I want to change

[hobi]

Hello everyone,

i found out about this forum accidentally and i want to talk about somethings i have always held back.

I am 21 years old and i don't know what's wrong with me. I moved to Australia almost four years ago when i turned 18. After i finished High School, my parents thought it was better for me if i move 9000+ miles away from home and start a new, better life. I was excited about all the new ventures but i was scared my anxiety would get worse. I lived very basic life back home, my parents raised me well i think and gave me a perfect childhood any kid could could ask for. The kind of society i lived in is how i developed my anxiety, i was always told i was never enough and there were standards for girls and boys that just had to be met.

I have always been that innocent, quiet, shy girl at the back of the class. No one really ever talked to me and i don't really have a good amount of friends. I know it's not about having a lot of friends but about having a few good ones but i don't even think i have a few good ones. Over the years, I have held back too many of my emotions, i always thought i was overreacting when i felt overwhelmed during different situations and that what i was going through was all normal. I was somehow taught that i had to keep quiet if i were to lead a NORMAL life and I knew that i was never going to be an IMPORTANT person and that my emotions could never mean anything to anyone and that was alright with me until i started to breakdown every night, every afternoon, and wake up with this heavy, tired feeling. I have no one to talk to because i feel like i'm asking for too much and that i am creating all this anxiety i have. I have developed a traumatic social anxiety that refrains me from being able to talk to people or a small group, i feel i am a burden to all the people around me and my parents as well. Don't get me wrong, i have done nothing to hurt the people around me but i feel like my presence is never appreciated so i tend to be by myself, contained in the four walls of my room.

I cant really seem to be able to put into words what i am going through but i hope it was understandable at least. I really want to change myself because i have a whole life to live and i can't lead a happy life this way. I want to improve my flaws and live the best possible life i can but i need a little guidance, what would you suggest i do first?

xoxo

[Lilyk]

Hi Hobi,

i completely understand what you are going through and it’s kind of relieving to hear someone else feels the same. I’ve always been an axioms person but it’s recently gotten worse and I’m not sure why. But this has caused me to feel more lonely. Hope you are doing ok with everything x

Lily

[Doolhof]

Hi hobi and Lily as well,

Welcome to the community here. I'm wondering if you both might feel comfortable phoning the Beyond Blue support line on 1300 22 4636. The support people will listen to you and may be able to suggest some Beyond Blue resources you can use or suggest other options of assistance.

The Beyond Blue website also has information on mental health issues. By reading about say Anxiety, you maybe able to decide if this relates to you. If so, you could discuss your feelings with a DR.

One thing I have learnt is that parents try to do their best bringing us up, with the knowledge they have and what they have learnt themselves from their own experiences.

We can still respect our parents for who they are, sometimes I believe we need to be aware of our own needs and how to have them fulfilled.

All people are different. We have the opportunity to change how we think, feel, act, behave and see life each day. (I'm still learning this for myself)

Every person has the right to believe in themselves, to feel confident in who they are, to know within themselves they are worthy, have a purpose and deserve inner peace and happiness.

I have also learnt I can not expect other people to provide these things for me. When they do, it is a huge bonus. I need to find these things within myself. When I am able to do that I thank myself for my achievement.

We can change ourselves, one moment at a time. Some days we may go backwards and wonder why we are even trying! That is okay. Take a deep breathe and try again.

I want to encourage you both to consider what is possible and find ways to achieve it.

Cheers from Dools

[composedmind]

Hey Hobi,

Lovely sharing!

Looks like you've managed to 'put it' into words just fine - count that as a win for yourself.

What's even more lovely to see is your want to change, is not just expressed, but actualised in your message - you're doing it.

You're talking to a relatively big group of people in this message - breakthrough much?

Next steps?

You've identified what you don't want above - what do you want?

You've got this!

Tyler

[bluenight]

Hi Hobi

I think I know how you feel, I was pretty quiet and shy growing up and still am most of the time. I have had social anxiety for a few years now and it was pretty bad at one point, I had it around everyone even my parents and family, it kind of just got that bad out of nowhere. I also felt like I had hardly any friends, at least not any good friends. I don't have any friends now as I decided it would better to have no friends if they're not good friends (just my opinion). I have people who I chat with but no one who I feel is a real friend.

There's a few things that have helped with my anxiety and my mood I can elaborate if you want but I'm not sure if it would be beneficial. It sounds like you feel really alone and isolated at the moment, and you might feel like things aren't going to improve? Which makes you feel even worse and even more anxious and depressed which then makes you feel even more socially anxious, it's very hard.

I think it would be good for you to chat to a professional, I know it has helped me in the past. Also for me personally, talking to god about things or praying really has helped me a lot.

Maybe, keep posting and talking about what's going on and maybe we can help somehow?