New to the forum 🙂

[Frangipani25]

Hello, I've never done anything like this before so I guess I will just start at the beginning of the story that has led me here today.

I've suffered with mild anxiety for over 15 years, in my late teens. it got worse after the traumatic birth of my youngest daughter 10 years ago. Afterwards I was diagnosed with PND.

Since then add in an abusive relationship with my children's father, a divorce, court proceedings, custody battle, remarried, and change of location of 400kms away from my hometown it's fair to say I've been through a lot.

About 6 months ago I started having panic attacks at work. I've had a few of these over the years, and only a handful quite debilitating. However my workplace was one of very negative energy. This obviously began affecting me, and as a result I resigned from there early Jan this year. Since then i spent a good month of daily to every second day experiencing an attack, have become mostly housebound and need to drive my children the 9 houses up to school each day as the thought of walking scares the life out of me. The 'what if' comes into mind. thankfully the panic attacks are nowhere near as frequent, and now mostly consist of chest tightening and feeling abit odd.

After leaving work I saw a dr who diagnosed me with PTSD (traumatic birth), anxiety and debilitating panic attacks. I am currently in the care of a psychologist, but am finding the things that are getting brought up are so upsetting I feel so much worse after the visit.

To make matters worse my husband and I have been trying over 2 years to fall pregnant. I do believe that is where my fear of birthing again, as well as medical procedures has come from. clearly we won't be getting pregnant whilst I am in this kind of state, which adds further stress to it all.

Add in social phobia, medical phobia and being a little too dependent on my husband to always be there, things are pretty glum atm.

Any help, support or advice is so greatly appreciated. sorry for the novel and thankyou to anyone who has made it this far in reading my post.

[Frangipani25]

I will add also that I've experienced 3 miscarriages, only 1 of those requiring invasive medical attention.

Have experienced fears of dying, vomiting, developing cancer, seeing blood, fainting in public. All of these fears have developed from something that has happened in my life.

Dying - miscarriages. Vomiting - after having gastro and choking on it. cancer - a close friend was diagnosed. Blood and fainting go hand in hand - fainting after having my second daughter (required blood transfusion) and then twice having blood tests (I do require being layed down, neither of those times they could do this) have fainted other times during my life though.

The social side of things and not wanting to leave the house comes down to limiting contact with people that could potentially start up a 'medical' convo discussing queasy things. And I little bit of not fainting in public.

[Gruffudd]

Hi there,

welcome to the forums.

It sounds like a lot to be thinking about, and some overwhelming emotions too.

I have sometimes felt worse after seeing my psychologist too. I decided to tell her. I'm glad I did because we were able to identify what I was thinking, feeling, and doing and break the cycle of what was going on there. Have you raised this with yours? How did it go?

So I also notice some things that are sad. Like having a miscarriage when you and your partner are trying for a child. Respecting that you need to work through those things seems important. It sounds like you have some mixed feelings given the fears created from your last experience of having a child. That too seems like something you need support with.

Here on the forums there are plenty of people with experience in their own lives, I have found participating in conversation helpful to work through my own story. It is good to know that you are not alone and that there are others who care to listen and share the journey.

Rob.

[Frangipani25]

Hi Rob,

thankyou for taking the time to respond to my post.

Youre right, I have far too many overwhelming emotions and finding it hard to process them all. And yes my fears on pregnancy alone are very overwhelming. As my husband doesn't have children of his own, it is his one desire to have at least one so I do feel slightly cornered on that subject.

Thats a great idea to approach my psychologist to let her know how I'm feeling after each appointment. I will discuss this with her at my next appointment. I have really clicked with this one so I know she will take my concerns on board.

thankyou again for your support. It is comforting to know I am not alone in this as I don't have anyone close to me that truly understands what having anxiety/panic attacks is like.

Thankyou 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Frangipani25,

I'm sorry to read what you are going through. I am happy to see you are getting the medical attention you deserve, I read above that you clicked with the psychologist, which is great and walking out feeling upset sometimes isn't that bad, it almost means they are getting through to you, but like Gruffudd said, advising her of how you are feeling is important to the recovery process and they can try and work around it and make you leave more relieved that there is a weight off your shoulder more so than feeling there has been more added to it.

Are you currently looking for new work or are you working, I do find it takes some of the pressure of with mental health due to the fact it is a distraction, of course if you are in the right positive work place as well.

My best for you,

Jay