I’m so horribly unattractive

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m so horribly unattractive.

my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

many thanks,

lots of love,

PF.

[PsychedelicFur]

I looooooove your picture too. It reminds me of a piece of Psychedelic art from the late sixties. Sort of reminds me of Peter Max’s artwork. Although darker colours are used a little more often in your profile picture.

i also forgot to mention of course I LOOOOOVE The Church, The PsychedelicFurs and I have even found that The HooDoo Gurus have a very psychedelia sound throughout their songs. Especially throughout their song titled ‘Miss Freelove 69’ VERY VEEEERY PSYCHEDELIC. Even The Bennies are somewhat psychedelic too!!

I read a quote somewhere online just before that said ‘If they didn’t want you to go they would not of let you go so easily. Remember the human heart chases what it wants.’

Mindblown!!**

[PsychedelicFur]

One of friends reminded me that he wasn’t a catch by the way he has treated me. He is one of these types of people who say ‘I will change, I will change!’
I gave me so many chances and then I realised that all of this time nothing had changed. He would still ignore for me hours on end if I started to overthink things between us. He would tell me he was sick of ‘my shit’ if I got anxious and started shaking... I mean, it is kind of hard not to get so anxious and start shaking when he walked away from me in the city because I was having an anxiety attack. He said he didn’t want to date ‘a child’

However if someone who truly loves you they would try and really understand what you need at that point in time instead of calling me a ‘child’ and saying he was sick of my nonsense. Eventually he helped me doing deep breaths but that is not the point. He got so angry with me that he was going to leave me stranded in the city.. and that is not right. Not one bit!

[PsychedelicFur]

It was meant to say ‘deep breathing‘ sorry for my incorrect wording.. got up super early haha!

[Sean_S]

Hey PsychedelicFur,

Great suggestions! I especially like Babe Rainbow- Zeitgeist. I can't stop playing it now.

I think your friend is right, and I also agree with that quote.

I've been in a situation several times with someone who responded similarly to my anxiety attacks. It's the worst. I was treated like a freak. People can be really cruel. You are right that in that situation in the city he, again, should have been more mature and supportive. Being let down in the precise moment when you need the person to bring their A game hurts, badly. I mean, how can you trust them? My ex would make everything 10 times worse at the exact wrong moment, the moment when the most damage could be done, like your ex walking away in the city. She became a trigger eventually.

So, is being with a guy like that what is best for you, your self-esteem, your anxiety?

Why does he care what you're wearing? Honestly. Just silly. You aren't his accessory. I'd say find people who appreciate your idiosyncrasies, style and personality. It's easy to get stuck on shitty people who will never appreciate us, or celebrate our virtues. You can waste a life-time on them. To keep hoping they'll approve. They never will though. You have to search for people who are suited to you. I wasted years in friendship groups that were toxic, only to discover that my ideal friends were just around the corner (metaphorically speaking). Just had to look. I think the same is true of partners, so you are definitely not "unlovable and nobody will ever want me due to me being so ‘childish’ and strange with my choices in clothing".

Based off what you've said he also has a proclivity for barbed and sharp speech, calling you 'a child' for example. He'll have to work on that or he will face problems throughout life. Not a charming quality.

I understand the fact that you miss him, I know the feeling. I don't have an answer to that, or how to deal with it. Wish I knew. It's just one of those things in life we have to deal with. The only thing that has worked mildly for me is focusing on trying to accept the situation and outcome for what it is. And not thinking about them, and focusing on my own life and personal growth.

The question is what are you going to do now? Which direction are you heading in? What are your goals and desires? A breakup is also a space where you can articulate some of your core values in life.

Sean

[PsychedelicFur]

To answer your question Sean, I am going to continue with my studies and make a really good life for myself, career wise. I am going to, as I always did, focus on my education and personal growth.

he will have troubles maintaining any long term relationship because he was even so critical and emotionally abusive towards his ex girlfriend. Who I am now friends with. It’s sad he was the same to her. He hasn’t changed. And he probably most likely won’t change.

If I were to contact him again it would absolutely destroy all of the progress I have made.
Why risk it?

[Guest_4643]

Hey, I'm sorry this happened to you. Your ex sounds like a shit person and that's on them, not you. I'm sure you look fine and you're attractive (in a friendly way).

Looks don't matter anyway or what size clothing you are. If you want to wear a bikini or something like that, go ahead, if you feel comfortable. I'm sorry they treated you like that. They have problems, not you.

[PsychedelicFur]

I know. I just hope one day I will be able to meet someone decent who is not like that.

aw well!!

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Psychedelic Fur..

You are so right, people like your ex do not change..it’s the person they are..and even if they change for a day or so...they can’t maintain the facade for too long until their true self emerges again....

I am proud of you not contacting him over the Easter period...That’s called self care...

Im sure one day, someone will cross your path and stop to walk with you and love the beautiful person and soul that you really are...

My kind thoughts with a hug beautiful lady..🦋🌹🤗.

Grandy..

[PsychedelicFur]

Thank you Lovely Grandy!!! 💕🌈🌞☮️

[Guest_4643]

I hope you can too PsychedelicFur. You don't deserve that, nobody does. I hope you can recover from your ex soon.