New job, renewed anxiety

[Nervybella]

Hi everyone, I'm recently graduated and landed my first ever full time job, so I should be over the moon right? Well I'm not.

To give some background my training school helps students look for employment (which happened to me). The school warned me before this interview that the boss was notoriously hard to work for. I went ahead to the interview not feeling confident and two days later I was told I had the job. I was apprehensive from the get go and since starting my anxiety has reached new levels. Without going into too much detail there has been a number of occasions in my first week that have left me feeling anxious and embarrassed.

I've come home crying every night and my partner says I should quit. Part of me sides with him because I don't think it's normal to feel so strongly, and also not fair on myself or my family to see me like this.

At the same time I feel like such a failure because I can't seem to stick with anything I start because of my anxiety. I hate that I'm stressing my family out as well.

Also if I quit then what do I do, sure it will probably alleviate my anxiety but who says it won't return when I get another job.

i think I just need to hear from some people that don't know me and aren't emotionally invested in my story. I would love your opinion and hear of similar stories

[pipsy]

Dear Nervybella. Firstly, congratulations for landing this job, quite a feather for you. However, your boss sounds like he could be a bit of a force to be reckoned with. Can I ask if you enjoy the actual job? If your boss was called away, for instance, would you feel confident enough to work without his presence? If your job is distressing you, this business of your bosses hard-line approach would be adding to your obvious apprehension. Are you able to perhaps try for a transfer to another area? I'm unsure whether you are in an office situation with one boss and no support. Is your boss approachable, if you could try to talk to him about how anxious you are feeling (he can't bully you, that's illegal), ask him to be a bit patient till you feel a bit more comfortable. If his hard-line approach is his nature, you either have to accept or move on. As for your feeling of being a failure, no definitely not. A failure is someone who refuses to try, you've given it a go, you haven't failed. If you have to leave, look on it as an education, you've learned something about 'you'. We learn something new about ourselves everyday, somethings are useful, others are things we 'store' for future reference. What you have learned from this experience, 'store', it for reference on what you can do.

Lynda

[SubduedBlues]

Hi Nervybella

Congrat's on getting a job after completing your education. Now I am presuming that you have a 3-6 month trial period for the job, which is normal. This trial period is to ensure that you are a good fit for the company; and allows the company to terminate you without showing just cause at any time during the trial period. What most people forget to understand, is that this trial period is also there to ensure that the company fits with you, and that you can terminate your employment with them without providing any reason. The trial period is a two way street.

In understanding the above, it is important to note that you are more employable when you are employed. Since you are finding the boss with the new job to be over the top, and possibly a bit too much for you, may I suggest:

* keep going to work and putting in the effort
* put yourself back in the job market
* find the job you want to have, instead of just-a-job. (you already have a just-a-job job)
* double check your employment contract, but in most you are able to quit employment without having to serve out the notice period (if doing so during the trial period).

Best wishes

SB

[Nervybella]

Thankyou for your response, to answer your questions, it's a very small office, and so far I haven't met the other two workers. That's happening this week. I'm not sure if I like the actual job because I'm not even doing it, I'm doing menial little tasks to make my bosses life easier. I definitely don't feel comfortable telling my boss about my current state of mind and that's definitely making an impact. I've made an appointment to see my psych, which means taking some time off, and when I told my boss they said I wasn't entitled to have any time off and made quite a big deal out of ringing HR to see if I was allowed a few hours off to go to an appointment.

Im trying really hard to see this as a learning experience but it's effecting me in ways that my anxiety hasn't done before. I'm not eating, I only sleep for a few hours a night and it's not sound sleep, I cry all the way to work and all the way home...I'm coming close to my wits end

[pipsy]

Hi Nervybella. I'm sort of inclined to agree with S.B on this one. The trial period seems to indicate you and the job are not 'agreeing'. Perhaps start looking for a more suitable job before you leave this one. It's your first job and often we find we have to keeping searching. Your anxiety is stopping you from enjoying life and that also tells me this job is not 'you'. I reiterate here, you have not failed, this is your first job and it simply didn't work, that isn't a sign of failure, it simply means it didn't work. Don't beat yourself up over it, you gave it your best shot.

Lynda

[Nervybella]

I would also love to hear some people's experiences with severe anxiety and new jobs. Has anyone out there ever quit after a week? I feel like I'm the only one on the world this is happening to

[Janey123]

Hi Nervybella,

You aren't alone in the world, I hear you!

Two years ago, I won a short term contract post-graduation, and when it was not extended as everyone had led me to expect (and I was a tad naive), it wasn't communicated well by management and I was left shattered and confused. I developed an extremely severe anxiety disorder and a mild depression in the following months. In my mind I had failed big time, thinking that if I was a spectacular employee, they never would have let me go and kept someone else on. Shame, failure, anger, hurt.. I was all in it! I managed to keep a brave face with my employer and won the job back for a few more consecutive short term contracts, and last month, permanently. Unfortunately the anxiety has not gone away with my newfound job security. I have simply found new elements of it to get anxious about/terrified of. I have melt downs before I do any form of public speaking, I've lost a lot of my confidence even speaking to my colleagues (almost two years on)..

I'm telling you this, because I don't want you to fall into the trap I did, thinking that it was all external stuff that caused my issues. It's internal, and will probably show up in varying degrees wherever you go next. Getting my job back permanently didn't mean my anxiety went away. I even got anxious on my pacific island holiday last month.. who gets anxious poolside in paradise?? Me apparently...!

I live rural, so don't have a other options to do this work in my chosen field without relocating my family, however if you can find employment elsewhere in an acceptable time frame (acceptable to you that is), I would recommend being kind to yourself and finding employment that will be kinder and more flexible for you while you treat your anxiety with your psych. These work places do exist, I've seen plenty, don't settle.

You did not fail- he did as a good employer in reality. It takes a huge amount of courage and self love to admit that this job doesn't do you any good. One of my favourite Instagram quotes 'if something seems off, it is' and this place seems wrong for you.

If you can't leave yet, find a psych to see on the weekend maybe? Mine works Saturdays for his clients. Move onwards and upwards, at your own gentle pace 🙂

Please let us know what you decide.

Janey

[Nervybella]

Hi Janey,

thats exactly what I needed to hear THANKYOU! after another crappy day i have decided to resign.

I tried to tell my boss this today however they were "too busy to talk right now". I'd got all prepared and psyched up to tell them and to be crushed like that was so so hard. So now I have to wait till morning to speak to them. Another sleepless night is on the way.

everyone around me is telling me to look after myself and put my health first, I wish I could see it the same way as everyone else does. It's so easy in theory, but actually practising it is something else entirely.

I hope for my own sake that my anxiety eases once I leave this situation, but I am absolutely terrified that this will be my life, and I won't be able to ever feel excited or happy about anything I do.

Thats all I want in my life right now, to feel better 😞

thanks for chatting, sometimes you just need to vent

[SubduedBlues]

Nervybella

before you resign, have a chat with HR or your boss (if there isn't a HR department, you said small office) about your anxiety issues and see if there is a middle ground or something that you can work with.

you have nothing to lose by asking

if the answer is 'no' and you still feel too uncomfortable to stay, only then should you consider resignation.

let us know how you go
SB

[Guest6093]

Hi Nervybella,

I know exactly how you feel! I was working in a job I didn't particularly like for 2 years and tried to make it work. In the end, I had had enough of feeling unsafe, unwanted and unheard of in my own job that when I finally confronted my boss that this was the situation I got yelled at. After that, I quit.

But, what I would like to say is this. I had no backup plan and I knew that my own attitude was not great and that I could have taken a more positive spin on things (but this was before my spiritual awakening has taught me). After leaving my job I thought I would find a new job easily but that wasn't to be the case. So much so I was on a low wage, even went to Centrelink for almost a year with no help in finding a position, then working a casual job that paid only enough for me to survive on. And all of this at the time I finally found someone (my first relationship), got married and had our beautiful daughter. Even now, I'm still struggling as I finally found what I want to do and received a job offer, however this offer comes at the expense of a casual trial for 3 months with absolutely no guarantees.

I think the best advice I can give you is don't give up on things yet. You've only just started and you don't know what offers will come along. Added, there's no problem with you looking for other work. If you're crying to and from work, give your life some more meaning by searching for jobs, trying to improve your thinking, meditation is great. You also need to stand up for yourself. You don't deserve to be treated this way. No one deserves to be treated in a way they think is disrespectful and unfortunately people don't know unless you say something. In my case, on Monday I am going in and asking them specifically to organise what hours and what shifts I am working and in the future to tell people this 'casual clause' before they are hired.

We are being treated by animals from all these larger companies who are refusing to care. As long as someone does the job for them, they don't have to deal with it themselves and it's unfortunate as many people I'm sure would love to stay in places they feel treat them with respect and gratitude.

Make sure whatever your decisions that YOU are the one who is happy with it. YOU deserve the best as we all do.

R