I need help socializing because of anxiety

[ineedhelppls]

My anxiety has gotten so much worse in the past year due to COVID 19. I haven’t socialized with new people in a really long time and recently went to a new school. I had a really hard time socializing. I couldn’t talk to anyone I got paired up with in class, and I hated myself for it. But I got close with one person and they introduced me to someone new who they knew, and now I hang out with them. At first I had a lot of trouble talking to all these new people. But then I thought it was getting better. Until I got confronted by these two people saying how I never message them back, never answer their calls, am always on my phone instead of talking to them and I never pay attention to them. One day at school during lunch I just had my earphones in as I was too scared to say anything, and wanted to have the comfort of being and they said I was rude for this. I understand how it comes across as rude but I tried to explain to them how I can’t help it, and that I never know what to say so I just do what is comfy. But I already told them this before and I was afraid they thought I was just making excuses. My anxiety is ruining everything. It is making me manipulate in situations, it is making me a terrible person. I am afraid of who I am. I feel as if I have become toxic. My friend told me they cant always be there to help me socialize and I realized that I put it too much on them when it is my own problem. I feel so terrible, but I don’t even want to resolve this conflict because yet again it feels like too much energy and I am extremely scared of it. I never have energy to do anything, I can get by but that’s it. I really need help. One of the friends even messaged me asking if I am okay, but I don’t want to reply because if I am honest with them it will seem as if I am guilt tripping. But if I don’t reply it will seem as if I am a bad person. It feels like I could throw up at any moment.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome to the forums.

I worked from home for many years and to cut a long story short, it can or did have a negative effect on my ability to socialise. This was because I was a programmer and worked in IT there was no real need to talk to anyone unless required.

So I can see where you are coming and the effect this has on you. But you also made 2 friends despite this so congratulate yourself on that front. Also know that it is OK to ask for help... perhaps a mental health line?

From your post I don't really know you are.... if you are under 25 then kids helpline might be a good place to start.

There are also some self-help strategies you could try, from relaxation or exposing yourself to feared situations. Here it is best to start small.

One trick I was told by a counsellor was "and then what?" which is basically working your way through negative thoughts or criticisms with that question. I can talk more or give an example if you want.

It does sound like you want get better an handling this. My suggestion here would be that if you feel your friends cannot help, then maybe talking to a counselor would help.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

I am really sorry for what you are going through. I can see you are feeling very distressed and conflicted.

If you feel as if your anxiety is ruining your life, it is recommended to see a psychologist or a school counsellor, if you don't want your parents to know. They can help you cope with all your hardship and give you many strategies.

Please stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

[Sophia16]

BTW,

If you need live help, you can call Beyond blue on 1300 22 4636 or chat using https://online.beyondblue.org.au/#/chat/start.

[44Max44]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Your situation sounds almost identical to my own and what I went through in highschool. I can 100% relate to the "I don’t even want to resolve this conflict because it feels like too much energy and I am extremely scared of it" part. My Mum booked me to see my school councilor and I pretty much told him "I'm okay, there's no need for me to see you, thanks bye" and that was it, I never saw him again. Truthfully I did need to see him and it would've probably really helped, but I didn't have the energy to do it and was scared to get help because getting help was me admitting that I had a problem and I didn't want to do that. Just like you I do just enough to get by but nothing else. I don't have the energy to do anything else.

I don't know your friend, but if you trust them I'd talk to them. They're asking if you're okay so they want to help. If they care about you they won't see it as you guilt tripping them, they'll probably be thankful that you're being honest and it could even strengthen your friendship. You could even be open with them about wanting to talk to them but not wanting to guilt trip them and you can go from there depending on how they respond. I'm not a professional by any means but I think this would be a good place to start. I wish I was honest with my friends and family about how I felt when I was younger.

As others have mentioned already, I'd recommend you see your school councillor, they can really help.

I wish you the best of luck