I'm worried about where my life is going to end up.

[Sandy78]

I've suffered anxiety and depression for about 10 years now. Ive also suffered with anorexia and bulimia. I've been married for 13 years and my husband has stuck by me through all this time. I've tried just about every medication there is out there with no success. i think they made me worse. I've been seeing councilors for all these years and do my best to stay on top of things. I get up and go to work every day, I look after my 2 children with my husbands support. I exercise 5 days a week and I don't withdraw myself from social situations and do things that used to make me happy. But none of this works. I can't seem to find a medication that helps and lately I've come to a point where I just want to give up and sleep all the time. My husband says Ive been just like a zombie for the past year. I'm there in body but not really mind. I haven't been happy for a long time and I'm always sad. Is there really any hope. I know there are a lot of people a lot worse off than me but it doesn't make any difference knowing this. My 6 year old daughter last night asked my husband " is mummy ever going to be happy". I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

I think life generally ends up, quite uninterestingly, in a hole in the ground, making intimate counsel with the swarming things that swarm and the crawling things that crawleth.  So I don't think how it ends up can be very much of the point of the thing.  I think it's not about getting anywhere, so much as looking, listening, and licking at the fanciful things encountered whilst going somewheres.

If the old pasttimes aren't churning your butter, have you tried new ones?  I recently took up tango lessons.  I believe I have managed to craft for myself a one-man remedial group, as the first stage of the first lesson - "how to walk" - saw me taken aside from the others and chided for not knowing even how to *stand* like a man.  But hope springs eternal, and the dance must go on.

Forgive me if this is overly presumptuous, but I get the vibe like you feel you're a passenger in your life, rather than the driver.  Like life is "taking" you somewhere, rather than you taking it somewhere?  If so, my prescription is to do new things.

[Chris_B]

Hi Sandy78, are you seeing a counsellor currently? There are so many different medications, and for some people they work, others not; but finding a connection with the right therapist where you are in the driving seat can be invaluable.  Batman makes a good point above about taking some control back, declaring some goals, even you're just starting with: to be happy.

Some research in the UK about wellbeing uncovered 5 areas of our lives in which we can really make a difference: http://www.mind.org.uk/employment/mind_week_2011/employees/five_ways_to_wellbeing

Connecting with others, being active, taking notice, learning new things, and giving.  It sounds like you're doing some of these already, but if you're not enjoying them - your exercise regime for example - dump it and try something else.  The social situations: are you socialising with people you actually like, share your interests and stimulate you?  Do they make you laugh?

You've come a long way through a great deal of crap, and yes you're right, knowing others are "worse off" doesn't help at all, so forget that and just come back to you.  What little changes can you make to bring the "zombie" back to life again?  It doesn't have to be a 24-hour makeover.  Try some little things.

best
CB

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Online Community Manager

[Ponder]

Hi Sandy, I hear what you’re saying.  I’m not sure my story will help, other than tell you that I also struggle with various medicine and was quite skeptical about them.  That was until recently when a local psychiatrist tried me on something the GPs could not readily start me off on.  I’m please to say that the medicine now take helps to relieve my extreme anxiety.  (I did a lot of work on myself and pushed hard to be heard with the doctors) It took quite a few years and a few melt downs, but I am no longer the skeptic when it comes to medicine, as I once was.  If a medicine does not work for me, I let the doc know and or I will even take the appropriate steps myself to go off them. (Seek professional help when doing so)  … I am sorry to hear how difficult this process has been for you.  Hang in there and bring up your concerns regarding your medicine with the doctors that prescribe it to you.

Although I have “finally” found medicine that works for me I do not stop there.  I have to tell you, your TITLE to this thread got my attention; specifically the word “Worried.”  With worry comes a lot of “thinking”.  It may feel like you’re there in body, but not in mind, however I ask you to consider the possibility, how you might actually be trapped in your mind. 

You mention how you are trying the things that used to make you happy, however they are no longer working for you.  I know this well … it’s been a cry of mine for years and largely the finally reasoning that something “is” wrong with me.  Because of that, I had to open myself to other possibilities.

I gave up smoking cigarettes which was a huge step.  That was like 8 years ago.  Whilst it was hugely self empowering, I still found myself falling into deep ruts of depression with each following years having the bouts last much longer and deeper.   I joined online forums much like this one, however was lacking the insight that I have come to know now.  However, I did find an attraction to get back up every time my foot stumbled into my mouth.    I have been banned on quite a few forums; with story growing wearier at each turn.  None the less I began to find my determination (after each drawn out depressive stint) was having me understand my whole story in a new light.  In fact, the answer for me has been an attempt over the last few years, to let go of my story. 

Forgive me for being so long winded about this Sandy.  Unfortunately there is no quick fix to life’s lesson and in a way; I guess that is what I am really getting at here.  I fully encourage you to hang in there and ride with what you must.  It’s actually OK to be where you are at.  No it’s not a nice place to be … it’s downright miserable and it hurts.  In that context you have my deepest condolences and I want you to know I’m feeling your every word. 

I still struggle very much myself … This appeal I give to you is also helpful for me, although I reach out with utmost sincerity.  Worry is a terrible thing.  It ties us to the past and throw us into the future whilst robbing us of “our life” I am a proponent for the healing concepts of Mindfulness.  I have found much “relief” at my attempts to practice it.  I have also and still am learning about Raw Emotion and how it impacts our bodies … it’s trying to think by feeling the body’s response to triggers intended to elicit an emotional response, as opposed to simply reacting on auto pilot.  It requires a little effort to catch oneself in the process before allowing an otherwise learned behavior to keep controlling us.  … The mind using the past to throw us into the future and keep us from the present to which it does not want to face.

I’ll leave it at that.  I’m just some other guys struggling like everyone else.  I only started walking about two weeks ago or so.  I was encouraged by other members in here, and since then my photography has now become a tool like the walking and I have started a blog that helps me keep focused and moving forward.   

You or anyone else is most welcome to view it.  It is non-reply, however emails are well received.

Full credit to you, for sticking it out for so long with your family.  So many people cur and run these days.  You’re a fighter … Reminds me of a quote I just used actually … “You were given this life, because your tough enough to live it”  Takes a bit to warm up to, but once you make it back into the sun after being out of it for so long … you’ll get the picture.

So on that note Sandy … my warmest wishes to you in your time of need. 

I may be wrong & I may be wrong … but I do know, I want to share.
My Blog:

http://photographyformentalillness.blogspot.com.au/