High functioning anxious people.

[Pixie15]

I am not sure why I am writing this.

Maybe because I am a high functioning anxious person. It is something I can do when I feel that something needs to be done.

I would like to hear from other high functioning anxious people.

How do you cope? How do you deal with the need to do something when there is nothing to be done.

[Pixie15]

Hello Moonstruck,

I am trying to avoid telling people what to do at present. So although I did have some thoughts I will restrain myself to one question "If you are not considering doing it till the new year why are you worrying about it now?"

I waste an awful lot of time worrying about stuff that never happens.

[Moonstruck]

Pixie you can share any thoughts you may have - feel free if you want.

I know only I can make this decision......the reason I am debating the case now, is that if I don't intend continuing next year....the decent thing is to let him know before we begin the usual lengthy holiday break...and before he starts planning our program for next year.

I don't want to leave him in the lurch at the last minute......so I really have to give him some notice before the end of the year.......probably the sooner the better, but I am not 100% sure I am doing the right thing for myself.......deep down i know I don't want to continue....but I am too weak to say "No" to people. I don't have the guts!!

[Pixie15]

Hello Moonstruck. I am wondering how you are going with your dilemma. It did strike me when I reread your last post just now that you may suffer from being too nice and perfectionistic on the one hand and liking to be needed on the other. These are not necessarily negative things however they do cause me to worry about things more than necessary.

[Moonstruck]

Yes Pixie, that is exactly what I am suffering from.

someone here suggested I make a list of pros and cons whether to stay or go....easy! Plenty of Cons, just one Pro, but a biggie......the extra bit of money it brings in plus use and running cost of the computer which I work from at home and have years worth of personal stuff on as well.

I am not computer savvy and it seems a monumental task (if he insists on having the ancient computer back (now regarded in computer terms as "obsolete") in getting my personal documents, photos, emails etc from this one before giving it back. I have no idea what to do in that area.

hence I am "stuck" - feel very much like his "prisoner". I cannot get away. I am getting lower and lower about this as the end of the year approaches. As other things in my personal life build up and present more challenges and stress - I am getting more and more depressed. I have nothing to alleviate the depression and anxiety. I can't drink (due to medical condition) and my GP refuses to try anti-depressants.

Others on here have suggested trying another GP but having to start explaining my physical medical history from scratch, plus my mental health problems overwhelms me. Dr Kim (from this Forum) said it would not be ethical to see another GP behind this current one's back, or to see two GPs at once (one for physical condition, one for mental) So I am stuck there too.

Life is becoming bleaker and bleaker each day. it is a terrible feeling to be "imprisoned".

thanks for your interest.

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Moon,

It sounds like you know you want to end the relationship. Giving advance notice for next year is kind and sounds reasonable given the length of the relationship.

Before you do, the PC debacle is actually easy for someone with knowhow. I would guess your son could fix it up for you, it will just take time. Get a new laptop, transfer all the files to the new laptop. Easy Peasy. You could also pay a local computer store guy to help out too.

It sounds like it is the stress causing you to feel so down. Just keep making lists of your stressors and try to remove as many as you can (I know some are not possible but just work with what you can control).

Thinking of you dear friend xx

[Chris_B]

Moonstruck said:

Others on here have suggested trying another GP but having to start explaining my physical medical history from scratch, plus my mental health problems overwhelms me. Dr Kim (from this Forum) said it would not be ethical to see another GP behind this current one's back, or to see two GPs at once (one for physical condition, one for mental) So I am stuck there too.

Hi Moonstruck, sorry that you're having such a hard time at the moment. From what I can see, Dr Kim was concerned about your suggestion of using 2 GPs not because of ethical issues, but because of safety. Here is what she said:

"So, I don’t think you should confuse things by having 2 GPs as that could be dangerous for you in the end if they both prescribe things the other doesn’t know about."

Changing GPs is another matter, and if you don't feel you're getting the service you need from your current one, then it's within your power to change that. Yes, you will have to go through your medical history again, but if it's a choice between staying where you are with inadequate service and having to spend time in a double appointment with a new GP, then what have you got to lose?

[Pixie15]

Hello again Moonstruck,

Good to see that ChrisB has responded about the doctor thing. If you are lucky enough to see the same doctor all the time I would be reluctant to see someone else. It is hard if your life circumstances are contributing to your anxiety. It can leave you being a bit stuck I think because it is hard to decide that a change is necessary because there is always that doubt that it is the anxiety causing your wanting to make changes which would not be necessary if you were not anxious.

Maybe if you have other health issues an antidepressant would not be good for you.

Hope you escape soon if that is what you want to do.

[Moonstruck]

Good morning other high functioning anxious people.....

Just felt like putting down in words..what I decided, (if anyone is still remotely interested) about getting up courage to tell the boss I cannot continue next year etc. I reached a sort of "compromise" with myself, yes Ok, I may be just weak...but one I could tell him calmly and not feel so scared about.

the only things keeping me in this casual part time low paid position (with the convenience of working from home) was the small but very useful amount of extra money, personal use of and expenses re the computer.) it is not worth the stress it has been causing me..I am the "last man standing", the business is floundering.

the compromise I reached was to tell him next year will be my last one...I think I can handle another year, particularly if I know it is the final one. It also gives me more time to arrange my computer change-over procedures, transferring personal stuff etc - I know nothing of computer technical stuff).

I told him in person when I had the chance recently and he took it surprisingly well, no drama. I don't know if he was covering up or what...but said he had decided to wind things down in next couple of years anyway.....so do you think I did the right thing? I have no idea how the coming year will go...i only know I have no interest in the work, lack any motivation and my elderly boss is getting more and more forgetful and making unwise decisions that lead nowhere but waste time.. I wish I had had the guts to quit completely now.....but was too weak and scared of his reaction and of displeasing him...isn't that pathetic?

[Lost_Girl]

Dear Moon,

It is no pathetic to care about others feelings and reactions, it's all very "normal".

Now that you have paved the way you can get yourself a new pc and transfer all your bits over. Once you are all sorted and ready perhaps you can then go to him in the new year and say that you thought you'd be able to do another year but for personal reasons you can't commit to it. Then give a month's notice which is heaps of time for him to work it out and it shouldn't come as a surprise now.

You're not stuck.

[Pixie15]

Hello Moon,

Thanks for the update.

Hope you feel better now that you have resolved things. I do not think it is hopeless to worry about upsetting people. I think if you did not worry at all it would be anti-social.

It sounds like your decision was a compromise which provide a positive outcome for both of you. I would tend to want to mark the date on the calendar now and get on with thinking about more positive things.

cheers

Pixie