I have a compulsive liar disorder I think...

[Fearce]

I am a Year 11 student, and I think I am constantly lying without even realising that i am lying. I have created huge lies throughout my years and I thought from lying, I could gain attention and sympathy. I was right, however, it only made things worse, mentally and physically. I am trying my best to keep this thread clean from lies and I am going to be honest for once in my life. I have used lies to avoid situations a lot. Sometimes people catch on and realise I'm lying. I have never come out to talk about this because I thought that I did not have a compulsive lying disorder. I have done my research and came to a conclusion that I am a compulsive liar.

Last year, I had a friend who I was very close with. He started to change... It was like he was a totally different person. I created lies to make him give me sympathy and guilt from him becoming a different person. I told him that I got raped. I told him I attempted suicide 2 times. I told him I got a girl pregnant and she killed herself. I think you get the idea. He caught onto me pretty quickly and bullied me for it. Even till today. I once told a story of when i managed to run away from a gang of guys holding handguns. Everyone laughed straight away and called me out on it. I stood there crying inside and in disbelief of what came out of my mouth. This is when things became really bad. I actually believed I attempted suicide twice. Things are really stressful and messed up because i only have 1 main friend in my life and even now he is starting to drift away from me. I am scared of becoming alone and I need help.

[Here_I_am]

Hi Fearce,

Welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a place where you can be as open and honest as possible, and no judgement or belittling will occur - only support and understanding.

Well done on recognising this pattern of behaviour early enough in life to address it! I want to encourage you toward following through on putting in the work required to get to the bottom of what is happening for you and getting to a space where you feel okay with the truth and who you are so you can be fully present in your own life and not feel compelled to create realities. The first step is acknowledging the behaviour, and you've done that; again, well done!

Do you have access to a school counsellor or another mental health professional? Talking through things such as our motivation for lying and learning to recognise when lying feels like the right thing to do can be really helpful in picking up on the pattern, and then making a choice as to whether we will be truthful, tell a story, or remain silent in any given situation. Talking therapy is definitely not an environment where we go into a session and tell the therapist every embarrassing lie or story we've made up; it's a progressive, forward thinking and focused strategy that can assist us to understand ourselves and other people better - we can arrive at an awareness of why we make up stories, and begin the work on healing that aspect of our mental or emotional life. Is approaching a school counselor something you feel you could do; or if not a school counselor, another mental health professional? Most places in Australia have youth services such as HeadSpace or Youth Shack or a million other names they go by where counselors and psychologists work for the sole purpose of helping youth deal with their problems with living. They're usually free too. Do you think you could approach something like this to start the conversation and get this right for yourself?

Hope to hear back from you soon... and that's the truth! 😉

[Fearce]

I think if I just tell the truth to my family and friend first, it will make things easier because it would help lift all those bricks which I was buried under. I have already been with Head Space and they could not help because I was not corp-orating with them. It makes me uncomfortable to talk about personal issues with strangers.

[quirkywords]

Fearce,

Some people who lie have no insight into why they lie but you are aware of what you and how it is affecting you.

Telling your family and friend first is a start but it seems your friend knows you lied but possibly he does not why.

I often used to lie at school especially to new students as I did not like myself and wanted to create a new me who was sporty and popular. I never had a boy friend at high school so I made them up. Once I was at the cinema with my mum and dad and was ashamed to see my friends there with their boyfriends so I hid in the toilet for all of interval.

I found I need a plan so I didn't go back into autopilot of lying when I felt nervous or I wanted to make people like me.

Here I am has given you helpful ideas.

Let us know how you go, you are not alone and we are here to help.

Quirky

[Here_I_am]

Hi Fearce,

If you're up to it, definitely setting the record straight with family and friends is a great starting point. I think you'll find it will lift a weight off, even if it does bring some discomfort, embarrassment, and possibly even rejection.

In regard to Head Space and similar services, I fully get where you're coming from - opening up and talking to strangers about personal stuff is hard for anyone. I would suggest that the goal is to get to know the people you're talking to a little first before you jump right in and open up about the real personal stuff. Keep in mind too that these people are at the least 'trained strangers'; they're mental health professionals bound by codes of ethics. Furthermore, there training gives them a skill-set to get to the heart of the matter. It's different to talking to a complete stranger that has no interest in helping you.