I'm over it

[efm2302]

I'm 30 years old and I'm over it all! I have been battling with anxiety and depression for a long time - depression probably most of my life (at least from the age of 12). Anxiety hit me badly 7 years ago, and it got worse over the past year. 1 year ago (almost to the day) my husband and I separated. My anxiety has been pretty horrible in the past year, coping with all the emotional stuff that goes hand in hand with separation, as well as a hyperactive 2 year old.

I'm sick of the anxiety. I'm sick of the fear I live in on a day to day basis. I'm sick of fearing being home alone and something seriously wrong happening to me. I'm sick of it.

Yes, I have a psychologist. Yes, I have a couple of really trusted friends who know me inside out. Yes, I have a safety plan in place. But I'm at the stage where I feel like I'm just a burden on people - in particular one friend of mine. I don't want to call him to tell him I'm struggling. I have another friend I can call, but I don't want to bother her with my stuff. She has enough going on. I also just don't want to be questioned.

I so much want to be around people, yet, I wish the world would suck me up so I could escape these feelings.

Sorry for my rant.

[Scott_Depression]

Hi EFM

Sounds like you are in a pretty tough situation - sorry that you're finding it all hard right now (and for quite a long time beforehand too)

I've only had a few bouts of anxiety myself, so I'm not an expert in the field.  What I would say, though is that all of this stuff essentially boil down to chemicals in our heads - some of us just don't produce the right chemicals at the right time (just like a diabetic cannot control their own insulin!).  What I'm trying to say is (and you may already know this) is that you need to try not to beat yourself up on this - it's not your fault.

Seems like you have most things worked out, except for getting the chemicals balanced!  I wonder if perhaps you should go back to your GP and get referred onto a Psychiatrist?  Psychologists are awesome, but don't think their expertise is in brain chemistry. 

I know you're struggling, but keep in mind you're making it through each day - something to be proud of in itself!

It's great you have some good support, but you shouldn't have to cope with such horrible symptoms - got to get the right medical advice to get the brain chemicals back into a reasonable balance

Take care

Scott

[Neil_1]

Hi EFM

There’s no dramas with you coming on here and ranting away … that’s what’s special about this place … people can come on and ask questions, ask for help, spiel out their stories or vent and rant away;  and it’s all good you know.  There’s no judging here … just advice, care and support … well as much as we can give anyway.

Scott has provided some good advice to you with his post and to possibly get some medications just to help you along through this current phase might be just what you need to help you out … even if it lifts you just a little;  that’d be better than the awful dark place that you’re currently in.

But yeah, to be taking all this on, on your own, I believe is too much to ask and I am glad that you’ve got other mechanisms in place as well … and to cope with all the stress relating to a relationship break-up and to care your hyperactive youngster is no wonder you’re feeling like you are.

I hope this post has helped in some small way and if you feel able to, it’d be great to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Scott_Depression]

Hi EFM

Just checking back on you & hoping it's not overwhelming you.

Take care & post if you can - will check back tomorrow

Kind regards

Scott

[Perkin]

Hi efm, I was reluctant to take medication because I thought it wouldn't solve anything and I'd  go back to how I was when I stopped taking it. What actually happened was that it stopped the rubbish thoughts that usually went round and round in my head and I could think clearly enough to start making myself better. Just thought I'd mention that incase you feel wary of medication like I was because you don't mention you take it but it sounds like you could do with something that will help take some of the load.

[Scott_Depression]

Hi EFM

Hope you're doing ok - will keep checking in to see if you're able to post

I know you probably feel pretty lonely right now.  Keep in mind this comes down to your brain running on overdrive.  Many of us on this forum have been through similar challenges and are able to relate to the dark places you're in right now.

Please post if you can - it's tough be can really help

Kind regards

Scott