I'd appreciate any feedback :-)

tatey81 · ‎11-06-2017

Hi all,

This is my first time posting on this (or any) site.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the start of 2007, just 2 years after my father had passed away. At the end of 2006 I received a large promotion at work, and purchased my first house. These were both incredibly exciting times in my life; however unknowingly they triggered off my anxiety and depression.

At first, I was off work for nearly 3 months, house ridden, in and out of doctors and hospitals trying to figure out what was wrong with me, before finally my GP diagnosing me with anxiety and depression.

Over the years it has come and gone, and most times with ongoing medication, both natural and prescription, I've been able to keep it under reasonable control.

However since breaking up with my partner (I'm gay) of 5 years 3 years ago now, my anxiety and depression has returned.

Feelings of loneliness, of not being good enough, not being accepted for who I am because of physical appearance (I'm not Zac Effron's twin but I'd like to think I'm not that ugly), feelings of not being in control of my thought processes, etc, have started to have a large effect on my quality of life.

Especially when I start to get close to someone - I start to over-react and read into each text message too much as to the meaning behind it, I tell myself I'm not good enough for the other person - "why would they want to be with me", which results in my behaviour changing towards them, getting very anxious each time I meet them. Each time I have told the person I suffer from anxiety, they conveniently come up with a reason why they don't want to date me any more, which leads to me feeling incredibly worthless.

I also get very anxious about events that I should be excited about - travelling, going to a show, social outings, etc. Its like my body/brain gets the feelings confused.

Lately I find myself not being able to control my thoughts, turning all thoughts into negative ones, which only encourages the anxiety and self doubt.

Most of the time, I just take prescription medication and 'just push thru' the physical symptoms, as bad as I do feel.

A little about me - I'm mid 30's, business manager, single male, exercise 3-4 times a week (walking & bike riding), enjoy the outdoors, sports, music, theatre, travel, property, etc.

I could go on and on, but I'm sure I've said enough so far haha!!

I'd love to hear your thoughts, and suggestions on methods to resolve some of these issues. Thanks.

MarkJT · ‎13-06-2017

tatey, welcome to the forums mate and a great first up post. Well done.

"Not Zac Efrons twin" that made me laugh - there are not to many people in the world that are, so you are normal there.

What you have posted resonates with me greatly. The negative self talk is something that i have fought with for a long time and are really only just getting on top of it in most areas.

Anxiety is that god awful washing machine effect where once the spin starts, it is really difficult to stop it so what I have been doing is:

Stop what i am doing
Close my eyes and tell myself that i am okay and safe - a grounding exercise
I then think of some of the major things i have achieved in life - work, travel, parenting etc
I then tell myself that not everyone can achieve what i have and that i am worth it
I then take myself back to watching the Seattle Seahawks (American football) in Seattle. That is my happy place. That was a dream to do and i did it so this is my ultimate grounding thought.

When all of these are combined, I feel myself not doubting much anymore and realise that i am worth it, i am loved and I am valuable.

The next time you are getting close to a potential partner, take timeout to remind yourself that you are a good person, your worth it and the other person would be lucky to be with you. You will have a little battle going on inside your head, the good old good vs evil, but remember, the good guys always win and so will you.

Have you ever practiced mindfulness? If not, download the "Smiling Mind" app and start doing it. It will help you ground yourself and give you skills to combat the negative talk.

You are doing everything right to give yourself the best chance, exercising, getting outdoors, travel etc you just need to top that off.

Are you being currently treated or relying on your original diagnoses? If not, might be a good time to go check in with a clinician and just have a chat. Nothing to lose by doing that.

Feel free to post back and ask any questions to expand on others. Only to happy to assist where i can.

Mark.

Lonelydan · ‎13-06-2017

Hi Tatey81, I'm a gay male also so I understand what you're thinking. I'm glad your GP after all that has given you a diagnosis the mental health system needs desperate help. I don't think you'll find many gay people who don't have some sort of depression, anxiety it's impossible not to we live in a world that has told us from day one that we are wrong. All this we internalise, religious beliefs our own under developed relationship skills nothing is taught. I've never fitted in with the gay scene I don't like people who are affected someone's who's there own person has always been attractive to me I've never been hypersexual so that always cast me out. Maybe you should think about stopping dating for awhile if it causes you the feel panicked it does me but for a lot of other reasons. You have been been through so much in the past 10 years but also have accomplished a lot to, with your career and buying your home. I can honestly say owning my home has been more satisfying than any of my former relationships. Danny...

tatey81 · ‎15-06-2017

Hi Mark and Dan,

Thanks for both of your responses, it's much appreciated.

Yes the good vs evil battle does happen quite often, which leads to indecisiveness which I really don't like! Sometimes the evil (negative) thoughts win the battle, and I just can't seem to stop them. This certainly doesn't help with the physical traits of anxiety either - lack of energy, headaches, rushing heart beat, feeling nauseous, body aches and pains, etc etc.

I certainly do try to think of all the positives in my life, which at times does help. Practicing breathing techniques I find to be a very short term quick fix too. I will try the Smiling Mind app.

Dan - it's incredibly sad just how many gay people suffer from depression and/or anxiety. The feelings that you must comply to certain labels, or groups, to how you physically look can at times be too much to deal with.

How you physically look is a HUGE issue amongst the gay community. If you don't have nice hair, good looks and a fit/toned physique, others just aren't interested......even though you might have THE BEST personality! This doesn't help the anxiety either haha!!

But at the end of the day, somehow I just need to accept that I'm me, and to be happy with that.

Again, I really appreciate your responses guys 🙂

MarkJT · ‎15-06-2017

Tatey, being a straight male, I clearly cannot comment on what it is like within the LGBTI community, but i want you (and Dan) to know that you have my full support. Having both gay and lesbian mates, I have spoken to them heaps about the hills you have to climb and it disgusts me that you are still being treated differently by some people.

The good vs evil battle, yes it goes on and yes it will go on for ages but never ever forget that if you have a day where evil gets on top, so be it. Be kind to yourself that day and then when the sun comes up, bat up again and take it on again.

Over time, you will learn your triggers, learn your feelings, learn your body in different ways to what you know about it now and you will know when you need to ground yourself, know when to tactically retreat to safety and learn to live with these conditions.

Stay strong mate, you are doing a brilliant job.

Mark.