I’m so horribly unattractive

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m so horribly unattractive.

my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

many thanks,

lots of love,

PF.

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

I read your reflections on spinsterhood and guess it is not so much that as the desire to be in command of yourself and fulfill your interests and potential.

While I agree with Boudica that in our society very many women have to subordinate themselves to the needs of their partner it is not always the case. The matter is further complicated if there are children as by rights their needs should take precedence over those of either partner.

Having said all that there is something about not being alone in the world that does answer a basic need for many. True some rare souls prefer solitude, however for most there can be comfort, understanding -and fun - without relinquishing individuality, I like to think Mrs C and I have that sort of relationship, as I learned to do with the previos Mrs C (who passed away).

You may be right and live your life happily alone, however may I suggest you keep your mind open to other possibilities previous experience not withstanding?

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

Hey Croix,

I will keep my mind open as I think love is beautiful and I’m not a bitter old person. But at the moment I think it is important for me to focus on myself.

how are you anyway?

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

I did not think you were bitter, just not fortunate enough as yet to meet someone where love enhances, not restricts. This can be a hard concept to imagine until experienced.

You have ready proved you are strong enough to resist restrictive and abusive relationships, and concentrating on the things that you need and give you happiness and satisfaction is always most important.

If love happens it happens. And yes it is beautiful, (and all sorts of other emotions too:)

As usual I reflect that your thread title is completely wrong.

As for me (thanks for asking) I have various physical problems which have a marked effect on life but otherwise OK.

Croix

[geoff]

Hello PF, love is beautiful, but it can transform to any of us in many different ways, one person may find it in a different way to how another person finds it, but that may only be temporary because tomorrow it can easily change and may only surprise another person by your reactions, never the less love is a bond we all crave for in any manner it's offered to us.

We need to love ourselves before we can accept other people wanting to love us, otherwise, do we know the meaning of love and what it represents.

We need to realise that when we're in depression of any type, it's not easy to say 'I love you', simply because we don't love ourselves.

Take care.

Geoff.

[PsychedelicFur]

My body dysmorphic disorder is playing up like mad lately. 😞

🥴😕😪

[Guest_1643]

hey PF

i'm so sorry about that

Re spinsterhood there is a book on the topic by a woman who studies women who have lived alone..... its called ... Spinster by Kate Bolick

it was quite interesting. on the other side is Lori Gottlieb who advocates for settling down as a healthy option for women.... being a spinster has many different meanings, as does love.

Love i think can come in many forms and so can partnership. Most important is that you feel fulfilled, alone or with others, and i encourage u to address the BDD - i have it too, and it is very hard. so sorry you suffer with this.

[PsychedelicFur]

BDD sucks 😠

I really don’t like being so consumed with my Body Dysmorphic Disorder. . .

[Boudica]

Hello PF,

I could tell you that it is what is inside that matters, and your light shines bright on this forum, but hey, you know that already right!!

It is sad we now live in a world that teaches people to cast such a critical eye upon their body. How strange we are that we torture ourselves like this, is there any other species that does this? I often look at my cat lounging around on the rug looking supremely smug and comfy and pleased with herself, despite her flabby stomach and short tail, and it makes me think how ridiculous we are to ever think of these things. You are just as you should be. You will find someone who loves you the way you are, and anyone who doesn't doesn't belong in your life 🙂

[white knight]

Check out this new thread.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/ugly-what-is-beauty-#8ihCIKkQCk...

TonyWK

[PsychedelicFur]

Thank you for the thread link and the responses. Much appreciated. I am so sick of the flashbacks of what my mother would tell me about my looks and my ex boyfriend saying all those dreadful things about my looks..

I’m mentally exhausted because my BDD destroys me. Feeling stuck at the moment.