Life feels overwhelming

[StartingOutSlow]

I started out life with high functioning anxiety and depression, survived that way until I had my first child and post natal depression (6 years ago). These days I feel like I can still present as high functioning to most people, but inside my home and day to day life I am struggling. I lost the high functioning part in my personal life and now people close to me can see the cracks (really just my husband and kids, not that the kids know what they’re seeing).

I get the stuff done that is urgent, like the laundry and groceries, the kids are well cared for, my husband is involved in childcare and chores. But whenever I have a moment with no urgent needs I just end up wasting the time – numbing, scrolling my phone. The list of things that need doing seems never ending, and despite wanting to make progress (like fixing a leaking tap or replacing a light globe) I just can’t seem to find the energy to start. It’s like life is overwhelming and the never ending list of things that need to be repeated every day or week is overwhelming.  I know I need to improve my self care, but no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to make progress, I don’t get as much sleep as I need, I don’t eat well unless it involves feeding the kids too, I’m not as active as I’d like to be. I know I will feel better if I improve these things, yet I don’t. I also don’t have enough fun in life, mostly because I don’t know how to have fun, I don’t really know what my hobbies are.

For the last couple of years I’ve always talked to my psychiatrist and psychologist as though I’m doing okay, yes I have anxiety but a normal level for things that were happening in life, yes I’m tired but I have a baby. To them I would have presented well with good insight. I really did believe I was doing well, but now I’m not so sure. What is a normal level of anxiety or stress? I see my psychiatrist next week, and a new psychologist in 3 weeks, but I’m not even sure how to explain to them what the problem is. I don’t feel like I can articulate it well. It’s like I want to be better but can’t do the things that I need to do to achieve that because I’m working so hard to stay afloat.

Has anyone else had this experience? What helped you?

[Croix]

Dear StartingOutSlow~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good place to come to see how others have coped and thier ideas.

Firstly I'd have to say that you are coping - not as well as you think you should - but you get the important stuff done, and that's pretty good, seeing you have to battle anxiety and depression and the essentials of being a mum are a pretty big set of tasks to do.

It all takes its toll, not just on physical tiredness, but also on your well-being and motivation. So once the essential is over you do what you call time-wasting.  I'd say it is a simply showing you that you have reached the end of your tether.

I used to do the same, just what I had to then do basically nothing, and I too lost all interest in my everyday pleasures. Frankly I could not get better on my own and eventually had to seek assistance.

Rather than regard it as time-wasting please try to see it as a signal you need to stop and take time for yourself - without guilt. I try to have one short enjoyable thing at the  end of each day, something to look forward to just for me. I use books and movies, pets and talking to someone. You will have other things I'm sure.

When talking to your psychs it sounds as if you have minimized everything and also given rational reasons for the way you feel as you do, giving perhaps a false impression.

Can I suggest you pick out the worst, not the best, and tell them about that. I felt as if I could not explain things, particularly face to face. Do you think if you took a couple of days and wrote down in point for how you have been feeling and doing that might be doable? Taking time lets you think, remember and include everything.

I found handing over a list made things so much easier. I did not forget anything, get confused, or give in to the temptation to minimize or leave things out. The Drs were pleased as they had a list to work from and a much more accurate idea of what they  should be treating.

I hope we can talk some more

Croix

[StartingOutSlow]

Thank you Croix for taking the time to respond, it was really helpful. Print the word minimising to what I was doing is useful, and I can definitely take the time to write a list. I feel a little better with a step to take.

[Croix]

Dear StartingOutSlow~

I'm very pleased it was of some help and would like ot know how you get on -i f you feel like talkng of course

Croix

[Annas1]

Hi SOS and Croix,

I identify with what you've both said. I too have been someone who has 'managed' life with anxiety for a long time before different life stressors made this impossible. I also think part of my struggle with the experience has been not accepting that my mind/body is more sensitive to stress and conflict. Trying to override my nature and deny my need for less stress, more downtime, counselling etc in order to be well and manage in life has not been useful or kind to myself.

Today is offering up another opportunity for me to recognise my sensitivities (I'm very tired due to a recent run of bad nights) and care for myself instead of deny or berate myself. Half the challenge is negotiating social expectations and developing assertiveness skills. So, this has to take some time, and I do think I'm making progress. But patience is definitely key.

So, well done SOS, you have been achieving a significant amount without the support (from professionals) and kindness (towards yourself) that you need. Your new challenge is accepting yourself where you are at and making choices that will help you feel better and manage life.

BTW I also use Croix's approach and get my thoughts clear and on paper before seeing a medical or counselling professional. This is really important as I want them to understand what is happening for me so that I can get their best advice/support. It's great that your husband is really involved in family life. A definite bonus.

Sending you encouragement and validation!