I need your help! What can I do to support my friend?

[MaddyR1]

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate it if anyone who's experienced anxiety could take the time to read this and send through some advice.

One of my closest friends has alluded to her struggles with anxiety, however she has a really hard time opening up about her feelings. On the odd occasion that she has made comments about her challenges, I think I've handled the situation poorly as I've rushed to giving advice/diagnosis (I now know NOT to do this) rather than properly listening.

She lacks adequate support from her family as they have a hard time understanding mental illnesses, and so she's extremely reluctant to open up and seek help (perhaps due to a fear of judgment?)

I've never had major issues with anxiety and I don't always know how to act around my friends that do have it, and so I really need advice from people who have been in my friend's situation. Here's some specific questions I have, even if you just answer one or two it would be a tremendous help.

I know I can't push her into confiding in someone, but what can I do to let her know that I'm always there to talk to?

If she does open up to me what are some things I should and shouldn't do?

What were the things you really needed to hear from your friends when you were experiencing mental health issues?

Should I suggest some resources for her, or does she need to be the one to take action?

[MaddyR1]

Hi dadsgripe,

Thank you for your kind words and advice. It was so good of you to open up on your experiences to help me better understand everything, I'm really appreciative of that. As with all the other great replies I've received, your advice has been really helpful, and I'll be sure to remember it when I'm having these important conversations with people.

All the best ❤️

[MaddyR1]

Hi Whatsinaname,

This was such a good answer, and it sounds very much like how I suspect my friend is feeling. Thank you so much for reaching out to me, I really appreciate it.

All the best ❤️

[MaddyR1]

Thanks for reaching out SarahZ and stressing the importance of listening. I really appreciate all the help and kind words I've received. As with all the other pieces of advice, I'll be sure to remember your words when I'm with my friends.

Wishing you all the best Xx

[MaddyR1]

Hi Ggrand,

Thank you for your help and warm words, I've been so touched by how open and friendly this space is. I'm making sure to look after myself, and I hope you're taking care as well.

Sending lots of love and thanks your way ❤️

[RoseQuartz]

Hi Maddy,

I’d like to say that you are such a beautiful friend focusing on providing quality help. A trusting and reliable support network that is available willing to listen on good or bad days is always healthy (for everyone with or without anxiety). Keep that up great work.

The actual condition experienced by your friend would be best identified and worked on with a professional. We can easily assume the health label like anxiety based on some symptoms but may self misdiagnose and cause frustration and a delay on improving lifestyle. In particular with COVID it places a lot of new stresses which can rapidly become dangerous.

The Beyond Blue helpline is not intrusive at all so it would not be scary reaching out for conversation. Infact, it is kind of like a key unlocking lots of clarity which removes anxiousness. The outcome will be options and a plan on their own terms.

Personally, I think the tone, wording and timing of the recommendation are what make or break the success of the suggestion. Because let’s face it we don’t want to feel different/ isolated/rejected. A kind authentic subtle drop in of a service Beyond Blue you’re familiar with that is effective and so commonly used which you think would be great to check out (like you would also use too if you ever felt that way) is empowering (and so normal, like going to the GP for a general check up straight away in auto pilot)! If they feel they are too shy or need they extra support and you are comfortable maybe you can offer be in the same household the time of the call.

Lastly, I would recommend to your friend journaling. It is so fun, it allows a private safe space to be expressive, uncover things of interest or concern and then share with professionals. My friend got into this not too long ago and they felt better as there were some topics that were boundaries they bottled up.

All the best 🙂

[Jasjit]

Hi MaddyR1,

Thanks for sharing your story with me. I can assure you that I can completely relate to this story!!! I used to suffer from social and generalized anxiety and phobias throughout my childhood and late adolescence. It was miserable living every moment where no one could understand what I was going through and despite I was quite embarrassed to even share it with anyone.

So how did I do it? To me, it was the actual food!! The fuel that I was putting in my body was going against me. I had a very bad diet. As soon as I changed my diet going from unhealthy to whole foods plant-based diet with vigorous exercise and practicing yoga and meditation every day, I reversed my anxiety! Now I have literarily no anxiety when meeting or interacting with people in society. This is because after a lifestyle change I started connecting myself - the mind and the body!! And it worked!!! Now I can even speak in front of 100 people!

Since I have seen a significant change in myself, I would really like to help you out!!! Please keep me updated on your current situation.

[David35]

Sometimes just listening, being a sounding board, helping her clarify her thoughts and feelings is priceless. I wouldn't offer solutions and definitely don't invalidate (dismiss) her feelings as worthless. They are what they are. For someone with mental health issues, just having someone in their corner who they can trust is good too. Maybe phrases like "What seems to be on your mind" or "You seem a bit preoccupied" might help. It's such a delicate issue that it really depends on the person.