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I feel ugly all the time and I compare myself to every single person I see

Community Member

Hi i'm a 21 year old female and I don't think I am loveable by anyone? i've never had a proper boyfriend and have always had on and off things with men but I feel like I am not attractive to anyone, especially men I find attractive. I always say in my head as soon as I see a man that I find attractive they probably think I am a disgusting slob and could never imagine themselves with a girl like me. Every single person I either pass on the street or see, I start pin pointing every thing I see on them that I don't have. "perfect hair, the ideal figure, a nice fashion sense" the qualities I believe I lack are the ones I see in everyone that passes me. I wish I had that I wish I looked like that I wish I wish, I walk pass a stranger and notice these things so why can I never see them in myself. I know this sounds ridiculous and I understand there are worse things in the world that are going on but thought id see if anyone can help or might even relate to these thoughts and feelings.

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

hello and welcome.


I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way about yourself. It takes a lot of courage to open up and share your thoughts and feelings - many people can relate to experiencing self-doubt and struggles with self-esteem.


It can be challenging when we compare ourselves to others and focus on our perceived flaws while admiring qualities in others. And self-critical thoughts can be powerful, but they often don't reflect reality.

Beauty and attractiveness are subjective, and each person has their own unique preferences.


I like the ideas in kintsugi ... the Japanese art of repairing a broken object. Here, imperfection is embraced. I would think other people were perfect like a clean china plate. Myself I was the broken plate smashed on the floor. Talking about with my psychologist, I discovered that plate once repaired was (i) unique, (ii) more precious, (iii) and stronger than it was before.


You deserve love and happiness, just like anyone else. If that means professional help, that is OK. But if I also said that you look good just as you are, how would that feel?

Community Member

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but please remember that these negative thoughts about yourself are not accurate reflections of your worth or desirability. It's common for people to compare themselves to others and focus on their perceived flaws, but it's important to recognize that everyone has their own unique qualities and beauty.