Name your Trigger Points

[geoff]

Hi Everyone, interested to know what your trigger points are, and knowing the warning signs that may foreshadow a relapse, can help you to avoid it.

These may differ from day to day and in different situations but each one is important to know.

-moving house is never good for me, and that's just for starters.

All the best.

Geoff.

[missep123]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for creating this post! (Also for some reason my computer will not unbold this text so please bear with me).

I have dealt with health anxiety in the past (worrying about family's health, the dreaded searching online and reading all the horror stories and worst case scenarios).

I realised that sometimes this starts to happen at night and I've had nights where I spent a few hours just researching. I would feel drained and anxious afterwards.

When I notice these thoughts come into my head now I remind myself of the behavioural cycle I used to find myself in. I distract myself while doing something else and then I am so relieved that I didn't spiral like that.

[Fiatlux]

Triggers based on the abuse I have endured.

Cant see anyone getting injured on the sports field. Blood sport like boxing is an absolute no no. Not even in movies.

Being alone in the car with my abuser. He speeds and I loose it.

If My Abuser ever touched me in bed in the middle of the night.

Bumping into old friends when out shopping.

Going out to check the mailbox causes anxiety, so I often miss bills.

In coming phone calls from A Private number. I never answer. I am terrified it’s the Police checking on me to ensure that my abuser has abided by the AVO. He hasn’t and I hate lying to cover for him.

That’s some...

[geoff]

Hello Harpbird, I know how you must be feeling and I apologise for my insensitivity on this particular occasion and agree with Boudica.

It is so difficult because we all experience a situation in our own way and try our very best to be able to cope, hoping we have made the right decision and as a grandparent from our previous knowledge believe we are doing everything the right way, so the problem will stop and our love for the child will always continue in every way possible.

Hearing about what has happened to other children is definitely a trigger that will certainly remind you of what has happened and whether or not you are to blame is not for us to ascertain, but with all your ability you thought you were doing everything right, that you can't be blamed for.

I wholeheartedly sympathise with you in every possible way but I hope that you can eventually gain some strength by crying whenever you need to and to please have some grief counselling, I know this will not be easy but you need to release any feelings you have inside you.

My very best thoughts to you.

Geoff. x

[geoff]

Hello Missep, thank you for your kindness, I had only hoped more people would have chosen to post a comment, but it's still early days.

By searching online does have the possibility of making situations look worse than they actually are and being in a behavioural cycle may take you to a different outcome which can trigger more thoughts and feelings and then create positive and/or negative that can have a devastating effect on the current situation and affect our emotions.

It's good that you are able to distract yourself and remember your emotions can affect your behaviour by being motivated.

Our thoughts deal with our feelings by finding a solution that may benefit us in one way or another, but every situation may be different and can't be taken for granted.

Look after yourself.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Fiatlux, the thoughts you have mentioned are certainly ones I agree with after being on many occasions where I don't want to go again over a long period of time, so I know how you feel.

With your abuser, your best option is to put an AVO but if he has broken this order you need to make sure you are protected and if for any reason he has broken this order, then for your own safety it would be best to notify the police, although this is difficult, but in retrospect, the police may already be keeping an eye on his activities, as I know that was happening to a person who his father had taken out an AVO on his son and the police were always roaming the streets to find out where he was because he was regarded as a nuisance.

Are you able to receive your bills online, most of mine come to me online, as I can't physically walk down to the letterbox and have to rely on my son to get any mail, but you can contact your creditors using the computer and register by bills sent to your email address?

Private numbers I also don't answer as 'the register to do not call' doesn't always work, so I don't trust who the caller is as well, there is nothing wrong with doing this, and you have mentioned there are more, then please we'd love to hear back from you, as this thread tries to explain to others as well as themselves what these may be, so please take your time.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Fiatlux]

When I know someone is lying to me. I want to call them out on the lie but I back away.

On the inside, I am screaming, stop lying!

In the past I would brush it off as b.s. Go tell someone more gullible.

People who tell me that things Could be worse. Really?spend a day inside my mind and you too would run screaming for your life.

Being told to forget about it, move on.

Being told that I am a strong person. I am shattered.

[missep123]

Hi Geoff thank you for your support!

I really do think that this is a great thread because I can see that everyone has been supporting each other which is so great to see!

[geoff]

Hello Missep, thanks for your lovely comment, I hope it has some benefit for many people.

Hi Fiatlux, it's never pleasant when another person tells you 'it could be worse', only because they probably haven't been in a similar situation, and it certainly doesn't help, it only provokes the hardship you are going through and creates a barrier between the two of you and can certainly stop you or anybody else from being able to move on.

Take care.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hi All, what can trigger me is when I'm told that I am wrong (and that's fair enough) but it's for not seeing something that I should have seen and that it's obvious, but not everything is that obvious for everyone as people look at different posts or threads when they come onto the forums, especially the ones who they have been communicating with over a period of time.

Remember what someone else believes is crystal clear, may not be for someone else.

Geoff.

[missep123]

Hi Geoff,

you have a completely valid point! What is clear for someone else might not be clear for someone else. We all have different life stories and perspectives which means we don't all see things the same. I think this is a great opportunity though to really communicate and understand each other's point of view. In saying that I know it can be hard and I can also be triggered if someone flat-out tells me I am wrong without trying to understand.