Hyper aware of automatic bodily processes

[Mossman]

Hi,

I suffer from both social anxiety and general anxiety. I have been finding that for about the last two months I have become increasingly focused and self-conscious about how I am walking when in public. It starts with me being hyper aware of every physical sensation I feel when I am walking, particularly the actions of swinging my arms, to the point were I cannot think about anything else. I become extremely tense and awkward and I end up feeling like I am manually controlling how I swing my arms (something that should pretty much be an automatic function)

This makes me worry that I am walking in a really strange way and that people will think I am weird which makes it further harder for me to stop thinking about it.

I have done CBT therapy before and have found it useful for 'labelling' intrusive thoughts to create some distance and stop thinking about them. However, I am finding it much harder to stop thinking about the physical sensation of walking as I am constantly reminded of it every second as it is a physical feeling.

I am wondering if anyone has felt a similar way in regards to being hyper aware of how they are walking, as well as finding it hard to stop thinking about physical bodily sensations in general.

The thing is, I can usually rationalise it and understand that it really doesn't matter if I am walking weird - who cares, it doesn't define me, but it is more the lack of cognitive control in not being able to stop thinking about the physical sensation of walking. I am beginning to wonder that it may be some form of OCD. I similarly have a constant hyper awareness of my heartbeat all the time and find it very difficult to stop thinking about. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it is very tiring and makes me feel like I am dysfunctional. I have recently become quite depressed because of it.

I am seeing a psych at the moment and I will bring it up with him.

[Mishmo]

I can relate very well to what you are describing. It can be extremely frustrating. And I have been through many therapies to help this.

For myself (doesnt work for everyone) Applying CBT has been a good way to realise what I am doing, why I am doing it and then applying rational thinking to be able to accept these thoughts and feelings, then to normalise it as a part of who I am. And also telling myself I am who I am and what others think doesn't matter. But in saying this, it didnt happen over night (on top of psychological help ofcourse and medical assistance where needed also).

Bringing this up with your GP and psychologist is a great idea. They may have many other directions and helpful tools to help you come to an understanding of what it is you are doing and maybe why you are. But know, you are not alone and I am sure we arent the only 2 either. But also know, its okay to not be okay, you are seeking help and doing a great job at reaching out to find others who may be experiencing the same. That truly helps make us feel more accepted in society.

Feel free to express yourself here, many to listen and help where needed. Keep seeking your professional assistance too.

And keep being you. Walking normal or weird is OK either way. I sometimes walk weirder to over compensate the weirdness I am feeling inside. Like, when i feel i am walking weird and feeling eyes judging i walk weirder and pretend I'm being silly hahaha. Yes I let my weirdness out nowadays. Embracing my kind of different 🙂 and the hyper realisation of things is overwhelming at first, but with help I hope you can get a better understanding and the answers you need.

Here to chat anytime 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Mossman~

Being self-conscious about something to do with yourself is something many who have GAD and Social Anxiety have deal with at times and I think your idea of mentioning it to your psych is a good one.

To constantly feel you are in the eyes of others is most exhausting and can easily stop you from doing the things you want to or need to do.

As it is taking up a lot of your concentration have you considered being distracted at those times? I do not have quite the same problems as you (though we have GAD in common) but have found that using earphones/ear buds and listening to a podcast or audio book is a good and unobtrusive way of thinking of something else. Actually I enjoy them now.

Dunno if it will help you, do you think it worth a try?

Croix

[missep123]

Hi Mossman,

I am sorry that you have been going through this - as someone who has anxiety-related thoughts and rumination it can truly be exhausting.

A lot of people have told me that once they have focused in on something i.e. their heartbeat, they ended up magnifying it by ruminating which created a cycle of their heart beating faster and then worrying about their heart beating faster.

I think that is a great idea to bring it up with your psych, I really liked Croix's idea of listening to something with your earphones/earbuds in like a podcast, audio book or music. Would this be something you are open to?

Please know that you are not alone!

[Mark Z.]

Hi Mossman,

I'm sorry for what you're suffering, I don't have similar experience so I really cannot imagine how hard it is for you, it must be super frustrating.

But I can tell that you're doing absolutely right things, you went to the psychologist, who will help you diagnose, you come to this forum and I believe there're people with lived experience to share. So don't worry too much, you're already on the right track.

Hope you'll get better and better.

Mark

[Moonchild 11:11]

I can very much relate to your situation. For me my anxiety kicked into full flight around having the vax and hasn’t really left. I began having panic attacks with the main focus of my physical symptoms being around my heart palpitations and chest pain. I was prescribed medication and have been on it for approx 6 weeks. I have noticed a difference in regard to the panic attacks and being so hyper aware of my heartbeat but there is still awareness of the physical symptoms.. mostly muscle twitches and shooting pains. I find physical exertion is something I avoid out of fear of triggering myself. As I’ve been feeling more myself recently I felt confident to engage in physical intimacy with my partner last night. Immediately I noticed my attention was on my racing heart and today I’m feeling like I’m in a bit of a setback. I found myself checking my pulse again today to see if my heart was racing and am feeling a little defeated as those pesky negative thoughts are creeping back in… I’m trying to use my tools and tell myself it’s not helpful etc but I’m struggling today with feelings of the anxiety being back. I think this was made worse as I tried to speak to my partner about how I’m feeling regarding intimacy that I’m not enjoying it and she completely shut down on me and is not speaking to me at present. Im trying to focus on positive thinking and reminding myself that this is a journey but the struggle is real. I have nothing to really offer in the way of advice as I’m so new to all of this but I can definitely say I empathise with you and I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Better days are coming for us, we just have to remember baby steps. Much love xx

[Petal22]

Hi Mossman,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it can feel debilitating especially when we become fixated on it.

I suffered with severe anxiety OCD it was a very cruel condition to go through. I have now recovered from this condition thanks to the professional help I received.

While I went through this condition I would become fixated on certain things in my body…. I had horrible intrusive thoughts and I also performed compulsions some mental and some physical.

I also used to search symptoms on the internet this only made things worse I learned later that this was actually a compulsion of mine… I no longer do this.

Its great that you are seeing a psychologist has your psychologist been able to give you any helpful strategies?

I was diagnosed with my condition by a psychiatrist and I saw a clinical psychologist also. I also did an 8 week group therapy, the therapy I did was metacognitive therapy….. this therapy changed my life.

Ask me anything, your not alone.

[missep123]

Hi Mossman!

I just wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing recently!

[Mossman]

I truly appreciate your response - this was my first post here and I did not expect this kind of reception. It is incredibly refreshing to hear I am not alone in my problems. You have given me a burst of determination to continue to apply my therapies and practice accepting myself. Thank you.

[Mossman]

Hi Missep, thank you for checking in on me. I am feeling better this week. I have started to take some ssri's after consulting my with psych with the idea that it will help slow my brain down a little bit. I have tried these previously and they have helped me before, so i am feeling hopeful that they will help me again. I appreciate your follow up, thank you.