New Year not so good

Bookgirl

Hi, i have chronic anxiety and my triggers are war and basically the news. So the USA election and all the fires in LA have been overwhelming to me. I try to keep myself sane by not watching news, have got rid of all the news feeds in apps etc but it's impossible to totally avoid. I hear something and then spiral for days. Hasn't helped that my husband lost his job just before xmas and i have to worry about paying the mortgage as well. I know i shouldn't dwell on things i can't change but i am over 50 and this is a lifelong issue for me. I want to just live for now and it just feels like i can't turn off the constant negative information in my head that tortures me. Somedays i can't get out of bed and then i feel like i am such a loser because of it.

Rachel_25

Good on you for knowing your triggers and doing your best to avoid it. Sometimes I try to set aside a moment either at the beginning of the day (or whenever I have a moment) to jot down the things that worry me: 1. What are topics or themes that I am able to empathise but cannot control, and 2. What issues are immediately affecting me and where/if I might have ability to improve or influence. (Eg. We’re in Australia and the fires in LA are devastating. Can we control or influence what is happening there? No. Can we feel upset for the people who have lost lives and literally their entire homes? Yes, absolutely. Can we do anything to help? Not really (unless you’re a firefighter and can hop on a plane to aid the efforts or an emergency response person). It’s sometimes easier to see devastation experienced by others through the lens of human resilience. We are amazing creatures and withstand so much. Eg. Closer to home, the Black Saturday Fires were truly devastating and yet we are resilient. The devastation brought out the best of humanity, and eventually it got better and people recovered.

I’m sorry your partner lost their job and financial concerns like paying the mortgage are an additional stressor. They will equally be feeling unhappy that their role to financially support the repayments is no longer there/ no longer the same. It’s important that together you understand and agree they will eventually find a new role, although it might not be the same earning capacity or the ideal of what they originally had. The point is they will get back on the wagon and supporting one another to face the day is something you can do for one another. Until then, if finances become unbearable, together you can visit a bank or financial advisor to understand your options and where you might be able to rework/reduce spending to make ends meet until you’re both back to full earning capacity. Take care, you’re not alone and you’re doing so well. You’ve got this.

Bookgirl

Have good and bad days. Not feeling good today. Feeling very anxious. We have a heatwave here, news is bad. I try not to worry but it just gets me. Husband has had some health issues lately which aren't helping. I feel so overwhelmed by everything.

navailableu

its good you try to restrict your exposure to your triggers, even if the efforts are occasionally in vain. you mentioned the constant negative thoughts, and what has worked for me in the past is taking extra time to notice the little things in your life that bring you joy, such as laughing with your husband and having a roof over your head. im young and have limited experience with this stuff but it has helped me in the past and i hope it does the same for you, prayers with you and your family.

therising

Hi Bookgirl

Intensely feeling people can be the most beautiful, compassionate and caring of people yet they can also be the people who suffer most in this world. My heart goes out to you as you try your hardest to navigate being such a deeply feeling person ❤️

I've found that being deeply feeling can have mental elements to it, physical elements and natural or soulful elements.

Mentally, we can feel what runs through our imagination, so there's a need to manage the imagination and what we imagine. We can feel the different elements of us, such as the stresser in us, the pessimist in us, the harsh and brutal inner critic and so on. So, the different elements that go toward making up the whole of who we are also need to be managed at times, especially when it comes to the inner dialogue that comes with them and how that is felt. The belief systems we feel can also need management in the way of complete change or at the very least some modification. The list of mental triggers or factors goes on
Physically, we can feel the impact of our chemistry. We can feel the impact of ongoing high levels of cortisol and the exhausting side effects. We can feel imbalances, such as too much of one thing and not enough of other forms of chemistry. Chemistry is a form of energy and there are times when we can feel that energy in motion (as e-motion) or not feel it, when there's a deficiency. While some choose to manage their chemistry naturally in a variety of ways, others feel no choice but to manage it with the help of chemistry condensed into medications. Chemistry and biology are areas of study which can help explain why we feel life in the ways we do, as physical creatures. Another physical element, when it comes to how we feel, involves the fact we're designed to feel through our nervous system (which can seriously challenge and exhaust it at times)
Naturally, we're born to feel. The question becomes 'How do I need to manage my natural born ability to feel?'. To say it's not easy would have to be an understatement at times, that's for sure. When we're spending the whole of our life tapping into new feelings or emotions, learning to feel becomes a life long experience. I've found with each significant challenge in life comes a new feeling or new set of feelings. For highly sensitive people, who can sense feelings and emotions really easily (a gift and a curse at times), learning how to feel or sense in strategic ways becomes an absolute must. For sensitive people, it's not necessarily just about their own emotions, it can also involve being able to feel other people's emotions too. The list of natural ways in which we can feel can be extensive, which can help explain the ongoing overwhelm we experience at times. The art of emotional detachment can involve an entire skill set

Rachel_25 mentions something that may be able to lead you to feel some sense of relief or breathing space. If you speak to your loan manager, they might be able to rework your mortgage to be more manageable under the circumstances. This is something you could ask your husband to look into, seeing he has more free time than you at the moment. In other words, don't add it to the list of all the things you have to do, leading you to feel a growing list. My husband and I have visited our bank in the past, extending our loan out for an added number of years in order to make the weekly mortgage repayments less. Then when our financial situation improved, we reformed it again back to what it originally was (higher weekly repayments over less years).