Hi,
I’ve had trouble socialising for a long time now, maybe 10 years and I’ve never reached out for help. I’m ok at small talk but anything deeper and my mind goes blank. I have trouble being myself around others and speaking my mind when I need to stand up for myself. If I’m put in the spot my heart races and I feel breathless which makes everything worse.
Every day I leave work and uni feeling more insecure and upset because I can’t connect with people and it hurts to see how it comes so naturally to others while I’m struggling. It hurts to see people happily making friends when it’s so hard for me. I’m turning 30 this year and still have no friends since the ones I made during school and I haven’t spoken to them in years either because my anxiety made me act weird around them so they stopped asking me out. I never date and if I’m being honest I don’t like going anywhere because I feel so disconnected from the world.
I’m just not sure what I can do or where to begin. I want to change but at the same time I don’t because I’m more comfortable being alone where I know I won’t feel this anxiety. I’ve tried eating well, exercising and fixing my sleeping habits but I always fall back into the same routine of just doing nothing on my days off and it makes me feel like a loser, but I know if someone asked me to go out I would probably say no because I’m my own enemy. Just looking for some advice because I’m tired of feeling this pain everyday. And I’m frustrated with myself for not even wanting to try anymore.
