Mothers anxiety about dying

[Eadie]

HI, I just came on here to see if anyone else has felt the same feelings of overwhelming responsibility for a child that they had a panic attack about it.

Im generally ok, have never spoken to a counsellor before or seeked help apart from talking with friends and my partner. We have a 2 year old and I am at home with him 2 nights a week while my partner away for work. I guess I am a sensitive and emotional person who can empathise with others to the point I can get quite upset putting myself in their shoes. Last night I had this horrible sinking feeling that I wasn't going to wake up. I felt sad about myself dying but the thought that sent me into a panic was that our child would be stuck in his cot, without food or water and may not be found for a day or so. I kept picturing that he would be crying out for me and would be so upset that I wasn't coming to get him. I kept picturing his little face, him collapsing from being exhausted from the crying, hunger and unchanged nappy that I had to get up and put food and water out for him incase I didn't wake up and unlock the door so the neighbours could come in. It was horrible because it could happen right? I know that the chances are pretty unlikely but bad stuff does happen. what am I supposed to do now? It was horrible and still lingers today 12 hours later. I texted my partner to get him to call me in the morning and if I didn't answer to send help for our baby.

A few weeks ago I had a nightmare where I saw my baby looking for me, crying with his head down, dissapointed and loosing hope that I would find him. I saw him from afar and couldnt find him. I had this awful feeling of letting him down and not being there for him.

I don't know if this is normal for a new parent or if im going through a stage of adjustment or if I am needing help. I want to be there for my family. im irritable, tired and feel guilty alot these days. Mothers guilt is a word that gets thrown around but not sure that what im experiencing is that, hormonal changes, survival instinctual stuff or anxiety.

Does anyone else have a similar story or any thoughts on this?

[baet123]

Hi Eadie,

My names nick and nice to meet you. Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story. You have shown amazing bravery and courage and you should be proud. It is super hard to open ourselves up to our friends let alone complete strangers so bravo! You will find these forums as a loving and caring non-judgmental place where everyone cares and supports each other so we can grow individually and improve our situations.

I am sorry to hear your struggling at the moment. The feelings you are experiencing and the nightmares is something no one deserves to go through. How long have these nightmares/thoughts and feelings been occurring for? Where they present relatively shortly after giving birth?

Have you ever seen your GP and discussed the possibility of you suffering from postnatal depression? I know that postnatal depression has in the past been diagnosed for mother's years after their child was born and I would consider speaking to your GP and discussing this condition. After reading your post, you may be suffering from depression and I would advise you to consider visiting your GP and discussing this. I believe that if your quality of life is being impacted negatively and your emotional well-being isn't where you'd like it to be, professional intervention should be something worth considering.

I would imagine that being a new parent is super difficult and is a huge adjustment for most. Many new mothers/father's I interact with at work stress that this is one of the most challenging yet rewarding stages of their lives. Don't be too hard on yourself. What your feeling is very normal. I can tell you are a loving, caring and thoughtful mother, wife and friend. Never lose these qualities. I think it would be a good idea to go and see your GP and discuss depression and anxiety and the possibility of postnatal depression. Your GP may also provide you with a mental health care plan which entitles you to 10 free psychologist sessions which may reap benefits! You deserve to be happy and should be happy. It is super encouraging that you are very in tuned with your emotions and it seems like you are a mindful person.

Stay strong and positive and I wish you all the best.

Look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Nick.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eadie,

I too welcome you to the community here on the forum. Our minds can take us on quite a journey once a thought gets into our mind.

Yes, it is possible for any of us to die in our sleep, I am just wondering how probable this would be. I can understand your thoughts around this are distressing. Nick has made some good suggestions on how you can deal with what is happening to you.

I am wondering if something scary happened to you when you were a child? Did you ever feel like you were abandoned? (even thinking it can make it feel real and may have repercussions for you now)

Has your partner always worked away a couple of nights a week or is this a new thing?

Anxiety and depression can certainly have us believing all sorts of things are reality.

Hopefully you will feel comfortable talking to your Dr about what you are experiencing. It sounds like you are putting some plans into action just in case anything does happen.

I am also wondering if world events might be troubling you in some way. There are so many horrible stories and happenings, it is no wonder people are feeling depressed and anxious.

Hope you find some answers. Cheers for now from Dools

[Star_Jasmine]

Hey Eadie,

I'm a mum of two young kids who has had postnatal depression. In the past I also had horrible anxious thoughts like you.

Having a child is such a huge responsibility and it's normal to feel concern for your child but I think the thoughts you've been having probably go a bit further than that. It might be a good idea to see your GP and talk about how you're feeling. If necessary they can arrange a mental health care plan so you can talk to a psychologist too.

On beyond blue there are some questionnaires you can do re anxiety and there is some good information about postnatal depression.

I remember using them when I first started getting symptoms and it helped me make sense of things and realise what was normal / not normal.

All the best. Let us know if you can help you any further.