I’m so horribly unattractive

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m so horribly unattractive.

my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

many thanks,

lots of love,

PF.

[EfG2021]

You will be exactly what you want to be and whatever you tell your brain is true. You saw the video, you've noticed your face is round, you've compared yourself to your role models, you've seen the differences. That forms the set of inputs.

The judgement process: you take the above facts into consideration, you then mix these facts with your opinions and the mix is so very good that you nearly notice the difference between the image of your face and your opinion of your face. You are then inadvertently corrupting the fact: my face is so rounded...i am so ugly...so far the fact is a mathematical measure of your face, but you have decided to add your comparison baseline and you have concluded is ugly...well, that is the instruction you are passing into your brain.

Your brain will accept that instruction, not the measurements of how round your face is ...the instruction you have passed to your brain is: "I am ugly".

So, now you have your very clear instruction and something you deeply believe in. Because some other people have been helping you for a while to feed that concept. And maybe some people have told you the opposite, but you so deeply believe you are ugly that you just choose to listen to the people that confirms your instruction and, people that tell you the opposite is just dishonest or too flower power to feed your idea, so you respond to compliments with a smile in disbelief.

I am not a psychologist, I am a software developer, and the thing that the brain and the software have in common is exactly that - they both do what we tell them to do. So you tell your brain you are ugly and your brain reacts: your basic emotions are activated: sadness, fear, anger and disgust...chemicals are segregated and you feel you want to cry, you feel your heart is beating faster, your stomach is aching and you feel you really hate yourself...you are confused...

Basics: Inputs (your observations + opinions) +++ Process (Judge and Mix: form a conclusion your brain will accept) +++ Output (Instruction: I am ugly)...

You cannot change the input or the output...you only can change the process and alter the conclusion so you build it around what activates something in your brain that makes you feel as you want to feel.

You are not ugly...you have programmed your brain to feed all your assumptions and pay attention to only these things that will confirm your concept.

No easy answer, but if you change the source code, you may change the concept. It takes years, be patient