New job making me anxious and depressed

[aivilo45]

Hi all,

I started a new job this week and it is making me feel extremely anxious and depressed. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I feel very isolated at the job, everyone has their friends and I feel as though im kind of off to the side, awkardly sitting there. I am not overly fond of my team leader either, everyone sucks up to her and she clearly loves herself but im not about that.

For some background info, i struggled a lot during highschool with friendships and this job is really triggering old emotions for me. The job itself is just ok, the work is hard and I know i still have a lot to learn. I know we have to work to make a living, but I just hate it. I always say to myself if this is what my job is going to be like and life is going to be like then whats the point of me being here (I am not going to do anything to myself). But i just get into that state of mind. I dont want to have to keep going to work everyday having panic attacks, and crying when I go to the bathroom or on my lunch break. I have amazing support at home from my loved ones, partner and friends but sometimes I just feel like no one gets it and that Im stuck in a hole.

I haven't had a secure job for some time, either the manager being a bully or the job messing me about. So i have then had to leave the job, I feel as though I am somewhat self sabotaging at this point with any new job. 

My parents are both worried about me at the moment as Im really anxious and depressed, and in the past I was super close to attempting but called lifeline who sent police to my house, and seeing my parents and brother cry made me so upset, so I would never do that again (and I am not planning on it).

I just want some advice and strategies please:

How do i deal with people I dont like at work?

How do i deal with the anxiety of going to work everyday?

How do I not think the worst and have those bad thoughts when i have had a bad day?
how do i feel with feeling isolated at work and like no one likes me?

Thankyou. 

[Mark Z.]

Hi aivilo45,

Thank you for sharing your story and describing your questions so clearly. It must be very frustrating for you.

I'm not a mental health professional, but an an HR I can give you some advice:

1. From your observation, do you think the company culture and your team culture is toxic in general? If your answer is no, 'no one likes you' may be an imagination. Try to start with approaching more easy-going colleagues and you are likely to get some positive feedback and support, then try to expand your network gradually (don't push yourself too hard).

2. Trust your expertise and let your talent shine. It's not possible for you to take over everything for your role in such a short period, but you can start with a few urgent and important tasks to achieve some Quick-Win. It will encourage yourself to make further progress and also impress your team.

3. Try to be a good team player, especially provide good support to other team members when you need to do some tasks together. Your warm support will help you gain more trust.

4. Seek professional support. Check if your company has Employee Assistance Program (EAP), providing free mental health related counselling and coaching. Everything you talk will be kept confidential to your employer. If EAP is not available you can see your GP or psychologist for professional support. 

5. Try to identify the triggers for your anxiety. Every time when you have panic attack, analyse what could possibly be the exact trigger. You will be more resilient when you understand yourself better. If it's hard for you to tell, you can talk about it with your EAP counsellor or your doctor.

6. Stay open to your family and close friends after work. Share your stories and feeling, good or bad. It is important that you have someone to talk to outside your work.

7. Set boundaries between work and life, make sure you have enough time to rest, have quality sleep, eat healthy food, have regular exercise. Take good care of yourself.

Hope it helps a bit.

Mark

[ShayK]

Hi Aivilo, 

Starting a new job is already so stressful and a massive life change in itself. As a mental health coach I have some experience in my own personal circumstances when dealing with my own anxiety and confidence with a new job. 

1. Just like in your school, and at work there will be people that will present themselves and we can have disagreements with. You don't have to deal with them per say, stay courteous and polite without needing to feel like you're "sucking up to them". 

2. The anxiety tips I can give you and have helped me and my clients immensely is a few breathing techniques. Before going into work, teak 10-15mins to breath and stay present. List the 5 things you can see, hear, smell, taste and touch. Being more present in the moment can steer you away from your thoughts. Sometimes our mind can create stories of situations that may not happen. 

3. Bad thoughts/bad days does not equal a bad life. Reflect back on your loved ones, your family and your friends. When you do have these days, practice gratitude and remember what you're grateful for. This practice works when you close your eyes and picture your loved ones. 

4. I agree with what Mark suggested is to slightly introduce yourself or say, good morning/ good evening and bye to colleagues regularly, remember they don't know you yet. They may think they same way you are and not know how to approach you? Or they are very comfortable at work, so introduce yourself, maybe try, "Hi, my name is ..., I work in... I notice you work in here... how long have you've been working in this company for..?" Asking them why questions will entice a conversation. 

I hope this helps and it is only a matter of time where you will feel amazingly comfortable in your new role <3.