New job anxiety - i always run away

[Tryhard84]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post. I normally keep my thoughts locked away but im slowly realising that talking about it can actually help.

Over the past 20 years i have shaped my life around avoiding anxiety inducing situations. Ive dropped out of uni multiple times (including 1 week before my finals), ive quit jobs, given up driving, moved cities and even countries. Ive found that although its not been ideal, its kept my anxiety under control to a certain extent. Ive never been able to face my issues head on, ive always run away.

For the past 5 yrs I've been (on the most part) comfortable. I started to get bored in my job and felt confident that i was capable of a whole lot more. So i applied for a 6 month secondment and got it, sounds great right?! Well no. Im only 2 weeks in and suffering daily panic attacks, losing sleep and have barely eaten in that time. I would normally quit but this time is different as i care about letting multiple ppl down. I am also sick to death of my anxiety holding me back.

I was prescribed medication by my doctor but im so scared of taking meds incase i get stuck on them. And because i know the anxiety could be controlled if i just removed myself from the situation.....

I keep reminding myself its only for 6 months, that the 1st month will be the hardest, that its not the end of the world etc. but that doesnt stop the physical symptoms or the nightmares or the constant "on edge" feeling.

I feel guilty for suffering because i know other people have it a lot worse than me and i sometimes wonder if im making it all up?!? Sounds crazy i know, but I sometimes feel not worthy of suffering from anxiety and that i dont deserve to say "i have anxiety" because really im just weak and should "snap out of it". Its a funny old mind i have.

Anyway, i suppose im here because i feel this may be a platform for me to talk freely to ppl who understand and wont judge. I dont have family close by or friends to confide in so have kept it to myself for so long. I have had cbt sessions but they didnt really work for me as i felt unable to be honest.

I know that im going to stick at the job and i know deep down i wont take the drugs, but i want to do everything else that i can to make the next 6 months as easy as possible, and i feel like talking about it on here has helped me already.

Thanks for reading

x

[white knight]

Hi tryhard, welcome, I'm glad you've opened up.

Re: "I feel guilty for suffering because i know other people have it a lot worse than me and i sometimes wonder if im making it all up?".

I think its more likely your anxiety is just as bad as many other sufferers but in your mind it doesnt feel that way. Underestimating anxiety is common imo.

I'd like to list a few threads so you can get firmer grip on this issue. Understanding it and accepting it are important to pave the way towards recovery.

But you are not alone here. Many of us have serious history with anxiety from all walks of life. It is indeed serious and potentially can develop into other illnesses like depression and suddenly you are debilitated. Google the following.

Topic: seeking the origin of anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: anxiety, how I eliminated it- beyondblue

topic: know your limits- beyondblue

I'm glad you are here

Tony WK

[anmay]

Hi there, I'm also a newbie to the forum so firstly want to acknowledge that you've taken an important step in reaching out, it's not easy to talk openly and honestly in person about these things.My struggles sound similar to yours regarding finding it easier to run away and avoid facing the issues with complete honesty. It's so hard to do.

I started a new job 8months ago which caused me such intense anxiety including daily panic attacks, lack of sleep, constant self pressure & negative thinking about my performance. I somehow managed to get through by taking it a day at a time and allowing myself to remember I got the job over others which means they were confident in my ability to begin with. I think the main thing I found myself doing were breathing exercises like the 4/7/8 one (breath in for 4 counts, hold for 7, release for 😎 which I do at work which settled me for a short time and brought me back to the moment. I also found forming bonds with colleagues helped remind me I'm a normal person who is able to chat about regular stuff without freaking out (although at times I felt this way on the inside) and it also removed the focus I had on how much I thought I was struggling with the job.

I can also relate to thinking I should just be able to 'snap of it'. One major thing I had to face was admitting that I do struggle with anxiety which finds itself manifesting into physical symptoms. It's ok to seek support as this is real, and the way I've found to move forward is to be ok with myself as I am and go from there.

[Tryhard84]

Thanks for your response Tony WK.

It's so reassuring to be able to converse with people who understand.

I will remember those topics you have suggested and will give them a google

[Tryhard84]

Hi Anmay,

Thanks so much for resonding. It does sound like our struggles are similar. Ive been taking your advice and practicing the 4/7/8 breathing and ive found it really helpful. Also, my boss has been very supportive and gives me great feedback which reassures me.

I seem to be getting some sort of control over the current situation but the edge is still there. I have trouble switching off at nights and over the weekend, which then manifests and i find myself at my worst on Monday mornings.

Ive really been pushing myself into keeping busy this week and doing things i enjoy like cooking in the evenings and watching mindless tv shows that i can lose myself in. I also try to go to bed early and get 8hrs sleep. I take a natural remedy spray whenever i feel like its too much or when my head is so busy i cant sleep.

These things seem to be helping!

Thanks again for taking the time to respond, its really helped me.