Loss of love for girlfriend over a week

[James54]

Hi guys, I’ve just recently started a relationship with a girl i have been into and really cared about for a long time. We are both 18 and we have been only dating for a month now but i have been diagonased with mild ocd since i was around 16 and at the start of the relationship, i suddenly one day had no feelings for her felt like dead around her even though i knew i loved her. This lasted for a week and then slowly went away as i realised it was something with my anxiety. I had a couple good weeks feeling normal after that but now over this week i feel like i literally have no feelings for her, i don’t get the same feeling when i see her or with her, i almost feel depressed and guilty when around and thinking about her because i’m scared i don’t have feelings for her anymore even though i don’t want to lose her. I keep noticing other girls now when i didn’t before and it’s really scaring me, is this something to do with OCD, is it some sort of depression, will these feelings for her return because all i want to do is love her like i used too. Hope this made sense

[Gambit87]

Hi James,

Welcome to the forums, thank you for reaching out! the forums are a safe and non-judgemental place!

is this something to do with OCD, is it some sort of depression, will these feelings for her return because all i want to do is love her like i used too. Hope this made sense

- Based on my experience, I believe you are spot on, more than likely something to do with your OCD. What kind of OCD if you don't mind me asking?

I have harm OCD - basically i obsess over the fear of hurting myself and others - including my partner. These images/feelings are so disturbing and distressing to me, I obsess over them even though I know i would never hurt myself, my partner or other people in a million years. What i've been learning (with the help of a psychologist) is that obsessing over the thoughts (no matter how distressing they are) just feeds the OCD. The OCD gets stronger.

The trick? Dont feed it! acknowledge the thought/feeling and let go of it! Its very hard work but I'm just starting to get the hang of letting go and my OCD thoughts are weakening.

I encourage you to open up to your girlfriend - as hard as it is. I encourage you to see a psychologist to help you manage the OCD.

As I said, its hard work but if you keep doing the work I believe it becomes very manageable.

All the best! please let us know how you go if you feel comfortable.

[James54]

Hi thanks for your reply, these feelings have subsided now over the past few weeks and now i have started to gain feelings for my girlfriends best friend and i’m scared now i don’t know what’s happening because every time i think about my girlfriend i think about her friend and all i want is too be with my girlfriend without any anxiety or issues and i don’t know what’s going on with me are these real feelings my body is telling me i am in love with her friend but i don’t trust anything i feel now

[Gambit87]

These are just intrusive thoughts. These thoughts/feelings are not you. I encourage you not to feed these thoughts/feelings, they're fake news.

You're so worried over these thoughts/feelings that your reaction is causing your mind to throw more and more at you. It happens to me every day.

You are not your thoughts.