My new colleague is triggering my anxiety

[Panic90]

Background:  I have anxiety and PTSD mainly as a result of my previous job. I started a new role in an office job about 12 months ago and it's been going great. 

About three months ago, a new person started in my team. Her behaviour triggers my anxiety and PTSD quite badly. She talks a mile a minute, all day and in a loud voice. It leaves my head spinning and I often have to go and sit in the bathroom for some quiet. She will also suddenly exclaim something loudly which frightens me. She constantly walks up behind me and just starts talking which also frightens me. She talks endlessly about how worried we should all be about losing our jobs, how XYZ boss seems angry at you etc etc. Very doom and gloom which also sends me into a spiral worrying.

How can I deal with this person? I'm not at all assertive. I've made a few albeit weak attempts to have her stop talking to/at me constantly but nothing gets through. I feel like I'm spending more and more time sitting in the bathroom hiding from her than working. 

[Banksy92]

Hi Panic90,

This sounds like a really stressful environment for you, and this person seems to have very little self-awareness of how they are impacting others. I wouldn't be surprised if other colleagues felt similar to you and were bothered by this behaviour.

Have you considered having a confidential chat to a manager or leader about what you are going through to try and workshop some ideas of how to deal with it? If you express that you aren't comfortable confronting them yourself they would be happy to either speak on your behalf or even help establish some rules/guidelines for everyone to consider. Or perhaps there is a more quiet space you can be moved to that is away from this person?

Let us know how you go, when you can.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Panic90
 
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience this evening.
 
One of the most common issues in the workplace is the need to find ways to handle loud and boisterous colleagues; in addition this is exacerbated by you having to navigate this with PTSD and anxiety.  We agree, it can feel intrusive and overwhelming when there is that one person who wants to be heard, all of the time!  It's frustrating that your colleague is not taking on board your polite requests to tone things down. 
 
Taking regular breaks is a good strategy which by the sounds of it you are having to do a LOT already!.  Is there any possibility you could speak with your supervisor, let them know how difficult this is to work with, maybe ask to use headphones while you work?  or possibily move desks? (or preferably to another building … big ask we know!).  All this aside, your health and wellbeing is your priority and if all else fails, it might be worth thinking about approaching your HR department to let them know you are not ok with this and that this is now beginning to impact on your ability to work.
 
From what you share, you have overcome many challenges in the past; it’s great that you have found a job that you are happy in and you clearly want to keep it that way which is demonstrated in your strength and courage to reach out this evening.  It shouldn’t be too long before one of our other community members respond; as you know they are a compassionate bunch with some helpful information and advice to share.
 
Thanks again for posting this evening.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M

[Mudpies]

If you have colleagues that you trust, you might lean on them to try and speak with this new staff member when the time is right. Alternatively, if you have a good working relationship with your manager(s), it might be worth going to them, although that would be something of a last resort if trying to quietly address the issue is fruitless.

Having encountered these types in my own work, I would suggest trying not to listen to their pessimism. More often than not, the allegations of persecution made by people who thrive on drama turn out to be false, or if they are true, you can eventually pick up enough details that suggest whomever was "persecuted" actually had a rapsheet about a mile long and it finally caught up with them. If you have some firsthand knowledge of a topic she is going on about, a gentle correction may even be enough to make her aware that you know she is just making drama. 

[Petal22]

Hi Panic90,

I'm sorry this is happening I understand it would be difficult.

I agree with Sophie, I think it would be a great idea to speak to your manager regarding this person and how it's making you feel.

Maybe your Manager could step in and ask your work colleague to tone it down.

[blues23]

Hi panic 90

as others have suggested definitely speak to your manager , this person is spreading fear and that’s not ok.  ‘ maybe if you can move desks away from her put ur filter on , my filter is broken but yeah working with this person sounds like hard work u could try telling her to take her gossip elsewhere or just say yes no and walk off the less oxygen u give these types the less they will engage with U as she’s looking for a reaction just look thru her say yes no walk off