Hi, and wondering what my problem is!

[Andy88]

Hi all, 

I'm 25 and a Police Officer. I've been in the job for only four years and can't say I've every really thought the job has had an impact on me in a psychological sense. In saying that there's obviously been good days and bad days however I see that as being just like any other job, although I guess the difference is a bad day in a normal job might be getting the shits with your boss or a customer or a client, or being late, or sending an email to the wrong person, whereas a bad day in the cops might be a fatal accident or a suicide or anything. I get to see the best and worst in people and society as a whole which is special and a part of my job I love. 

I would say that I am an old head on young shoulders and I often get told I should really be a 50 or 60 year old! Perhaps this is because I am already looking forward to retirement at my ripe old age haha!

The reason I am here is to try and perhaps understand what is wrong with me, if anything, I think I may have some of the symptoms of anxiety and/or PTSD. In saying that I feel like I am making a big deal of nothing or blowing it out of proportion making how I feel something more dramatic than it is, as when I think about the term 'PTSD' I associate it with someone who's been in the job a lot longer than I have and has seen and done more. 

The guts of my situation is that just about every night when I goto bed, unless I am very tired I often take a long time to get to sleep. In that time (and some nights are worse than others) if I hear a noise, a creek, anything, or the dog barks at something outside, or I hear a car driving down my street which is pretty quiet and in a small town, I panic, lots. I can feel my chest thumping and automatically think someone is up to no good, or is going to break in, or do something, anything! I stare out the window, stare at the shadows on the wall from the light coming in just incase I see movement, or a torch, but hope that I see nothing. I hate the physical feeling of my chest thumping, I hate the panic and I hate the worry. 

The next morning I always think "well that was ridiculous". I don't know why I'm like this, I've never been broken into or had anything 'bad' happen to me, I can only assume that perhaps it might be associated with work in some way, or perhaps I'm just the worrying type… I don't know.

If you got this far thanks for reading and let me know what you think as I'd really appreciate some feedback. 

[Jo3]

Hi Andy

Can I just say that you guys do an amazing job. I can imagine that being in the police force is a tough job dealing with all sorts of people.

It sounds like you are suffering PTSD/anxiety.  Is there someone in your workplace that you can get some help? Even your GP?  I would imaging that the police force would have professional help for officers that need help.

 I wish you all the best, I hope you do seek help.

Hope you let us know how you go

Take care

Jo

[Andy88]

Thanks for replying Jo, and thank you for your comments, it's always nice to receive a thank you and know that not everyone hates us. 

Yes there are luckily a number of avenues that I am aware of, I just wanted to jump on here for an informal approach to it first, just to hear from others that may have experienced similar feelings such as the thumping / fluttering chest, or similar feelings of utter panic that later they realised were perhaps an overreaction. 

Last night was a particularly bad night, the worst I've had in a while, so that's why I thought I'd start searching for some support. 

Cheers, Andy. 

[Jo3]

Hey Andy,

I have had quite a few panic attacks before.  The last one was on a freeway while driving home from work in winter.  I pulled over on the side of the road and called the police station.  The officer on the phone kept me calm and stayed on the phone until an officer came to me.  They could see I was in a bad way.  In the meantime they called my husband and he came to pick me up.  If it wasn't for the officer at the police station I don't know what would have happened. I ended up giving him a box of chocolates to say thank you!

The chest thumping, you feel like you are going to pass out; trembling body and being so damn scared of not knowing what is going on.

I am seeing a psych and have been for 3 yrs and he gave me some coping skills to cope when I do have a panic attack - deep slow breathing, being mindful of where you are and just telling yourself that you will be okay.

I wish you all the best, hope you keep in touch here

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Andy, welcome to the forum and I,d just like to say I also think you guys do an amazing job. I come from a similar background to you. I don,t think you have too much to be worried about but having said that it wouldn't hurt to get it checked out. I would imagine that there are quite a few older police officers that would have had severe PTSD and been forced to retire because of it. Before you go and get yourself checked out though, I would be inquiring about income protection insurance and the like, I think you might find that you,ll be discriminated against when it comes to insurance. You guys do a tough job and I think the insurance premiums are a reflection of this. You are doing the right thing keeping tabs on your mental health in a very stressful job. The first psychologist I ever went to see was from the employee assistance program, I was 4 years into the job and had a complete nervous breakdown. I lasted 18 years before being medically retired,my latest diagnosis was chronic PTSD. My regrets are not ticking the little box that said extra income protection on my superannuation and not being able to stick the job out for another year when they gave out redundancies. But such is life. I have never experienced the symptoms you have explained, I think they are DEFFINATELY worth getting checked out. Just beware insurance companies and human resources. I would be happy to answer any questions you might have of me. Good luck Andy.

[Pixie15]

Hi Andy,

I think police do a great job too. You probably see the best and worst of humanity. If you are only worried at night going to sleep, and everyone is vulnerable at night, have you tried doing some practical things to make yourself feel better. Listening to music or watching something that makes you laugh. If you had a dog you would know that you will be alerted if there is danger. Whatever helps you feel safer. Peace.

[Andy88]

Jo, I've not experienced anything like that before however I could only imagine that would be quite scary. 

I'm sure your thank you to the person that helped you would have gone a long way. 

Andrew. 

[Andy88]

Hi Stephen, 

Thanks for the reply. 

The thing I'm concerned about in talking to someone at work / EAP is the stigma of "you've only been in the job for four years", and I don't necessarily want anything recorded on my personal file at work at this stage. 

I guess I'm just testing the waters to see what others such as yourself have experienced and if they're in any way similar to what I've felt. 

Having seen quite a few people even in my short time get out of the job on medical grounds that seems quite a stressful process in itself. 

Thanks again for your reply and I'm hoping you're doing well.

[Andy88]

Hi there LevelGround, 

Thanks for your comments I appreciate it. 

Andrew. 

[Chris_B]

Hi Andy88,

My experience with using EAP is that the process is entirely confidential. The workplace only gets told how many employees have accessed the service, as they get billed for it, but they don't get told names and nothing from your counselling sessions should be disclosed to anyone without your permission.  But you can always give them a call anonymously and check this out before you make an appointment.

EAP is there for any issues you're having to do with work stress, the psychologists who see you should be non-judgmental but again you can discuss this over the phone before you see someone.

best
CB

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Online Community Manager