Just got diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder after 10 years and I don't know what to do.

[Yen2]

So it turns out I have GAD and I don't know why. I tick all the symptoms. I worry about the future and everything I can but I can't stop it. I'm constantly tired and hungry everyday. I bite and pick my fingers and can't concentrate well. I tried using those anxiety-relief toys and meditation but nothing works for me. I'm not sure what to do even though I'm quite happy I finally know what's happening to me. I know I can do therapy or take medications. I'm keen on starting my therapy treatment next week but at the same time I'm quite at a lost on what I should do before then...Should I still function the same way I am now? I can't tell my family in detail as they wouldn't give me very good advice, my friends are ultra busy and also have things going on so my only support right now is my boyfriend. But I know I can't rely on him everytime as that can be exhausting to his mental health adding with all he has going on. Would love to hear similar stories and how you deal with GAD! Stay safe 🙂

[Yen2]

I feel you. When something goes wrong or when I have immense stress/pressure, I get really irritable and take it out on others which I feel is not fair. I also have several physical symptoms to be honest, more than finger picking and biting. I'm actually not sure whether this is common with people with GAD or anxiety in general. Nausea, stomach problems, insomnia, peeling my lip, scratching my scalp and muscle tension on my neck and shoulders. Nausea is really hitting hard on me nowadays (even before and after my period). I wonder if anyone has experienced the same thing as I am in terms of nausea, etc. and whether I should speak to a GP about this as I never used to have these physical symptoms except during my period. But this month has been pretty hard for me mentally...

[Here2Talk]

Definitely the things you’ve listed are typical - nausea, stomach problems, muscle tension. I find that after quite some years of intermittent therapy and medication the physical symptoms have largely subsided, I rarely notice myself reacting physically anymore. I used to get stomach cramps all the time though.

Has your life gotten more stressful recently? Moving to Australia maybe? Starting uni 12 years ago was the catalyst for me to seek professional help.

Seeing a psychologist you will know doubt go through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - this will be very good, as GAD is super word/language/thought based, and this is essentially the reframing smallwolf mentioned. This is hard to do by yourself, because it’s hard to fight words with words, because you will resist challenging your thoughts hard: to some extent a good therapist will challenge those in a gentle way.

That takes me to a problem I have with meditation, namely that it’s basically an exercise in continuous uninterrupted thought reframing, which can be difficult, because as I’ve said you’re fighting fire with fire (words with words). However the techniques in mindfulness meditation are valuable, specifically redirecting attention to physical sensations in the body and sensory perceptions in the outside world. Right now your body is in chaos, so trying to focus on your sore muscles and stomach problems and nausea and scalp etc. are distressing, but if you can bring down those physical sensations then you can start anchoring your attention to your body and get pleasure from that rather than further anxiety. ... Hope this is helpful. It is a difficult road and any thought or idea is fair game for generalised anxiety.

Although these clinical disorders are separated into different categories, it’s not clear whether they all come from separate underlying issues or just different combinations of physical and psychological problems. For example GAD and OCD are different but have commonalities: in fact I think of GAD as like OCD but with thoughts- the thoughts are both the obsession and the behaviour you engage in to relieve anxiety.

I find at times any physical sensation stands out to me as annoying (e.g. my scalp, itchiness over my body.

Do you have any thoughts that are distressing to you?

[Yen2]

Life has definately gotten more stressful. My thoughts are mostly on my studies and my future so I waste no time studying. But the past few months I have been in an awful slump and I regret every single day even though I still study, though not as much as I usually do. I'm not a bad student but I have this expectation to study till I'm exhausted to prevent me from getting insomnia. I started seeking help at the end of last year when I realised I have some freedom to, without much judgement. Because I am from a small country where everyone knows each other literally. I feel like my GAD has gotten pretty bad this year. I've been doing subtle movements like shaking my legs and biting and picking more often. I've also started to feel more irritable than I usually am. I consider myself a patient person, but nowadays, even with my friends, I want to detach myself from people as I'm scared I'll explode and blame them for something that they may think is funny and a prank. I also have a hard time controlling my anger and have more soft spots than usual. And because I'm constantly being reminded about everything, I don't feel like going outside and meeting my friends, although they make me happy. I need someone to tell me I've done alot for the day and I should rest in order for me to actually rest.

All in all.... I'm insanely drained. I want to stop panicking over every single thing and never be able to pass through those thoughts. Now that I know whats happening to me, it makes me even more pissed as I don't understand why I developed GAD, and at such an early age.

I also would like your opinion on letting close friends/family know about GAD. Should I inform my friends I have GAD? I have let a small bunch of friends that I interact mostly with know. But they have not been taking it seriously I believe. One tells me she has it worst and the other irritates me, although its not her fault as she is being herself. Would love your opinion on this as it has been difficult for me to explain to my friends why I behave the way I am.

[smallwolf]

Hi. You asked about telling your friends....

My response might seem like a cop out and only you can decide what you say and to whom you tell. I will give you my experience in this area - I told some people in my work what I was going through, some people in groups outside work, and family (immediate). From a family perspective it was more in relation to me asking them about any family history. My parents are supportive though. Most people were accepting and supportive.

One thing I would say is that those who gave advice on what to do and medication I would treat with a grain of salt.

Anyone who I told who reaction I determined to be negative I learnt to talk about 'it' with them again. You can put that down to them not understanding.

With all of that said, i you do not feel comfortable with talking about it to family and friends, you do not have to. And then, assuming you are OK with telling someone, pick on some you trust.

[Yen2]

Hi smallwolf, thanks for your opinon. I totally agree with what you said. However, the only reason I tell friends and family is for them to understand why I sometimes react the way I do. Although they have been respectful about it, I find it hard to explain and show to them that some of their actions might trigger my anxiety. Another reason is I find it very hard to educate my mother on specific statements/words they say that makes me feel unsupported & honestly, quite hurt as she have done this many times. I have sent links about it and have tried to show my relation to it. But it feels like my mother is turning a blind eye towards most of the symptoms. To be honest, I feel like she just wants me to get rid of my finger picking and biting, rather than the overall problem.

I know I can never force people to see my GAD and I also don't want to be known as someone with GAD and being problematic about it.

[Here2Talk]

My experience of life has been different from yours, in that I also had severe social anxiety from.... I remember the onset at 9 years of age. So I never really had any friends. Therefore I never had problems with the things they said triggering me.

To this day I haven’t actually told very many people at all. I haven’t even told my parents, although they have a clue that I’ve been to therapy and maybe on medication, I don’t know..

It’s hard to say what you should do. You should do whatever you want and feel comfortable with. Although keep in mind that the tendency toward pathological worry will distort both how you imagine choices to play out, and how you feel they have played out afterwards.

Another thing I’d draw attention to - and I hope this is a gentle enough way to do it - is a way of perceiving things other people say. There are definitely rude and insensitive people out there, and maybe you should at times call them out for the things they say. But also something to keep in mind is that if you can control your reaction to what people say (within reason) then that gives “you” the power over your mood/thoughts. Whereas if you are relying on them to take it easy on you, you run into two problems: (1) you will have to pre-warn people not to trigger you, and (2) perhaps there are certain reasons that they can’t change anyway.

my point being that it’s much better to control your reaction than other people’s behaviour- because often you won’t be able to... they are humans with complex brains just like us.

However if you have told somebody and they persist in “purposely” triggering you, then they probably deserve whatever you say.

hang in there Yen, and hopefully the therapy will help. Once you get some hours in there, you might be able to decrease - maybe even one day stop - those physical behaviours, and just in general have a little less nervous energy, and flow on benefits will come, and mindfulness may actually start to help. For years I’ve tried (literally nearly a decade) but I’ve just started having some results (small, but still results) this year.

[Here2Talk]

How’s it been going Yen?

[Annas1]

Hey smallwolf, Yen and friends,

I just want to shout out to you all for your honesty, bravery and persistence - I've decided these are key to managing a long-term condition like anxiety and depression. It really is a journey.

In some ways Yen you are in the early phase of a journey towards recovery and management, even if your challenges have been long-standing. My wish for you is to remember that you are not alone in your struggles and that all your efforts reflect your courage and essential value. Bravo and keep going!

There was something you said smallwolf that really resonated with me - sometimes you have to go back into the valley to find a better way up the mountain. Wow! That's so useful and probably does reflect my own journey with anxiety, panic and insomnia. Of course we all want to know the most direct and failsafe path up that mountain, however there is rarely such a neat way to the top. I also think there is an element of self-development that I have been forced to pursue in order to best manage my condition. Perhaps others have found this to true for them too? In my case I have to address the habits of people-pleasing, perfectionism and psychological dependency. I can interpret some of my anxiety as an internal alarm system warning me about these habits. Change though is hard work, never straight-line, and filled with valley-wandering! That said, I do think I have courage when I pick myself up and start a new track up that climb. Hopefully a bit wiser, a bit stronger, and less judgmental of myself and others.

We must remember that we are all valuable and imperfect because we are human. So it's all okay.

Take care friends,

Annas1

[David35]

I found writing helps. I've had some ups and downs in life and I find writing them down sometimes gets all the mess out of your head and frees up your thinking. Especially if there are life lessons you've learnt from situations. The good thing is that, compared to talking to people who will sometimes understand or not depending on who it is, the journal of your life doesn't dismiss your feelings.

[therising]

Hi Yen2

Life definitely sounds incredibly stressful for you. My heart truly goes out to you.

Sounds like you have an incredibly hyper active mind and body. I can almost feel that hyperactivity through how clearly you convey your challenges. Couldn't help but wonder about that period factor, how things become more intense around that time, so I Googled it. You led me to quite an education. Apparently, research has found that estrogen can stimulate certain populations of dopamine and serotonin receptors in the brain. This may help explain things, estrogen acting as a stimulant.

I can't help but wonder whether anyone has led you to get more in touch with your feelings, in order to help you separate them and identify them.

• What does boredom feel like in your body? Can you not tolerate that feeling? Do you feel the need to channel more excitement?
• What does mental stress feel like in your body? Would you say you store it to some degree in your muscles? Do you vent mental stress through a lot of sighing and stretching? Do you vent angrily when it gets to much and you're not given other ways to release it or work it out? I find one of the best ways of venting mental stress involves talking it out.
• When you're feeling lost, do you ever try channeling inspiration? This one can be a challenge, especially when the mind becomes fixated on a problem and that problem becomes our only focus. Breathing into that channel of inspiration does take a bit of practice. There's a brilliant neuroscientist named Andrew Huberman who has great tips on breath work. You might want to look him up. Whether it involves creating more activity or reducing hyperactivity, he swears by the 'Breath/ heart/mind' method. To generate more energy, the focus is on longer breaths in, which increases heart rate, leading to more mental activity. It's the opposite for releasing hyperactivity: Focus on the out breaths being longer (venting), which helps slow heart rate, reducing mental activity. For this 2nd one, he advises practicing this when you're not so stressed, as it's easier to begin mastering it in this case. Altering brain wave activity allows the mind to open more, to receive inspiration. You know those moments when on occasion a bit of inspiration pops in from out of nowhere and you're left thinking 'Where the heck did that come from?'

Have you ever been led to wonder about what makes you so hyperactive? This state can definitely become exhausting, requiring a lot of refueling (food).

🙂