I feel like I am drowning

[HockeyGal]

Hi everyone, I am a first time visitor to these forums and have been inspired by all of your tales of strength in the annoying/ uncompromising face of anxiety. I would like to share my story, even if it is just for my benefit to string out the words so it makes a little sense to me. I was a small child when my mother realized I wasn't like my identical twin sister I was always a highly strung, crybaby of a little girl but things really seemed amiss when I began having frequent night terrors after my 6th birthday. I would get up and out of bed, screaming and walk upstairs to my parents, who would then calm me down and put me back to sleep. These occurred for about a year. The doctor said that I was internalizing my worries and I have to say that I continue to do this in my adult self having vivid dreams occur at times of high anxiety. My symptoms subsided for a few years then popped up mid high school where anxiety reared its ugly head again and I developed panic attacks. I was scared of everything from loud classmates, to teachers calling me for a question. I spent a lot of time in the girl's bathroom either wagging or thinking about how I could go back to class strong. I am currently mid way through University and my symptoms have been worsening this past year as I moved out of home, had an abusive roommate and had to work more to fully support myself while studying. I miss my family but I am glad that I am no longer a burden to them. I just wish that it would take me less time to get ready in the morning double and triple checking outfits and makeup, I wish that I could look people in the eye and not look at the ground when I walk. I wish that I didn't worry about big picture things such as if my career path is going to turn out for retirement. I have received therapy but I feel like I'm being crushed under my anxiety with no way to fix it. Thank you for reading I know its not particularly inspiring.

[HA1]

Hi HockeyGal

Welcome to BB and thank you for reaching out to tell us your story.  Contrary to what you think, I believe your story is truly inspiring!  Despite what you have been going through since a young child, you have nonetheless overcome these 'challenges' and find yourself halfway through university!  What part of that is not inspiring 🙂

I don't think I need to tell you that you share your feelings of anxiety with many on here; and your story will sound familiar to many of us.  I do not know your family circumstances, but I doubt if you are a burden to them.  Feeling as if one is a burden to family or friends is typical of those who suffer from mental illnesses.  But if you ask, you will find that that is not the case. Worrying about career path and the like is common among most young people (I have first hand experience!).

Also, if you feel comfortable doing so, can you tell me what type of medical treatment and therapy you have been receiving for your anxiety.

Take care and please post back a reply - we would love to hear more from you.

K

[HockeyGal]

Hi Hideaway thank you for your reply its always lovely to hear from those with similar experiences. I was doing CBT for a while tll mid way through this year. I'm feeling a little better today (something about the sun being out) 

[AGrace]

Hi HockeyGal,

Welcome to the forums. As Hideaway has mentioned, you are far from alone in your symptoms. There are, as you have probably discovered, many here who share similar experiences.

I know you have mentioned that you were doing CBT for a while but have since stopped. My dealings with anxiety have taught me that treatment isn't a short term solution, and that recovery is about making life long changes. I've also found that it's best to tackle any form of mental illness from multiple angles. Have you ever considered medication for your anxiety? There are a number of medications that can be of huge assistance that in the long term have very few side effects.

I also wondered whether in your therapy you discussed any other Psychological approaches to managing anxiety. There are a number of effective strategies you can try in addition to CBT. The thing with these strategies is that they are designed as life skills rather than over night solutions. They are skills that others use on a daily basis quite naturally, but that due to certain circumstances we perhaps missed out on learning, or have to work a little harder at achieving. Narrative Therapy, Mindfulness, Progressive muscle relaxation, Emotion Based Cognitive Therapy come to mind as very useful tools to assist with anxiety. Could it be worthwhile for you to check back in with your Psychologist and perhaps discuss some other treatment options?

In the interim there's also some suggestions for what you can try for yourself in a thread here called SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY under the anxiety section of the forums. You might like to take a look at some of the suggestions the community here has offered and perhaps start exploring some of them a little more to see if there is some that work more effectively for you.

I hope that this is helpful, I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

AGrace