I really need advice. It’s all too much.

Tori_nawec · ‎03-05-2019

It’s a long read.. but I’d appreciate anyone’s help.

Two months ago, while at work, all of a sudden I felt so short of breath, my chest/shoulders were tight and my head was spinning. no history of mental illness or really no clue what an anxiety symptoms were, i thought i was dying. I left work immediately to try and sleep it off. It didn’t get any better, so off I went to the doctor with extremely high heart rate, and I couldn’t breathe. Emergency Room it was for me. I had two ecg’s, blood tests, chest X-ray, and left with discharge papers saying “Anxiety reaction” .. the first month was HORRIBLE. I laid in bed 24 hrs a day. I hardly ate. (Lost 10kgs) I was too fragile/scared to even walk down my stairs. It’s the worst thing I’ve been through being in constant fear if something will happen to you.

i saw a psychologist. currently 3 sessions in. She is helping me to come to terms with it all. But my symptoms are very on and off and it’s so hard to deal with. My main symptom that started all of this, was my shortness of breath and something I really can’t get over, in two months, my breathing is the same, and tbh it’s becoming normal to me to not be able to breathe

I genuinely feel like my shortness of breath gives me anxiety, and I almost get anxious about getting anxiety symptoms. Sounds a little dumb.

I went back to work today for three hours. It was a STRUGGLE. And has taken me all day to feel semi ok. My coping mechanism is literally to lay in bed.

Im trying to eat and sleep better, exercise more, but I just feel so OVERWHELMED when I’m around people. Like everything is going so fast around me but I’m just, there. The shops, work, around a lot of family at a time, I just wanna go home. (I live alone)

I just want to know if anyone has a similar story with their feelings and symptoms :

- shortness of breath/ tight chest when trying to inhale deep. It’s resulted in me having pain under my left collarbone/shoulder when I take a deep breath anytime now cos I feel like I’m trying to do it all the time but I can’t help it. I just have the urge.. my breathing is the main issue for my anxious feelings!! I feel like I want to break my collarbones just to get a deep breath sometimes. (calm breathing just doesn’t do it for me?)

- dizziness, blurry eyes, dry eyes, headaches, unmotivated, tired all the time, denial, feeling like something is medically wrong still. Can’t concentrate.

I’ve also been thinking about medicine.. Maybe it’ll help me get through the day.

Tori_nawec · ‎06-05-2019

Thanks for checking in!

honestly still pretty much the same. 😞 it’s an effort to get up eat and shower.. spent most of my days in bed sleeping. Today I’m visiting family and attempting to eat better/ go for a walk but trying to find the motivation is so difficult.

Just feel so stuck in this headspace.

YellowPoppy · ‎06-05-2019

Hi Tori, do any family or friends know whats going on for you. You've already said that you don't want to move back with your family cause that brings on anxiety, but maybe they could support you in other ways? Not sure what the situation with them is though.

I wouldn't have been able to even have a psych appointment or a gp appointment without the support of my mum so it's really awesome that you managed to get appointments done considering how unmotivated you feel.

I hope you can find a friend to talk to about what's going on and that that gives you some relief.

Glad you're trying to get things done today, that's such a huge thing. I managed to tick a few things off today too so, go us!

I've really found writing stuff down really helps me, I'm able to get out of my head and it makes me feel like I achieved something.
I do it in a journal but you can download apps to record your thoughts and emotions.

Do you have a pet? Are you an animal person? Sometimes it helps cause they are a companion but there's no pressure to be a certain, in saying that I wouldn't recommend getting a pet without thorough consideration.

I'll keep in touch and you can respond or not as you please.

Thinking of you

YP

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎06-05-2019

You're lucky you have some support. I don't have anyone (except my dog). I also find it hard being around people. I study uni online but last week I had to attend a week on campus as it's compulsory. The first day I had an anxiety attack and couldn't stop crying so they sent me home. The other days I somehow managed to get through, but boy I'm glad it's over! Today I'm just feeling uber lonely. Anyway, just wanted to say you're not alone. There are lots of us that understand what you're going through. Glad to hear you're trying some stuff today. It's hard x

Tori_nawec · ‎06-05-2019

Hey,

my family do know what’s going on. But I think they find it hard to understand why I was fine 2 months ago and now I don’t want to see anyone(even I can’t understand). They are trying to be supportive, but especially my mum doesn’t really “get it” if you know what I mean. So I tend to hide my feelings while I’m around them..

i didn’t want my family to come with me or help me with anything because I guess I don’t want them to see me struggling. Even my friends. I really prefer to be alone and do everything I have to do alone. As I said, being around anyone is a lot for me.. Not sure if other people feel like this, but I was very sensitive about talking about this to my family and friends so I didn’t want to get upset about it in front of them. Problem solved if I just go to my doctor and pysch alone.. the only reason I have been going to appointments is because I want to feel better. It’s scary to feel like this all the time..

I have a few friends that know. But I genuinely feel like no one gets it unless they’ve been through something like this, which is why I love to make threads and talk to people that I KNOW feel the same..

so proud of you! I know it’s not easy. I managed to go to the shop and buy myself some lunch, no doubt my chest was tight the ENTIRE time, but I done it. haha.

i might try that. I like drawing but sometimes I feel so out of breath I just want to lay down.

i don’t have a pet but I would LOVE a dog!! Since I live alone it would be amazing to have a little puppy with me. But that’s when finances come into play, at this point I’m not paying rent, barley can afford petrol/food. So it’s not a good idea yet. 😞

Thanks for caring, honestly.

Tori_nawec · ‎06-05-2019

I’m sorry. You have support here with us. 🙂

thanks for your post. It’s reassuring to know there are other people who know how I feel.

hooe things get better for you

YellowPoppy · ‎06-05-2019

Hey, don't have time to respond to a satisfactory extent, but responding to let you know I'll be posting a reply tonight

YellowPoppy · ‎06-05-2019

It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it?
Don't want to be alone but can't be around people.

I'm messaging friends daily, talking about anything. My problems, their problems, today I spoke to my friend about her laptop. It's just to feel that social contact without having to look at anyone.

Good job getting lunch!! It's awesome that you did that, even though it was hard and uncomfortable.

I hope journaling works for you, or that you find something that does.

I'm sorry your financial situation is so stressful! I wish there was a therapy where you could sit in a room full of puppies! No people!!

You're so welcome, my friend! This thread has helped me, you've helped me. It's something I look forward to every morning. And I hope you do too.

Be in touch!

Your friend,
YP

Tori_nawec · ‎06-05-2019

It definitely is. But I just returned home from seeing my family and I’m feeling quite okay. There was a couple moments when I was overwhelmed but I always try let it pass..

i definitely get that. I enjoy talking to my friends on social media too, because you can still enjoy their company but kinda without the commitment.

drawing seems to be my best mindfulness task at this point so I’m going to try to keep that up..

Oh that would be amazing!!! 🙂

thank you. I’m so glad I’ve helped you aswell. It makes my heart happy! I’m always here if you ever need to express how you feel, and I know you’ll be here for me too 🙂

Tori

YellowPoppy · ‎06-05-2019

Hey,

I'm so glad today went okay for you! That's pretty great.

I have this saying, maybe you can relate,
I'm okay but I'm not better.
Cause I have days where I'm doing really well and I feel fantastic and like I can take on the world, but I also know I have allot of work to do to get better.

I wish I could see one of your drawings, I know they're often personal but it sounds like you get to clear your head when you draw.

I'm glad your heart is happy, and I hope you are too 🙂

Talk tomorrow

YP

Tori_nawec · ‎07-05-2019

That is such a great saying! I love that. I definitely will use that.

my drawings are a good way to express feelings when you feel like you can’t put it in writing. I’m not the best but practice makes perfect! wish I could post some here!

have a great sleep!