New job anxiety

[Rachos]

I started a new job about 2 months ago and have been gradually facing more and more problems with my anxiety, largely as a result of my perceived poor job performance and my own personal job satisfaction.

Initially I felt that the work was less stimulating or challenging than my previous role, this role is far more administrative and has much less autonomy on projects. Initially I felt like my skills were far above what was required for the job. But then I started to get really critical feedback on my work from my supervisor. I think it is just the nature of the people I work with, but the feedback started to really get me down. Because of the lack of autonomy, everything had to be checked by my supervisor before it was finalised, but everything I sent her she wanted changed in some way. I started to doubt my skills, and I got really upset about the job itself. Job performance is really important to me, and I am now feeling like I cannot cope with the tasks I am being asked to do, despite walking into the job initially with the confidence that I was more than capable of doing what was asked of me. I have spoken to my boss who says she is really happy with my performance, however my personal perception every time I get negative feedback is that I am terrible at my job and that I am useless and incompetent. My anxiety is so bad now that I cannot sleep and can barely bring myself to come into work every day.

I have started looking for other jobs now. But now I am so anxious about hearing back about the next stage that I cannot think of anything else, I am literally just refreshing my emails and staring at my phone hoping that I get an email or a call back. I get so down when 5pm comes everyday because I know that means another 12+ hours until a potential callback. I am so nervous about the prospect of going into the long weekend without a callback and knowing that would mean 3 days without knowing.

I am not necessarily looking for advice. I do know what I could/should do to manage my anxiety at the moment, but I just keep slipping back into this same place. I think I just need to vent about where I am at right now. I have my fingers crossed that I will get one of the jobs I have applied for and will hopefully be in a more supportive environment where my work is appreciated and where I feel like I am making a good contribution to the team and hopefully that will turn things around for me. Thanks for reading.

[Hope_for_the_best]

Thank you for sharing. From what you described, your current boss is happy with your performance, but you are anxious towards negative feedback. Looking at the fact that your performance is satisfactory and your boss is happy, you certainly have the required skills for your current job and your work is appreciated. It is how you perceive the negative feedback "I am terrible at my job and that I am useless and incompetent" that creates the anxiety. Doing something less than perfect does not mean you are useless and incompetent. If I were you, I would view the critical comments as the support from my boss, as he/she helps me to do better at the job. Everyone likes to be praised, but we are never perfect and critical/negative feedback is important for us to improve. Understandably, some criticism is invalid and we can just forget about those comments.

I am not saying that you should not switch to a new job. It can be a suitable move for you. However, I think you need to address your thoughts towards negative feedback, as you must be criticised at some points. Otherwise, changing to a new job is not helping too much with your anxiety.

All the best.

[Rachos]

Thanks so much for your message. Ah, it is hard to convey the whole situation via text, hey?!

I really appreciate what you're saying, and don't worry, the decision about whether to look elsewhere or to stay is something that I have been struggling with too. I totally understand that there are circumstances where I need to be able to accept feedback and work on it, and I stress about the impact on my career and professional development if I just abandon this job rather than trying to address this issue..

I think that at times I am 'self-sabotaging' a bit at the moment as well, which can also be a scary place that is tricky to get out of. As I said, I know that there are things that I can and should be doing that could make my situation so much better. Sometimes I will try to actively work against the negative thoughts and the anxiety, and some days (like today) I just let it consume me.

Thanks again for your message. I did need to hear that voice of reason today.

[BballJ]

Hi Rachos,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Glad you found this space and that you could vent - did seem you wanted to get a fair bit out a I do hope it helped. You obviously have very high standards of yourself which is not a bad thing but when it drives you to not sleeping at night that is very tough. I do agree with trying to find a new job if that is what will make you happier and it seems a more supportive environment is what you need but do keep in mind that jobs can be hard to get so if something doesn't come up for a while, what is your plan for your current job? Are you able to keep working and managing your anxiety?

May I also ask what you do to help manage your anxiety? I have suffered from anxiety for around 10 years so interested to see what you do as you said you do know how to deal with it and what you should be doing.

My best for you,

Jay