Just got diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder after 10 years and I don't know what to do.

Yen2 · ‎01-05-2021

So it turns out I have GAD and I don't know why. I tick all the symptoms. I worry about the future and everything I can but I can't stop it. I'm constantly tired and hungry everyday. I bite and pick my fingers and can't concentrate well. I tried using those anxiety-relief toys and meditation but nothing works for me. I'm not sure what to do even though I'm quite happy I finally know what's happening to me. I know I can do therapy or take medications. I'm keen on starting my therapy treatment next week but at the same time I'm quite at a lost on what I should do before then...Should I still function the same way I am now? I can't tell my family in detail as they wouldn't give me very good advice, my friends are ultra busy and also have things going on so my only support right now is my boyfriend. But I know I can't rely on him everytime as that can be exhausting to his mental health adding with all he has going on. Would love to hear similar stories and how you deal with GAD! Stay safe 🙂

Yen2 · ‎09-06-2021

Hi thanks so much for sharing your story and advice. As of now I have been saying and doing whatever I like to try and combat and manage my GAD. However recently it has backfired onto me mentally. I have started to realise that I regret something everyday. Just the thought of going to bed and regretting something the whole day is so exhausting and it makes me sad. I dont really want to live my life regretting the whole day. It could be about not spending enough time studying, taking too long to cook dinner or even showering.

I feel that in order to change this I have to study 24/7 and limit interaction with my friends and family like I did in high school and college. It has taken a huge blow to my confidence. As this is exam month, I feel even worse.

I have been thinking to try medication as I learned about it through my ongoing Pharmacy degree right now but am not confident I will feel better as I know the side effects, costs and how long it actually takes to give me an effect. I would like to say I have given up on how my friends talk to me and just take it as something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life (which is less taxxing compared to regretting).

My therapy sessions haven't been much help (but its just the beginning of treatment). I have already tried medidation and cant seem to make it work for me. I've shared with my parents on the idea of taking meds and my dad (fellow taker) is positive but my mom isnt really keen on the idea.

I guess now I'm just trying to go through each day without breaking down about potentially failing my exams.

Yen2 · ‎09-06-2021

Hi David35, thanks for your advice. I have tried journalling and it sucks because I enjoy putting my thoughts down in text but I regret wasting time on it. Most of the suggested treatment I try to do fails because I feel like I'm wasting time. However, I have found some success keeping track of my picking/biting habit in a phone app which takes little time.

Sophie_M · ‎09-06-2021

Hey Yen2,

Thanks for joining us on the Beyond Blue forums tonight,

We're so sorry to hear how low and empty you've been feeling about life. It sounds like you have a lot of goals you're striving towards, which is great! although, it also sounds like these expectations are affecting your relationships and mental health. Do you think there is a balance you could strike between study and other activities? Maybe leaving a day each week just to do something fun or see a friend? We think it's great you're seeking therapy and hope a few more sessions in you'll gain something beneficial from it.

If you feel it would be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.

Yen2 · ‎09-06-2021

Hi therising. To answer your question about whether anyone has helped me to get in touch with my feelings, no. I never had a very emotional family. We never say "I love you" or talk about our feelings unless we are arguing with each other. My feelings are often dismissed by my family and I recognise that some people don't need/want to understand how I'm feeling.

Boredom feels like...I should do something even though I have nothing to do. I feel like I'm wasting time. Boredom means always looking at the time and regretting what I could've done with the time I spent doing nothing/something boring. I don't feel the need to channel more excitement.
Mental stress feels like a metal ball bouncing in my head everytime I get stressed. I sigh alot nowadays. Last time, I was a dancer and stretched frequently and sighed less. When I get angry/frustrated, I rant to someone or just cry it out. Talking it out definately helps me feel more calmer. I realise most of the time I want to hear the words "you are ok/fine".
The activity you are describing is very similar to what my therapist suggested me to do. I am supposed to inhale and hold my breath for 7-9 seconds while contracting all my muscles in my body. I had only try it a few times and I'm not sure whether I feel better or not.

I never thought i was hyperactive in the physical sense. I only realise I was hyperactive mentally when I got diagnosed with GAD. I always thought I ate alot because I had a high metabolism and am quite skinny. I also find it hard to concentrate on my tasks, especially watching lectures. Even in watching movies/videos, I am impatient and like to skip forward to save my time and do something else. It seems that my mind is always wandering and asking me to do many things at once. It's honestly been too frustrating and scary.

smallwolf · ‎09-06-2021

I hear what you are saying about writing journals. For me it depends on what I am writing down. Writing down something for my psychologist is one thing. But I can also maintain a gratitude journal or finding positives in each day.

At the end of the day we each have to find out what works for us and use that because what works for me might not work for you and vice versa.

Annas1 · ‎10-06-2021

Hi Yen2,

You seem to be holding yourself to unreasonably high standards -it's a mindset that I am familiar with too. It's okay to 'let yourself off the hook' from time to time and enjoy a break from your endeavours. We all need down time and the opportunity to relax and enjoy life. Finding the balance between reaching for your goals and being kind to yourself is a real art for perfectionists. I encourage you to think about letting go, even just a little bit, of the incessant drive to excel. Give yourself some space to breath and appreciate all that effort your putting in.

I would also encourage you to make time to see friends and spend time with family. Being with others can put our struggles in perspective and help ground us in the world. When we spend a lot of time in our heads the company of others can pull us back into life and give us new things to focus on.

Lastly, I hear you about the frustration with meditation. I too have thought that my monkey mind is incompatible with the calm, clear ideal of the meditative mind. I think mindfulness might be something to explore when traditional meditation seems daunting. Mindfulness can take many forms, and in short is a way to describe putting your attention and focus on a single activity. Have a look on the web for suggestions of mindfulness practices, they can be physical (yoga, tai chi), creative (painting, drawing, craft) or traditional (meditation). It's all about being in the moment.

Take care Yen2

Here2Talk · ‎10-06-2021

Hi Yen.

Yes it’s very hard if not impossible trying to control what other people do or say or how they speak to you.

I wonder if you could go into more detail about the regret you experience?

I always panic about time and obsess over study. at the forefront of my mind is - no matter how much I do: I’m not good enough, I haven’t done good enough..

Yen2 · ‎06-07-2021

Hi Annas1,

Thank you for your advice. I will certainly look into some of your recommendations.

Take care.

Yen2 · ‎06-07-2021

Hi Here2Talk,

Thanks for listening to me. I regret almost all my actions.

It would be me agonizing about taking too long to cook, shower, rest, socialise, eat or sleep. Basically I will regret everything except studying. This usually happens during the school semester. It doesn't get bad during semester breaks but I will still have that nagging feeling at the back of my head to study otherwise I will get bad grades/fail.

Another thing I regret is also studying. It sounds funny but everyone knows me for studying and working hard. If I tell my friends I am procrastinating, they can't believe it and usually dub me as the "studious friend". I honestly hate yet love being known as the type that studies hard. In Asian culture, I am a desirable. I would study so hard during high school & college but now I have little to no motivation that I hate being me now. I want to not regret everything in my life. I feel like thats not the way I should live if I only have 1 life.

I also used to think I wasn't good enough. But now I just don't really care. But I do always think I haven't done enough everyday. I should've done this or that more or this and that less.