Looking for ways of dealing with anxiety

[Eric_Cartman]

Hello,

I am new to this website and forum. I am looking for information for improving my standard of living.

I've had depression and anxiety since my late teens and i am now in my late twenties. I have tried multiple ways of dealing with anxiety from medication to counselling and it hasn't resolved my very severe social anxiety. I literally cannot leave my home without being overwhelmed. Probably left the house during the day 3 times in the last 6 months. I am quite overweight which obviously doesn't help, plus the fact that I don't have a car or license so when I do leave, I am forced to use public transport and interact with more people. I even feel extremely anxious walking down the street when cars drive past as if the people in them are staring at me and judging me. I realize these thoughts are completely irrational which only makes it worse as i try to snap myself out of it, and probably even talk to myself and look like i have schizophrenia or something similar. Not that I am judging people who have those illnesses, it's more that I feel that people are judging me constantly.

Very critical of myself and my failings too. Problem is that I am obese, not many marketable skills so work is hard to find, which just makes me feel worse and the jobs that are available to me are mostly customer service jobs and I don't have the confidence or drive to work in that type of industry. Currently have very little money which doesn't help and I am essentially a leech on society, which is not a position I am comfortable with. I can't even go down to centrelink or job agencies as I freak out in my head about the whole experience and it just makes me feel even worse about the current situation.

I have been working on my lifestyle choices for the past 3 months. I have given up alcohol, soft drinks, junk food and i exercise daily. I have lost 13 kilos which has definitely improved some aspects of how i judge myself but the lack of transport and employment is a killer. Plus i don't really feel confident in myself yet to even enter public during the day. I walk late at night when nobody is around so i don't have to deal with social interaction. Even saying hello is difficult for me.

Basically just looking for advice on ways to improve confidence i guess and its hard as a guy to ask for help as i don't see it as masculine. Also if there is any advice for making some money online that would be greatly appreciated. Pretty cooked i know haha.

[Guest_322]

Hi Eric,

First things first, props to you for your lifestyle changes. Losing 13 kg must have taken a lot of determination and discipline. Congratulations!

You come across as pretty switched on and self aware. I have to admit that I might not be the best person to respond as I can't really personally relate to some of your struggles but I'll give it a go. I've had anxiety in the past but mine was GAD rather than social anxiety.

You've covered a lot of ground in your post so I might just pick 2-3 things to discuss. I hope that's okay with you- I'm sure other posters can add to this.

I was thinking about feeling self conscious and anxious when walking down a street, maybe rather than trying to tell yourself to "snap out of it", you could try looking at it this way: most people are probably worrying about themselves rather than thinking about you.

I'm not saying it to to be callous. But as humans, we often think that other people are looking at and thinking about us more than they do.

They're probably busy thinking "is my lipstick on right?" or "shoot, I'm not ready for that meeting" when they're driving rather than fixating on your appearance.

In a worst case scenario, maybe they'll look at you and a thought or 2 passes their head. But then they will move on and think about something else. I guess what I'm trying to say is most people probably aren't judging you nearly as harshly as you might believe.

I think you mentioned that transport and the job situation are 2 key stressors. Things as they stand, I take it that public transport is the go (or at least for now anyway and there's nothing wrong with public transport btw).

If travelling by train, I've heard that some states have quiet carriages so maybe you could locate the quiet train and board that one (?) Also, maybe you could travel during non-peak hours (if possible) so there are fewer commenters around.

About the job situation, maybe keep your eyes peeled for jobs that allow you to work from home. Have you considered social media jobs as that's online based? Many companies are becoming increasingly reliant on technology so if you're tech savvy...

Also, you could consider online courses like through open uni to improve your skills and job prospects.

Sorry, I'm not sure if this was helpful. My suggestions all feel like bandaid solutions that don't get to the heart of your social anxiety. Hopefully other posters will add to what I've said but with more insight.

Dottie x