I need all this to stop!

[ci]

This is to hard! Don't know what this post will achieve but if I don't get it out I'm going to explode!

I am try desperately to held everything together but I can't I'm hiding in a corner right now trying to catch my breath and calm my thoughts. Does anyone else ever feel like they are just going to snap and loose control of everything I feel like I'm going to just  loose it well scream throw stuff in so frustrated!

I have ocd  and there are people in my house fixing stuff and I so annoyed at my husband for organizing it. It's causing me huge anxiety and thoughts are nuts! I been really struggling this last month told him I need to rest I need everything that doesn't need to happen to stop and I need a break. But here I am in the corner. 

My husband has been great with all this better than I could have asked and I'm so selfish for needing more than he can give me but I do right now. I'm so tired keep telling I need to get a break I  need help I  run our business working from home I have 3 kids and no support from outside family on one to help take the pressure off. Feel like I need a week of having someone with me get on top of everything that I'm behind on and give me a chance to rest or maybe go  for a walk alone I  love my family so much this sounds so selfish but I'm lost as to what to do. Dealing with ocd and depression is one of the hardest thing I've ever gone through and my life hasn't been smooth. 

How do you deal with this I  see doc and therapists  not on meds yet tried to avoid but think it's time to fill my scrip?

[TheSteve]

Hi CI,

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry about what you are going through, it does sound like it is a bit overwhelming at present. 

Perhaps you can try getting a nanny or babysitter for 2 weeks or a month, in order to get on top of things? Yes, there will be a cost to this, but it is worth a shot to see how this effects you mentally and physically. Perhaps using this time to clean house, as they say, may be a nice way to get some time back for yourself.

You may also do the above if your mother, father, a family member etc. is able to swing by. Or, if your husband can take a week or two annual leave just to help out around home. There are many ways to accomplish this, but just having some "down" time is really important for us all.

I would also suggest putting any renovations or other activities where people are working in your home on hold until you feel on top of it. Or, just modify their level of access or timing thereof.

Getting a sitter after school for your kids, or putting them in a sport or program (even daycare) could be a nice temporary solution also, and less expensive than full time care.

Talking to the doctor about medication options is also worth considering. 

Leave no stone unturned, it is very much trial and error healing in full. But be sure to not let things get too on top of you. Cut out some time for yourself at the earliest and enjoy it. All the best to you, come back and chat anytime.

Steve

[Guest_1055]

Dear ci

Do you feel better within yourself now that you posted here? It was a good idea of yours. Just let it all out, let it go.... Sometimes I even punch a pillow using as much physical strength  as I can.I do feel silly writing that though. But anyway sometimes it helps. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I care . I would even come to your house and give you a sisterly hug and help you clean and stuff. 

OK bye now, with love

Shelley xxxx

[Guest_5218]

Hello again Ci.  So sorry that you're going through such a tough time just now.  Of course its never easy around Christmas even at the best of times.  Such a stressful time of year!  

I will cut this post short.  I see that you are already receiving therapy, and also that your Dr has previously given you a script for medication to help you.  Medication may seem like a last resort for you, and I totally understand that.  However, given your current struggles, I think its now time that you filled your script and gave the meds a chance.  It doesnt have to be forever!  Just long enough to get you through this particularly tough time.

Thinking of you Ci.  Hugs xx

[Dwwmills]

Hi ci.

I know what you mean about having people working on your
house. There seems to be nowhere to hide from them. We had a house extension
put on and at the time my anxiety was under control but I still found it
extremely intrusive and stressful. It took about 14 weeks to do and we were without
a kitchen and bathroom for about 10 weeks of that time. It was like camping in
your own home. The thing I came to realise about builders is that they like to
get there really really early in the morning and use their noisiest bit of
equipment at that time. They then make varying amounts of noise on and off till
about 2 o’clock in the afternoon and they suddenly disappear. I understand what
you are going through and I think this is fairly normal. There just seems to be
nowhere to hide from them unfortunately. The upside is that they do eventually
go away and the improvements they make last forever.

I run my own business and sometimes it seems like there’s no
way to get on top of all the things you need to deal with. If you’re struggling
a bit mentally this can make it even harder. I once took a years worth of
invoices, bills and bank statements in a big plastic bag into my accountants at
the end of the year. Normally fairly organised but this year I just had a bad
year. I paid them to sort everything out and pieced together my bookkeeping for
that year. It cost a little bit extra but surprisingly not a huge amount but got
me through that year. I now use an accounting package which saves me a lot of
time. Once it set up you just enter invoices and bills and do regular bank
reconciliations and the package sorts the rest out.

Don’t be scared of the medication as you can always stop or
change the medication if it doesn’t suit you. You are actually in charge, the
psychiatrist is there to help you do what you want. I resisted them for years
but eventually found that they were quite helpful. I was only on them for 18
months but they help lower the anxiety to allow me to do CBT more effectively.

[ci]

Thank-you everyone for your replies. Helped today not to feel alone. 

Glad today is almost over its getting scary how bad this can get. 

I'm seeing doc tomorrow just to check a couple of things health wise need to be sorted before I start medication then if all OK will give it a go all your posts positively say about meds it helps to hear positive attitude about it I'm really nervous! Thanks again for your replies 

[Chicken_Wings]

Ci I'm glad posting here helped you.
Your post sounded so overwhelmed and I felt for you.

I am really scared of medication myself, I didn't even take panadol for 6 years! When I first started taking my SSRI I was scared it would change me, that it would change how I think or how I see the world. But to be honest I couldn't have gotten through what I did without it.
It didn't change me, it gave me back the me that had been lost to my fears and depression.

I guess think of it like another kind of medical issue. If you needed anitbiotics for a while you'd take them. If you needed blood pressure medicine you'd take it. This is the same, there is something happening in your body and it's ok to get medical help to get you back on track. Like other people have said, it doesn't have to be forever, but even if it is, who cares. All that matters if whether they can help you have less anxiety, less stress, less fear and darkness.

I hope tomorrow goes well for you.

[ci]

Thanks chickenwings 

I same don't take anything unless I have to even after a hysterectomy I wouldn't take the pain killers just stuck to panadol and vultarin and was hard enough to take that. Really struggling to fill in my script doesn't help being home alone with my kids during day worried to take anything being here with them hopefully can push myself to take them. At least things bit easier at the moment than Monday. 

Hope your doing well

[Chicken_Wings]

Once you've taken it once you'll see that nothing bad happens. 
Remember that each time you need to take it. Nothing bad happens.

And slowly you will notice that things are becoming a little easier. The worry is fading and you are more able to concentrate. I promise it gets easier. I'm now far more worried about not taking my meds than I am about taking them.

Here's to a good day.