I can't sleep

[Shrinkingviolet]

I am stressed. I am panicked. And I am angry at myself for being like this. 

I feel so stupid right now. I am laying in bed worrying about having to go out to dinner with friends tomorrow night. I am going over all of the things in my head that might go wrong tomorrow. Like;

What if I turn up and I'm too dressy? 

What if I turn up and I'm not dressy enough? 

Should I ask everyone what they are wearing? I don't want them to know that my outfit choice is worrying me. 

What if I bump in to someone that I haven't seen in a while and they ask me what I have been doing with myself? Do I tell them honestly and say that I have just been battling through every day to stop the darkness of depression swallow me up whole? Or do I spare them the awkwardness and lie?

What if I bump in to people I haven't seen in a while and I have to see the shock on their faces when they see how much weight I have gained? 

What if my friends try to take photos with me for their social media accounts? 

What if I disappoint my friends and I am boring and flat and they just want to get away from me?

I am so mentally and physically exhausted but I can't stop myself from spiralling. How do I get these thoughts out of my head and allow myself to relax and sleep? 

[optimistic]

Dear beautiful violet ( NOT shrinking violet)

The simple answer, my dear, to all your questions -

"SO WHAT?? " 

"NO BIG DEAL"

Your post is a classic example of "First World Problems". "The worries of the Priviliged".

I don't mean to trivialise your problem but am merely trying to provide you a different perspective, in the hope that it will make you feel better.

Have you read Dale Carnagie's book - "How to stop worrying and start living?" . Please check it out.

I'd urge you to take a paper and jot down the answer to each of your question  by asking yourself - what is the worst thing that can happen if .......?

Be yourself. Don't try to be what your friends want you to be.

When you feel comfortable within your own skin, others will respect you for it. Even if they don't, who cares? Who needs such friends?

Focus on yourself. Do you like your dress? That's all that matters.

Life will go on even if your friends find your dress not to their style, find you boring etc.

Can I let you in on a secret? Even as you lay tossing around on your bed with such insecure thoughts, so are most of your so called friends too - the levels of worrying may be more or less but these thoughts have crossed their minds too.

If you did an anonymous survey on who is feeling very happy and content with themselves, the answer will be "none".

If success, money, looks etc made people happy and content , I wonder why did Princess Diana or Ian Thorpe or Elvis Presley or Michael Jackson and several of the pop stars or movie stars - suffer from mental health issues?

Happiness is a state of the mind.

Here is a little trick for you to calm your mind now.

Focus on your breathing. Slow the breathing down. Take it deep and easy. Count to 20 to inhale 1 breath and count to 30 to exhale it out. If you find that harder to do, put your palm on your tummy as you lie on your bed and focus on the tummy balloon out as you inhale air and fill your lungs to the brim and see it flatten as you slowly exhale it out. Keep doing this a couple of hundred times or till you have fallen asleep.

Pray that you sleep like a baby tonight. Good night. Sweet dreams.

Take care and God bless.

[Shrinkingviolet]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply Optimistic. 

What a strange thing anxiety is, isn't it? Because as you say, what's the big deal?  My rational mind would know that it's nothing at all.  It's not as though the sight of me would cause a stampede as people rush to get away from me. 

Despite how I may sound I'm not superficial at all. But I guess my fear is that we live in such a superficial society. I am plagued by self doubt after listening to some of the horrendous comments people make about their peers, comments that would never cross my mind. 

I try to ration with myself. I tell myself that I don't  need to impress anyone. My friends love me and they beg me to come out because they enjoy my company. They are always envious of my wardrobe and comment on how great I look because they are sweet and kind and they care for me.  But then that other voice tells me that they just say that to  be nice and not because it's the truth., because  in actual fact I am hideous.  I  am stupid and dull and a low achiever. 

I just wish I knew how to be comfortable in my own skin.  I have never experienced what it feels like to be confident. Ever. 

I will definitely check out that book you mentioned. 

I'm going to give the relaxation techniques a shot too. 

Thank you again. 

I'm glad you could lend me your ear on my first attempt to reach out for help here.  I really appreciate it more than I can express. 

[ThousandMiles]

I agree quite a bit with Optimistic, though I also understand how frustrating it is to realise that something is irrational, but then to continue worrying about it. Story of m life >_<
I think it just takes practice; the more you recognise that your feelings and thoughts are irrational (but still valid, it doesn't make you weak or a bad person to have them. It's just a natural reaction, but one that's in overdrive...), the better you get at being able to accept and dismiss them 🙂

If this is a regular problem for you, then something that's really helped me with my sleeping problems is improving my "sleep hygiene". It's not really about being clean, it's about how to get a more restful sleep, so you can get to sleep faster and stay that way 🙂
Here are some tips:

• Don't drink caffeinated drinks after about 4pm. This means the energising effects will be out of your system when you need to sleep.
• Try not to use the computer or TV, or be around bright lights, for about 30 minutes before you go to bed. A great way to manage that is to have a bedtime routine to relax yourself that lasts about 30 minutes.
• As part of that routine, try and get to bed at a reasonably regular time each night. Between 9:00 and 10:30 is probably good, if you can.
• Take a shower or bath before you go to bed, maybe put some moisturiser on and use relaxing-scented products. This will make you feel clean and comfortable. 
• Try listening to relaxation music, reading a self-help book or doing something to wind down.
• Gentle stretches or yoga are also good.. as is herbal tea, but make sure it's not an energising one like peppermint or green tea. Try chamomile. If you don't like tea, try warm milk, or hot cocoa. 
• Have a glass of water by your bedside to stay hydrated, but only take small sips if you need to, so you don't get up in the night to use the bathroom. 
• Try and make the room a bit cold/cool, so you can snuggle up under the blankets and feel cosy. It's also good to make it as dark as possible - wear an eyemask if you're scared of the dark, or if you can't make it dark.

Even if you're stressed, doing these things should help you feel really relaxed and sleepy, and will hopefully improve the quality of your sleep, and your ability to sleep. 
Also, NEVER feel guilty about getting a good night's sleep - you might feel you should be doing things, or thinking about things, and that sleeping is a waste of time for you. But that's not true. You deserve to be well-rested 🙂 x

[optimistic]

Wonderful list, ThousandMiles. It is a keeper, for sure. Thank you.

[Trish_M]

Hi optimistic,

Thank you for your lovely response to shrinkingviolet. I loved it and felt that you were speaking directly to me too. You cared, we all care about each other, we all have felt anxiety, despair, depression but we are a resilient bunch aren't we? It's the simple things like our breathing, it's remembering that we aren't alone. Bless you.

Trish M.

[Trish_M]

Ditto ThousandMiles, great ideas, loved them all.

Trish M.