New Guy.... My Storey

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You guys can call me CK after reading this forum its made me understand that theres so many ppl struggling today in society, just like me.

Ive got what id call A tuff Social Phobia

It all started in yr 7 at primary school, yeah i was rather quiet always had a timid side,but ive never had trouble making friends. In yr seven i got a new Maths teacher and Maths wasnt my best subject, once in class i couldnt figure out a question so the teacher brought me in front of the class and would make fun of me and the kids would laugh. The next time he did it i got up to write on the board and my right hand shook so bad i couldnt stop it and i couldnt write straight. Everyone thought that wasnt the funniest thing they ever saw. Ever since then ive never been able to fill in paperwork in front of people, its something i wont even contemplate.

Now as the years have passed im 40 yrs old now, and the funny thing is, ive done alright for my self, as ive got older ive managed little ways to hide it. I have a good high paying job, own a house too, but there is still a demon that i believe will be with me forever. For example i still avoid certain situations like the plaque. Relationships.. yeah ive had a few but whenever they get close i usually git ride of them, as i think if they ever see me shake, they will think less of me and leave me, so i do it before they do...im sick of being lonely, i had dreams of being a father and having a good healthy relationship...

Its not all doom and gloom though, like i said i lead a good life, i believe ive done well for myself. I have found that training helps me alot, so i do Crossfit 6 times a week and that really helps me too.

My life saver..... thats what i think....Ive seen dr, ive tried all the meds , all they did was zone me out. Then one day i had a differant dr then i usually ses (Just a GP) and she was a freething dr from Sweden. I told her about my shaking issues , and she said have you ever heard of Beta Blockers? we had a long discussion , she said thats what Actors and Musicians use to help them with stage fright. Any way they have changed my life, if i have a meeting or have to go somewhere, i take on 30 mins before and im good to go. Theres a catch though, they take 30 to 40 mins to work, so if i get sprung without notice, i get the shakes..

By the way.. the teacher who made fun of me, at the end of yr tried telling me it was for my own good, didnt he understand he ruined my life....

Peace CK

[Pink___White]

Hi CK,

Its always a sense of relief when you meet people who have similar issues as you. I haven't met anyone whose hands shake as bad as mine from anxiety, but even hearing from people who have their hands uncontrollably shake when in those particular situations you experience it helps make me feel less abnormal.

I too know all too well about overthinking things and how awful it is. But when you're overthinking, everything seems realistic and rational. From what I remember from your first post, you're overthinking seems to be heavily related that you will experience where you will embarrass yourself in front of people and that you feel they'll make fun of you and that causes you to get anxiety when put in those situations. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist? I don't know if you have been suggested this before, but I feel that you would really benefit from seeing a professional who you can discuss your past experiences with that awful teacher with and they will be able to work through it with you and give you techniques to help practice.

I cannot stress enough to you that your hands shaking is not something to be embarrassed about at all, and that you shouldn't let it get in the way of your relationship with someone. Everyone is different and I'm sure the people you have been in past relationships with wouldn't have though any less of you if they saw your hands shake - instead would be concerned and make sure to support you. I think you'd find it would be a rare occurrence for the person you're in a relationship with to make fun of you or think less of you for something like this.

Before situations where your medication has not set in or situations where you cannot take any medication, maybe try the technique of tensing your muscles and then relaxing them - particularly your hands. And even practice it several times a day. The results probably won't be immediate, but the best results are achieved over time! Also try challenging your negative/scary thoughts - its not always easy and takes time, but it also really helps with overthinking and your anxiety.

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Hi Pink and White.. Hope you had a great weekend..

Where to start, well ive seen 5 Psychologist over ther the years, the first 4 didnt really help at all. All they did was talk ans just felt like i was getting nowhere, but the last one i saw made some big inroads. After about 3 months of sessions , we were talking about how i feel when at my worst and he says to me

Well you didnt die from that did you? A Panic Attack will not kill you he goes, and think about all those times in your life youve been in that position, somehow your still here arnt you? He went on to say that it only bothers me because i care about what ppl think of me, when i shouldnt give a shxt , because ppl should take me for who i am.

Thats when i realised i can only fix this myself, problem ive got is im very Vain and care about what ppl think of me. So over the years ive got better and better to where with med help (Beta Blockers) and alot of help that he gave me im able to do things i could never do 10 years ago. Hell the job i do, wouldnt even dream of it, but i still get the odd relapse here and there.

Meds......... for years off and on ive taken Antidepressant meds, and all they did was make me worse, id come home and cry for no reason, wouldnt leave the house apart from work or to see family or close friends. Just my opinion but id rather live in constant fear then be on that stuff again..

Thanks alot for your perspective.. much appreciated CK

[Pink___White]

Hi CK,

I had a fantastic weekend, thank you. I hope you had a great weekend, also.

Its a shame to hear that you saw 4 psychologists that you felt were unable to help you, but it sounds like the advice the last one you saw has stuck with you and you are still trying to adapt to your everyday life. It definitely helps to do research and know about panic attacks, the causes, the physical symptoms and what they are occuring. It helps to challenge negative thoughts and overthinking. I assume the psychologist gave you information on panic attacks to give you a greater understanding? Working on self-confidence is not something that happens easily, but it sounds like you are slowly becoming accepting of what is happening and are aware of areas you need to work on, which is an important step. And its great to hear that you've made improvement since seeing someone. Its good to reflect on how far you've come, hopefully it has helped with your confidence.

I understand your views on medication, since being formally diagnosed with all pretty much every type of anxiety two years ago, I was very worried about being put on medication. But I was lucky to have a GP that understood my concerns with being on medication and did not want to put me on anything unless absolutely necessary. And I've only recently been given temporary medication for moments when I absolutely need it. But I still try not to depend on it.

I hope you continue to make improvements, because you've already make great progress. Also another thing I do is use affirmations when I get anxious, its very much like challenging your thoughts. I'll give you an example of mine that I say to myself in particular situations: "I am in control of my body, and in control of my mind. Medications are a temporary solution, hospitals are there if necessary but they cannot do more for me than I can do for myself. I am physically healthy, as proven by recent tests and scans, this is a false fight/flight alarm. I am in no real danger". You have already stated a few good points to for your own affirmation in you last post.

Anyway now I have gone on a tangent! I hope some of these suggestions help. You seem like a great person and I hope to see you continue to move towards overcoming these problems to a point where they're manageable and aren't having a big impact on your everyday life.

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Thanks Pink + White

Another area i let myself down is when i have a victory, because i only get nervous in certain situations im usually ok, but if a boss comes to me with paperwork to fill in and ive not had a chance to think about it 9 times outta 10 ill be steady as a rock. My problem is i dont pat myself on the back and say well done, you beat it today, instead ill say shxt like, next time you wont be so lucky, or, you only did that cos you didnt have time to think about it. I need to celebrate those small victories.

Thanks for you kind words and encouragement, and i hope we can push each other through this.

CK

[Pink___White]

Hi CK,

Yes you definitely need to celebrate the small victories! They all add up to the larger victories, and I find are often more important to focus on and celebrate. But its great that you're acknowledging that its something that you don't do enough and another area to work on, so I now hope that you celebrate the small victories, no matter how little they may seem.

I'm glad that you appreciate my responses, hopefully they help you in some way. And I look forward to hearing about your further progress, because you've already made great progress so far.

[Diana35]

Hey!

Thanks for sharing your advice sometimes you think you are dealing with it alone but there is so much support and advice out there and its great to come on here and be able to share with others going through the same thing, i do have great family support that i am very thankful for. Mine hit me more so a few months ago it had been a rough two years in my family with nearly loosing my mum and my relationship fell apart. I lost alot of friends in the process as well. I have a plan in action and there is so much support on here.

Will Post More Soon. Always have Hope xoxo

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Hi Diana35

Thanks for the encouragement Diana, there is so much good advice here that i feel can help everyone. I too have a plan for this year, and part of that is to get out into this big world and start doing things, and being more social.

CK