up the day after drinking heavily ( sometimes not remembering parts of the night) feeling guilty and ashamed wondering what I did and said. I start to think of worst case scenario's and create situations in my head which creates doubt and worry all day long. I hate feeling like this as I know I would never do anything bad to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend or close friends. I love my boyfriend so much, however my OCD comes into play and I start to overthink and worry about all sorts of things that I could have done or said. I trust myself to not do anything to potentially ruin my relationships. However, my OCD overtakes my mind and creates horrible anxiety. I also have to double check things when leaving the house as I think i haven't done it e.g. turning off the stove. I am seeking professional help to sort my anxiety and OCD out. Please tell me these feelings are completely normal and I am not going insane.

Thanks

[Peppermintbach]

Hi strawberryqueen,

You sound as thought you’re feeling very stressed, overwhelmed and maybe a bit frazzled. The constant fear and worry must be so draining....

Even though you know that you wouldn’t do anything hurtful towards anyone else, I feel it would be hard when your OCD tries to tell you otherwise. I imagine when you’re stressed that maybe your thoughts start spiralling or escalating, hence stressful worse case scenarios come up...I feel for you. That would be so draining...

I admittedly don’t have OCD personally, but I know there are other forum members who struggle with it. I understand it can be very difficult and it can really affect a person’s daily life...

I absolutely don’t think you’re going “insane” as you put it though. What I think you are is just someone who is stressed and struggling, and is feeling maybe overwhelmed. I think it’s commendable that you’re seeking help and that you’re opening up here 🙂

Kind and caring thoughts to you,

Pepper

[Here_I_am]

Hi strawberryqueen,

It sounds like this would be a very stressful loop to find yourself in.

May I ask how often you find yourself drinking heavily to the point of not being able to remember details of the night before? This level of drinking is not healthy or sustainable, and I want to encourage you to consider drinking at safe (or safer) levels when you do drink. Alcohol and medications rarely mix well either, so if you are on any regular meds, limiting alcohol intake will only do you and your mind good - or at least no harm. 🙂

It sounds like a "chicken and the egg" situation - we drink, we 'black out', we wake up feeling horrible, we worry about what we did the night before... then enters the OCD, and a very different roller coaster ride begins. It becomes difficult to separate what is stemming from the hangover/alcohol consumption, and what is stemming from the OCD.

Is moderating your drinking something you feel you can do? From your post, I am left with the impression that this is happening regularly, or at least more regularly that you would like. Gaps in memory as a result of drinking are ideally an occasional experience that a person might look back on their lifetime having a handful of these drinking stories.

Talk soon.

[strawberryqueen]

Hi here I am,

Thank you for your response.

I am not a regular heavy drinker.However, when I do drink I think the alcohol gets to me a lot faster hence why I can’t remember some parts of the night. It all catches up to me.

I have decided to stop drinking altogether as I don’t always drink when I go out. The anxiety of past experiences drinking gives me anxiety. I can still have fun not drinking so I think I am going to choose this pathway. Therefore, I will have less of these anxious drinking experiences the day after drinking.

Look forward to your response

[strawberryqueen]

Hi peppermintbach,

Thank you for your reply and advice. It has helped a lot and made me see clearer about the situation I am currently experiencing.