Hi, welcome
I read you other post also just now so I'll answer both here. It seems clear you have been a lost soul, always needing deep love and support growing up and no receiving it to a satisfactory level. That caused you turmoil inside and resulted in several pregnancies and the struggles that go with them with their fathers. In a huge effort to seek a new home life nearer to your children you moved and had to relinquish your pets, thats a really big, brave effort and it displays the lengths a parent (mother or father) will go to in efforts to be close to their kids. So well done in trying to be a good mum.
Some people have a life that begins with a cycle of childhood, disruptions and turmoil and because they grow up with that lack of stability their own adult life tends to remain the same. This is no fault of yours, its what you knew and it would have been a mammoth task to change it all completely.
All this is confirmed at the end of your post- "When I first got here I was the best version of myself I've ever bean at peace & very happy person..." That is the result of trying hard to work out your life and put your children first. However you now have anxiety and that has manifested itself to become bad enough that you posted here.
I had anxiety, it is a serious illness but unlike many other mental health issues, it can be conquered or at least lowered. It took me many years to get rid of mine. Daily you have to keep a schedule of relaxation exercises, breathing exercises and time out to be alone and calm. Many other things to relieve anxiety you have already achieved like moving house to be close to your kids etc.
Here is a post on the many things I did to overcome anxiety.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873
So, many single mums and dads will read your anonymous post here and realise through your journey that they too can overcome the turmoil in their lives as you have done. So, be proud, you have achieved over some pretty upsetting events.
TonyWK
