I'm obsessed with my personal belongings

[x_BLUE_MOON_x]

Hi, I have this problem where I am obsessed with my personal belongings in my bedroom. To the point where I have been in a psychiatric ward 2 times.
I’ve been struggling with this for 3 years, and I don't know what to do. I don't know, if it is OCD, ADHD, anxiety or something else? As I have been diagnosed twice with ADHD, once when I was a kid and again the last few years. I'm very sensitive, I have very low self esteem, social anxiety, and Specific language impairment. I also have no friends, and no life really. Which I'm trying to change that, but it's hard.
Also I have been having obsessive thoughts for about 13 years, where i overthink everything, even silly things. And I kind of have these obsessive routines where I have to do certain things a certain way every time, even if I don't want to do it.
I find mostly now days, the obsessive routines are a lot less, but I still have a lot of obsessive thoughts. But the thing that mostly bothers me is me being obsessed with my personal belongings in my bedroom, like my tv, video games, action figurines, comics, computer and so on... I even have thoughts and I worry if my personal belongings has germs, covid 19 , or mold on it. Or I obsess that I have cleaned it too many times, or that it feels dirty. I know it's sounds crazy. I tell myself all the time, that those thoughts are stupid and silly.
Say example the kitchen could be dirty, or I could get sick by touching a door knob, none of those things bother me. It's only my personal belongings that worries me which is odd.
I have been to Psychologists and I have told them this. And they gave me all this feedback, which didn't help.

I hope all of this made sense.

Any opinions and thoughts would help, thanks.

[Here2Talk]

Hi Blue Moon,

Its very curious that it’s your personal belongings, but not your kitchen. It’s also interesting that you find it distressing when your things are too clean... what do you find distressing about your things being too clean?

[Petal22]

Hello x_BLUE_MOON_x’s,

Welcome to our forums... 😊

Sorry you are feeling this way.... please know you are not alone....

I once had severe anxiety OCD..... when I first had symptoms of this I saw my gp I was put on antidepressants for my anxiety..... I also did a mental health plan with my gp that gave me 10 free sessions with a phycologist.... I saw a clinical psychologist who gave me many strategies for my anxiety .... I saw a psychiatrist aswell who diagnosed me with OCD.... obsessive compulsive disorder...... anxiety disorder..... after seeing a psychiatrist this then led me to a OCD clinic that specialised in OCD.... this is we’re I learned to master my OCD.... I have been free of it for many years....

Have you thought about seeing your gp? You could do a mental health plan....

even see if you can get a referral to a clinical phycologist or a psychiatrist for a diagnosis.......

If you are seeing a psychologist ensure they are clinical a normal psychologist can’t diagnose...

for me OCD felt like an internal hell.... I had many intrusive thoughts... I was stuck in an OCD cycle.....

I have learned how to break free of its grips....

hang in there ...... please seek help from our professionals....

im here if you want to chat or have questions 😊

[x_BLUE_MOON_x]

Hi Here2Talk,

Thank you for the reply.
I don't find my things clean, because every time I clean them, I still think it's dirty. I find it distressing because, I'm worried other people might find out that I've cleaned my personal belongings too many times , and think I'm weird. And also because I worry that my personal belongings are not perfect because I've cleaned them too many times.

[x_BLUE_MOON_x]

Hi Petal22,

Thank you for the reply. Sorry you went though that.

I have been to my GP, and that didn't help.I'm on antidepressants, which helped but not enough. I have a mental health plan, I've seen 2 psychiatrists which didn't help. Sorry I forgot to mention in my post that my psychologist did diagnose me with some type of ocd but not the classic/standard ocd, but i don't think he was 100% sure with that diagnosis.

[Petal22]

Oh sort to hear all of that Blue Moon....

Maybe see a different psychiatrist...... keep seeing someone until you find the right professional.......

have you tried any type of therapy?

OCD is a vicious cycle...... you can learn to break free of it..

[Here2Talk]

Sounds like OCD blue moon. Is that basically what the psychiatrists thought too? Your psychologist thought some type of OCD?

The above comments are quite true - best to see a clinical psychologist for this one. If you didn’t have luck with the last- find another. There is no shame in shopping around - whatever person is going to be the best fit for you is what is needed.

Might not be too critical the exact subtype of disorder; the problem is you’ve got two things: obsessions (the thoughts and feelings) and the behaviours (compulsions). You mentioned that the routines have been not as bad lately as they were, but it seems you still have compulsions (you mention routines that you have to do in a certain way “even when you don’t want to”. That is part of the obsession and compulsion working together.

A lot of this is not exactly happening at the front of awareness. You said anxiety or OCD, well OCD is a form of anxiety. So you have anxiety, and the specific type of anxiety is obsessive and compulsive. The obsessions are the thoughts (my figurines etc. are dirty), which creates the anxiety. This tension is then created which is relieved by a behaviour - a compulsion (e.g. cleaning your figurines, tv, video games). It’s a difficult sort of loop in which each time one does a compulsion, this reinforces the relief from the anxiety, which makes it more automatic next time, and so on over and over..

Does any of this seem useful?

[Petal22]

Hi again Blue Moon,

OCD is a cycle.....a cycle you can learn to break free of.... with the correct help....

I highly recommend you see a clinical phycologist or a psychiatrist for a diagnosis......

once you have this diagnosis, if it is OCD then ask your clinical psychologist or psychiatrist to refer you to a clinic that specialises in OCD....

I did a group therapy.... i found it nice to be in a group with other people who had this condition.... ( there are many many other people who have the same condition).....

we were taught many strategies in our group therapy.... this was an intervention into the OCD...

Have you tried meditation? We did a specific one for OCD in our therapy... I believe it got me over the line.....

I became the awareness ( the observer) of my thoughts......

I learned I am not my thoughts but the watcher of my thoughts ....

if I can overcome mental illness there is HOPE you can aswell....

hang in there......

please seek help from our professionals 😊

[Here2Talk]

Good to hear you overcame your problem Petal. If it’s not rude to ask, how fully would you say you recovered? I have had GAD many years and that is sort of like OCD but without compulsions (the thought patterns are the thing you keep engaging in to try to escape the anxiety, rather than performing compulsive behaviours ), and the obsessions latch on to anything (hence the generalised) that could be perceived as a problem in any way. I ask how fully your recovery has been, because it always feels for my unique circumstances if I could just get absolutely everything in my life in order that happiness and bliss would be on the other side (rationally I don’t believe this, it’s just more a “feeling”)

Blue moon I’m so sorry to be hijacking your thread, I’ll stop straight after!!

[Petal22]

Hi Here2talk, 🙂

I feel I have recovered fully.......

OCD use to have me trapped in a cycle..... my anxiety was severe due to the cycle I was trapped in.... it was never ending and scary.... it was like living in an internal hell..... I would never wish it upon anyone!

fast forward from my OCD therapy I learned to break free of the vicious cycle of OCD so I no longer feel like the above, I no longer live inside my head like I use to ...... I freely allow all thoughts to come and go freely.... ( I use to zone in on a thought and totally obsess over it..... looking for re assurance)...... i have learned intrusive thoughts will still occur because they are completely normal...

OCD has no hold over me anymore...because I have learned to disengage from it and not go any further into my cycle from the initial thought..... everything just keeps flowing because I don’t draw attention to my thoughts now...

my advice would be not to engage with any thoughts...... keep re directing your attention to something in the present moment..... it takes practice but it CAN be done...

does this help you at all?