I can't be who I want to be and I hate it

[Baileysmells]

I'm at the end of my first semester at uni, outside of one bigoted dude who sits next to me I have no acquaintances or friends, I have skipped the big party that happens every year, I feel like I'm generally missing out on the whole experience; aren't these supposed to be the best times of my life?

My anxiety has regressed a bit recently, I can't make a date anymore, talk to strangers comfortably or do phone calls again. So I sit here, lonely, the only person in the house because my sister has started dating, audibly sighing and waiting for the time to take my meds and sleep; this is my daily routine pretty much.

Even playing games with my now considered 'old friends' seems daunting, I can't be social even though it hurts to be alone. This is new to me, I was usually introverted, I preferred my time alone; recently it's sucked. I'm just starting to feel real tired, of all this fighting to get nowhere with my mental health, what can I do to regain my social confidence again? You're supposed to gain confidence with rejection but it feels like one step forward two steps back for me. I just wish I was that guy that can stop caring about his image to a detrimental extent and make friends, be myself; but I just can't. I can't be who I want to be.

This was mostly a vent but I am interested in any advice for university, the assessments I can keep up with but socially I'm at the end of the race

[blues23]

Hi Bailey 

not sure on the social aspect of uni ( I never went ) it’s hard in life to make friends ( like real friends) I don’t know if uni is the best time in anyones lives I think it would be hard all the study and pressure and stuff .  Socially outside of uni do u have any interests ? Go to gym ? Sports ect? This may be a good way to meet people .I struggle a bit in person myself lost a lot of confidence in myself  and stuff and don’t really want to try anything new so I know how u feel but I imagine in time it will get better . Try not to let these things party’s ect consume u , ( but if u want to go to a uni party ( can u take ur sister with u like as a support person ( a buffer) ? Keep trying don’t give up , but also don’t push yourself if your uncomfortable do small steps and gradually increase your social skills ( dating don’t rush on that point either dating is not all it’s cracked up to be 🙂)

[sbella02]

Bailey,

Thank you for posting, welcome back to the forums. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I understand how isolating these kinds of social experiences can be. 

I can understand your frustration with having social difficulties at uni. One thing to remember is that there's not necessarily any right way or pace to approach university, and that everyone's experience with aspects like making friends may differ. For me, I barely made any acquaintances in my first year, which was likely in part due to the pandemic. If your uni has any clubs or sporting groups, these can sometimes be really useful to check out, as you can find people of a similar age and with similar interests to yourself. 

Are you working at the moment? One thing that helped me when I was struggling socially during high school (and recently now in uni) was starting at a part-time job with people my age. Co-workers can be a great source of social support, whether it be through general conversation or extending those connections to a space outside of the working environment. 

If you're looking to gain social confidence, you could always have a chat to your GP or a therapist and they may be able to offer you some professional advice. Otherwise, one of my strategies, as someone who has previously struggled to talk to new people, is simply smiling at somebody. A smile can be so impactful, as it can also indicate to the other person that you're friendly and approachable. 

I hope this advice is helpful for you and as always, please feel free to reach out again if you need.

All the best, SB

[Baileysmells]

Joining a group or org. is lowkey terrifying to me, that’s why I skipped the party- because I’ll be alone and thrown in with strangers; just sounds tough. 

I do not work atm, my work just stopped sending me rosters and tbh I don’t feel much motivation to chase it up and begin working again. I’m so awkward at work for some reason anyway it sucks.

the problem is throwing myself into social situations, I want to so bad but my anxiety catches up to me

tbh blue, I feel like a relationship is one of the rare things that make me happy, being single since starting to date stings now. Especially since I’ve tried going on multiple dates this year and haven’t gotten past the first meet