Is it Low self esteem?

JEF15

Hello

Lately I’ve been noticing myself obsessing over things I say or things i do when I’m with people. I go home and obsess over something silly i said or did. Even if it’s not that silly, my brain tells me that it is and that everyone thinks I’m stupid. Usually after a day or so I’ve moved on from it, but usually cause it’s replaced with the newest things to obsess over.
sometimes it can be something I did, like not let a car go in front of me. And I just obsess over it

why do i do this???

therising

Hi JEF15

I think it can be the stresser in us that can lead us to stress over things, the wonderful part of us that can lead us to wonder about things, the critic in us that can lead us to criticise our self, the pessimist in us that can lead us to feel incredibly down or depressed over things and the list of facets that make up our multifaceted nature goes on.

I've found the inner critic to be one of the toughest facets to manage at times. My inner critic can really go to town on me on occasion. Just yesterday I was trying to get out of a car park that I passionately dislike. I try to avoid it because it is so crowded and so many people are trying to enter into the carpark's main road exit out. I'd let about 4 drivers come in off the side roads when I decided 'I'm not letting the next person in, as it's not fair to the people behind me'. Hope that scenario makes sense. Not letting the next person in triggered my inner critic, 'That's terrible. What kind of person does that?! You're selfish and inconsiderate. You know they probably hate you now'. Anyhow...

One of the ways I tend to manage my inner critic is by talking to it. I don't do this out loud, as this would appear highly questionable. Simply thinking stuff like 'Shut the hell up and stop bringing me down' or 'Stop being so dramatic' or 'You're doing my head in' would be a few examples. Giving a name to critical inner dialogue can be helpful. While I simply call my critical inner dialogue my 'inner critic', I know of someone who gives his inner critic an actual name, like Fred or something like that. Whatever works. It's about identifying it and addressing it in ways that work.

Not sure if you're much of a reader but I've found a really good book to be 'Insanely Gifted: Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel', by Jamie Catto. With a sense of humour in parts, Catto touches on how certain parts of us come to life, what triggers them, how they can lead us to think and feel, what they sound like, how they can work against us and for us and so on.

As a gal who's a combination of so many different facets, I'm trying to develop certain facets or parts of myself at the moment. I've found (over the years) that once certain facets are better exercised or more developed, they tend to naturally override others. For example, by tapping into my analytical nature or the 'matter of fact' part of me, this part would dictate 'You want to get out of the carpark and the fact is you can't do that if you continue to let everyone in'. The matter of fact aspect of us tends to take all the emotion out of things, as it helps us deal only with the facts. Emotional detachment is definitely handy at times. Tapping into 2 facets at once (such as 'the analyst' and 'the feeler' in us) can, on the other hand, help us identify the facts while also managing the emotional side of a situation. Of course, all easier said than done (mastering that kind of balance or middle ground).

Guest_04200989

Thanks for that. I have spent a few years revisiting what I've said or should have said in situations. resulting in a lot of time feeling under valued or mis understood. My self talk rolls around and around again, through the day and wakes me at night. I cant let it go until another situation takes over and the process starts again. It has left me very indecisive and no courage to go out or make decisions. The mater of fact approach could be just what I need. Ive started the " will this mater next year like it does now" approach and usually the things are so trivial they shouldn't matter at all.

Merricat

Hi

Have you tried medication? When I started taking SSRI antidepressants my obsessive behaviour became more normalised and I wasn't constantly thinking about all the stupid things I said in front of people. Interestingly I went off my medication and the symptoms returned but not as bad as before. Every time I reply to a post I cringe as I feel like I've said something stupid or insensitive. I never trust myself.

I really feel for you but it may be worth talking to your GP as worrying can lead to anxiety which can lead to depression. You may have OCD.

Take care

Merricat 😺