Moved out of home for the first time

[Moving_mimz]

Hi all I moved out of home for the first time 2.5 weeks ago. Leading up to this I was pretty excited however first night I woke up and vomited and everything since then I’ve spiraled. I’m anxious most or all of the time. I’ve lost my appetite. I barely sleep. I’ve lost interest and enjoyment in things u normally like. I’ve had anxiety here and there but never this bad. I’m also really struggling with the appetite thing.

[Moving_mimz]

I look forward to coming home after I’ve finished my anxiety filled day and sitting on the couch. I cook and wash up even though anxious doing so and then my husband and I try go for a walk. Tonight I have to go past my parents and I’m anxious about doing so. All I want to do is huddle up at home on the couch and just sit there.

I went to the therapist yesterday and she said I need to do more realistic and positive self talk. And reaffirm that I only feel all of this because of how I’m feeling right now and this is because I’m adjusting and I’ve freaked out over the change.

I explained to her my anxiety is stemming as well from how I’ve reacted. And my logical brain knows all the right things but my emotional brain is dragging me down.

ive started reading the happiness trap. I don’t really read. I used to love tv shows but I don’t anymore. I think my escape is just sitting on the couch.

[Moving_mimz]

Also a lot of things that really get me down is the fact that I compare myself to all these other people that have undergone way larger life changes and I’ve crumbled over a move to a new house? What are some strategies or self talk to do with that?

sorry I know I’ve bombarded you with questions.

[Croix]

Dear Moving mimz~

It's not a bad book, you may find some useful thoghts there.

Now, you are comparing yourself with others, which when you are ill is not that good an idea. In you had a broken leg then yes, people would walk faster than you, similarity you have an illness -anxiety, and many people will be able to do things easily you find most difficult

Frankly It is a tribute to your strenght you are able to do the, have moved, do housework, go to work.

Going for a walk is an excellent idea, I wish I could do it more, and if going past your parents is upsetting go another way -don't push yourself at this stage.

Being told by a psych you "need to do more realistic and positive self talk" is true, however I found I had to approach that side-on, not directly. I had to get to a better place by reading, exercising, being with my partner, arguing with a pet over ownership of a chair and so on, as I did all those the thoughts did come.

I'm not passing judgemnt on your spych's techmique, just tjust saying how it was for me.

[Croix]

... sorry, had not quite finished editing, still you can make sense of it anyway. Plus things like one recalcitrant cat determined to dispute territory can work wonders.

Croix

[Moving_mimz]

I feel like I’m getting 1% better every day. I find the mornings very difficult. I get anxious to get up and get dressed and go to work. I get anxious if I have a full day of lessons.

im pretty sure I’ve also caught the flu now so that’s heightened the anxiety because of the virus fears.

she told me to continuously tell myself I feel like this because I’m anxious at the moment and I used to love teaching. More talk like that. I feel like it works to some degree.

Yesterday I cooked and washed up and just sat on the couch for abit and tried to watch friends like I used to. It’s like I was bored with it. But I enjoyed it this tiny bit. I’m still all over the place but I’m trying to accept that I just feel like this right now and it is temporary and as I adjust to this house I will feel better.

it’s also really weird I get anxious to get up and go to work but then I get anxious to stay home all day because I don’t know what to do all day.

im very lost.

my time at my parents house was mostly spent having breaky and a coffee with my mum actually looking forward to it. And even when she went to work I stayed home mopped and then sat watched friends and then went had a break with her if she was working then came home relaxed did things on my phone. Then everyone would start coming home including my husband. And I think for the year we were renovating and busy with going to the house. I just felt like I was satisfied with whatever I was doing and I was ok. Now I question absolutely everything I’m doing and I’m anxious about doing it.

[Croix]

Dear Moving mimz~

The anxiety does not just disappear-which is a right pain, it takes time, and effort. Talking positively to yourself does, as I said, help, though you need a boost of improvement to get started down that road. Hearing praise, from anywhere including yourself, does have an effect - a good one.

Boredom with the things you like is all part of the package, as is feeling directionless and having no purpose when home, it will pass. I'm flat out nowadays, I too felt numb and did not know what to do.

I was an educator at uni for long time. If I found I was stuck or nervous about classes I'd get the students involved, there is always one or more that knows the answers and can be relied upon to explain. Provided they are not blamed for extra work or otherwise singled out its a good strategy - plus often I learned something too.

1% per day? OK, in 50 days you will feel average, in 100 you will feel fine. I know I'm being silly, however even with ups and downs you will get there

Is the cat still around?

Croix

[Moving_mimz]

Yeah you’re right hopefully in 100 days I’ll be better!

I used to feel lazy to go to work and feel lazy to do things around the house at my parents but I never ever felt anxious that I felt lazy. That’s what I’m feeling now. I’m scared of the long term commitment and me being in this house and having to do everything forever. What if I can’t be bothered. I think it’s a process of me letting go right? And now finding the motivation again because the anxiety has suppressed that.

I have very challenging classes behavior wise which heightened the anxiety, never really did but now that I’m in this state everything is overwhelming.

Its always the best to hear that it passes. Does mine sound like it will really pass? After I adjust to this new environment and do the housework/cooking long enough. Honestly I did have an excitement somewhere deep down about my own kitchen and cooking every day but I feel now it was so shallow.

The cat is good I haven’t bonded much. I feed and take care of her. And she hangs out with us but she heightened my anxiety as well about this commitment to her and the responsibility.

I am also really upset because my husband and I before moving out and this happening we’re trying for kids and now I can’t even bear the thought of having a kid. Or having to cook every day for the kid or all that extra responsibility. Surely that’s not me that’s the anxiety speaking right? Because from going from wanting to have kids to feeling like this... so confused.

[Croix]

Dear Moving mimz~

I'll start with the truth, and you need to hear it. EVERYTHING you have said points to anxiety taking over. And it will not be there for ever. I have been there, and am now a whole person with my anxiety and other conditions well under control - I can enjoy life, have skills, accomplishment and can rely upon myself.

People get frightened by things and they seem permanent impassable barriers. At the moment responsibility and long term commitment are your impassable barriers. Wanting a place of you own is part of development, wanting kids is too. Enjoying pets is in there as well. Shallow does not come into it.

At the moment it is masked, seems all different. I was so fare ]removed from myself I did not even know I was capable of love - or anything else. I could not be more different now.

So you will get there, if I can (and boy was I a mess) then you can. The same person you were before, reasonably confident, able to handle the class (well mostly), wanting to stand on you own feet, take on responsibilities (and love) are all still inside you, just temporarily hidden.

It's only confusing becuse at the moment all your life's values and desires seem to have vanished. That confusion will go as the real you re-emerges.

There will be days when you visit your mum, and have much the same sort of day as you have just described, but in time it will not feel enough. The desires you have had will show you that, as will your accomplishments towards them.

I think I've dwelt enough on the truth for one post. Incidentally I think it might help your husband to read something like that himself, after all he will worry about you, love does that, even if he already knows it's all true it is reassuring.

Now, I'm interested in your misbehaving or just generally difficult class. Would you like to tell me a little about them and the sort of problems they cause you?

Croix

[Moving_mimz]

Thanks croix. I’m doing this without meds as well and during a very stressful period in history (the virus).

I just did the washing, mopped, cleaned the bathrooms. I feel this tiny sense of accomplishment. I’m trying to show myself that this isn’t all so hard.

My class is very disengaged. I have half a class that is so engaged in the work and the other half just doesn’t care. They’re not interested. And they make me even more anxious. Well all my classes make me anxious atm. I teach the class and get agitated for it to finish 😞. Worst case scenario I don’t enjoy teaching anymore and leave the profession.

im trying to accept that I feel like this right now and it’s ok but that’s so hard 😞

thank you so much btw you keep giving me hope!

I had a dream today that I woke up in my new house and my mum had prepared breakfast and my sisters were there and the noise was there and I just cried 😞 I think I really miss the security, the nurturing and everyone being around me. And to add to the anxiety I don’t want them to see me as weak 😞 people don’t get married to stay at home with their parents, my parents aren’t going to be around forever.

Also, my anxiety and loss of appetite is so much worse during the morning and day but at night it kind of disappears and I’m abit more stable? Did that happen with you?

[Moving_mimz]

Oh god croix! I came to my in laws house for a bbq and could not say no. My sister in law has a baby and my other sister in law is pregnant. And my anxiety spiraled. Like what if I’m anxious all my life I won’t be able to give my parents a kid 😞 or myself a kid because I’m too scared of responsibility. And then my mother in law was like come on your turn 😫 my parents keep hassling and I feel bad that my mum looks at everyone else who has become a grandma and was expecting me to become a mum soon. Well it’s kind of my fault because I did tell her I was trying before all of this happened. I’m now using the coronavirus as an excuse 😂 (isn’t bad I find only humour in this)

I know I keep rambling but your reassurance keeps me going! You are an inspiration!!