I feel like my obsession is ruining my life

[Horrendous_Hexapod]

Hello, this is my first post here.

I know that I’m not officially diagnosed with any specific anxiety disorders, but dealing with a lot I've been under of stress lately from my obsessive thoughts.

It started around seven years ago when I started worrying about sinning going to hell. For every little mistake I made I would often make a little prayer to God in my mind to ask for forgiveness for the things that I did, regardless of how minor they were. It quickly got to the point where I would even apologise for thinking things that I didn’t even mean (such as hating God, my family, etc) and ever since then not a day has gone by where I haven’t had these thoughts.

I wish it stopped there, but that isn’t the only obsession I developed, as five years ago I began obsessing over certain conspiracy theories. Most people would likely just ignore this stuff, but I just couldn’t let myself do that. Instead, I spent so many hours of my life looking as deeply into these theories as I could just so I wouldn’t be closed minded to any potentially mind blowing evidence that would shatter my preconceived notions.

This has led to my latest obsession which has taken hold over the past two years, and especially so over the past few months. I’ve made myself go down numerous rabbit holes regarding “human nature” which have led to me discovering some pretty terrible claims made about women, people of colour, LGBT people, and so on. Sometimes people would put forward scientific articles that supported claims such as “women only loving men for their looks/money,” or “people of different ethnicities having lower or higher iqs.” I also managed to find scientific articles which provided evidence against these claims, but I would then make myself check to see if anyone had responded to these articles (sometimes they did and sometimes they didn’t).

I understand that it is important to be open minded to other evidence, but this has just been exhausting. It’s even bled into my personal life as well. I’ll sometimes just be doing something I enjoy when suddenly a little thought enters my head relating to a specific group of person. Sometimes I fight against it and it goes away, but usually I cave into this urge, look up a specific topic, and try to address it the best I can, which doesn't always make me feel better.

I don't know what to do at this point. I just want all of these thoughts to go away, but nothing I do works. Is there any way I can get rid of my obsessions?

[geoff]

Hello Horrendous_Hexapod, I'm pleased you have posted, especially about this topic, as I'm a sufferer of OCD and have/had plenty of obsessions/compulsions during my life, including intrusive thoughts.

As a young kid 5 or 6 years old, I'd pray each time a grandparent, uncle or auntie passed away so that no one else would, but my prays became unanswered and since then don't believe in having any religion, but accept those who do, that's their choice.

I'm now aged 67 and intrusive thoughts didn't stop, but for a long time now I know that whatever I think of never ever comes to fruition.

Claims made by people are their thoughts, you can either agree or disagree with different variations, but that doesn't make sure they are correct or will come true, it's just what they believe in, however, your circumstances may be completely different.

If you type in 'intrusive thoughts' in the search bar above or google it then many comments will be discussed, just realise it's only a thought and won't come true, once you look back and finally accept this then they won't worry you anymore.

Seeing a psychologist can help you with these thoughts and your doctor can put you on a 'mental health plan' which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions to visit a psych.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Petal22]

Hi Horrendous Hexapod,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im glad that you have reached out to us .

I understand obsessions, I have a lived experience of OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it’s a anxiety disorder.

This condition was absolutely exhausting, I had a lot of distressing thoughts that terrified me….. I was stuck in a vicious OCD cycle it was unrelenting at times. A lot of my compulsions were mental…….and I’d also constantly seek reassurance.

I seeked professional help for what I was going through I started at my gp through to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me and I did an 8 week therapy this therapy was an intervention into the OCD, this therapy changed my life it taught me how to break free of OCD s grips.

Im not a doctor and I can’t diagnose but I strongly encourage you to seek professional help for what you are currently going through I say this because I know that life can be much more easier for you if you get the help you need to move forward.

Start at your gp ( like Geoff has mentioned) …… do your mental health plan and then see if you can be referred to a clinical psychologist I say a clinical psychologist because they can diagnose a normal psychologist can’t… you could even see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis if you want to.

Ive written two threads you may be interested in reading

From someone who suffered OCD and recovered.

and

Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive Therapy

Please ask me any questions