Does anyone else wonder about dying?

Charlie27 · ‎28-10-2015

Hi

does anyone else worry bout dying I can't seem to shake the feeling of being lost wondering if today is my last day I worry bout wat will happen to family and pets if I'm no longer here I'm scared about dying I'm scared about everything

I've recently had people die unexpectedly one heart attack while driving another through diabetes and a close friend to cancer

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White_Rose · ‎28-10-2015

Hello Charlie

Welcome to Beyond Blue. It's very normal to be concerned about your own death, especially when friends die unexpectedly. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your friends.

May I ask how old you are? Are the friends who have passed on about the same age as you? Unexpected deaths can shake us. The son of friends of mine was killed in an accident at age 23, while another friend died from cancer aged 58. It really brings home to us our own mortality. And this can be scary as death is a topic we rarely think about or discuss.

In some ways we are more fortunate than our ancestors where death was so much more frequent, or at least appeared to be so. Lifespan was generally shorter than today so I suppose our grandparents and other relatives became more accustomed to death. My grandparents were both in their sixties when they dies. Not old at all by today's standards.

So why do you think you are afraid of death? I went through a period of being afraid. I think it was the thought that I would no longer exist here in my current state and I had no idea what would happen after death. I did wonder what my family would do but I think I was a little affronted that they would continue and I would not be there. Sounds a bit selfish I suppose.

For many people the realisation that they will have a changed existence is worrying and others believe they will just cease to exist and as they will not know about it there's nothing to be scared of. For me it was a relatively short period of worry as my faith tells me what will happen. Even so I feel I will be a little disappointed when the time comes. I can't say I spend any time worrying about it at the moment as I have no control over when my death will happen.

Have you ever talked to anyone about your fears in general or your fear of death? Sometimes discussing a particular event can be helpful and calming. Perhaps talk with a group of friends about their feelings on the subject. List all reasons why you can expect a long time to elapse before you die. I know the circumstances of your friends' deaths is preying on your mind, but what is the likelihood of this happening to you?

I think it would be helpful if you can determine exactly what your of fear of dying is all about. What is it about death that scares you?

I hope you will reply.

Mary

BKYTH · ‎28-10-2015

Confronting the reality of death is probably the most challenging thing that we are forced to deal with. Of course all people have a primal dread of their own death. You pose a difficult question and, in fact, today can be your last day of life - For many people around the world it actually was and tomorrow will the last day of the life of many other peoples lives. Death, as you have experienced yourself, can occur suddenly. Both of my brothers died not that long ago and that occurred in a relatively short period of time. I have spent many years reflecting on the reality of death not because I have some morbid fascination with it but because it is something that people tend to avoid talking about and yet for all of us it is inevitable and unavoidable. It is, I think, a subject that all of us should confront and talk about openly with one another. I think it is important to ask oneself what is the nature of that fear. What is it that frightens you when contemplating the reality of your own death. That may sound naive as a statement as it would seem that the answer is self evident. After all all we know is life, consciousness and awareness, and we wish for that consciousness and awareness to continue forever because it is all that there is, all that we have experienced or know. Its impossible to discuss this issue with you under these conditions but to live well I think can only happen when an acceptance of death accompanies us throughout our journey. Death can, if understood, teach us a great deal about how to live - I don't think that one can fully appreciate having life, of being alive, without an awareness that one day life will outlive us and give birth to all that is waiting. All that will be when our own gift of life is shed and the stars and the heavens reveal themselves to others yet to see the wonders which await them. Philip.

TheSteve · ‎29-10-2015

Charlie, it is nice to hear from you. A fascinating topic this is, with some fascinating responses from White Rose and Bkyth above. I'll only add a couple of things here and not belabor the discussion given the quality of the responses above:

- If you are worrying minute to minute as to what will happen should you exit this world, then you are not really "living" so to speak. You are holding on to the illusion of permanence, the illusion of control over the fate of your little part of the universe. The worry is all consuming, and it is very important that you cut this off now and don't let it become habitual lest the quality of your life will deteriorate. Try hard to cut this thinking off, as it gets you nowhere and leads to a bad place. It is out of your control, period. Accept and surrender to it.

- When thinking about death, or meditating on impermanence, one of the most comforting thoughts for me is what it felt like before I was born. How did "I" feel at the time? What was "it" like? It certainly did not hurt, it was not uncomfortable, there was no pain. Just infinite peace in the absence of individual consciousness. Perhaps it is life that is the suffering, and not death? Acknowledging this can lead us to many great places, where we can find purpose and truly connect with others.

I wish you the best, come back and chat anytime.

Steve