How do i deal with my abusive neighbour

[Guest_2574]

My neighbour adjoining my townhouse is psychologicaly abusive to me and my dog. I have nothing but polite and helpful to her. I have given her expensive things. Helped her pets out. Even bought her a washing machine. Never got a thankyou for any of it. I hadn't seen her out her front for awhile and even knocked on her door to ask r u ok? For quite awhile now shes been realy rude to me in subtle ways. Not once has she asked about my mental health. She gives me a slanty eyed look or avoids eye contact altogether. She knows im the least externaly angry person so knows it will bottle up inside me. Shes put a bin against the fence and piling her dogs poo in plastic bags up in it. You can imagine the smell on a hot day. I wish i could move where theres no humans but im stuck here

[YellowPoppy]

Hey,

Wish I could give you an easy option out.
Only thing I can think of is contacting council or a landlord or something like that. But considering you're posting in the anxiety forum that probably not going to be easy for you. Wish I could be more help, friend

YellowPoppy

[Alexlisa]

Hello,

Difficult neighbours are the worst, right! I can totally relate to the difficulties you’re having and know how stressful the situation can be. When I was in a situation like yours I felt like I could never get away from it because it was right there next to the safe space of my home.
What I found to be most helpful was to try to focus back in on myself and making my space feel safe again. It took me a while to realise that it was ok for me to turn inwards and focus on dealing with my own anxiety, rather than looking externally to solve the problem. Because when it came down to it, I couldn’t solve the problem- She wasn’t going to change and short of moving away I was stuck with it. I would say though that it is an absolutely valid reason to move away, if that’s what you decide is best for your quality of life. I would definitely have moved if I could have at the time.

I was feeling so uneasy in my home and became fearful of going outside, that I decided I wanted to feel safe again. Some things that I did do to help me block them out of my life (without being confrontational) was hanging curtains on the windows facing their house. You could plant a garden or hedge along the boundary. Or whatever type of barrier will work with your place to hide the view. I also made my space somewhere I wanted to spend time again by putting up some fairy lights and having guests around. Maybe it’s time to get creative ☺️

I also found practicing defusion to be pretty helpful. It’s a set of techniques in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). There’s plenty of info online and videos on YouTube. But it basically means recognising when you’re having anxious thoughts and then allowing them to be there without struggling with them. It helps you to take a step back from the anxiety.

Like Yellowpoppy mentioned, you may be able to contact a landlord or council, but it depends on the specifics of the situation. It sounds like it’s probably not wise to keep in contact with this person. Politeness is fine, but going out of your way seems to be leading to more distress for you. I hope this helps a little. I know how tough it can be, but it sounds like you need to put yourself first at this point.

Take care,

Alexlisa