Help PLEASE I have a near 18 year old so overwhelmed, who will now not get out of bed.

[Joan65]

Hi everyone. Hoping someone has some fabulous tips that have worked to get us out of this storm. I am a single mum, with a 17 and a half year old son in secondary school. Over this last period of Victorian lockdown, he has got himself to the point that he is not attending online classes and sleeping in until the afternoon. He has a heavy school load and I know this feeling of overwhelmnous is the contributor to his avoidance of any school work. He has begrudgingly gone to a few physcology sessions in the past 5 weeks but I dont feel it is helping. I have emailed the physcologist last night to ask what I can do to help. The problem is my son won't seek any extra help. He is not listening to me at the moment. Technology is a major issue and contributor. I know the obvious answer is to cut off the internet but that isnt feasable. Any input will help me

Thanks for reading.

[Guest9337]

Good afternoon Joan65, welcome to bb forums today.

Single mum, has contact psychologist. Not being heard by son. Believes technology major issue/contributor, holds answer is cut off internet lacks feasibility.

17 year old son school not attd online classes, sleeping in until afternoon, heavy school load, begrudging of pscyhological help,

***** thanks for reading my synopsis of your words! Does all that look about right?

I am a 48 year old male with a recent education degree from charles darwin uni and have tutored students privately since 1991 on and off between other stuff.

Recently I have been seeing more stress from students and parents just with day to day living in this new covid world! Like freaky, so much is changing so fast.

Let alone all the various individual stressors aside from covid stress.

So people respond to stress in different ways, some will buckle down harder and thrive, some will plod along doing ok/fine passing, some will have big parties for achievements, some will stay in bed! and more options too!

You son has ended up in the sleeping in till arvo option.

How has he expressed being overwhelmed before?

Is the sleeping in something new entirely or did the sleeping in occur first of all about something else?

I'm just building a more thorough picture here Joan. Trying to figure out how long Son has been experiencing stress. We all do deal with stress, so we want to go right back to when Son WAS dealing good with stress, and think/feel about that time... then aim to bring those healthy ways Son already was dealing with stress into todays new situation.

Cheers, I am here to help, love dng.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Joan,

I'm a mother with teenage children. Whilst fortunately my children are fine and I don't need to worry about them, I've been feeling very overwhelmed myself. Here are a couple of little things that I do every morning to get me out of bed:

1. look forward to something small - I love chocolate so I have a daily ritual of some chocolate-time.

2. "don't think and just do it" - If I think about having to face another dreadful day, I would just delay getting up which then cascades into over-thinking and so on and so on. Instead I try to block out any thoughts and just focus on the physical action of getting my body out of bed.

I need to keep things simple for myself.

If you copy-and-paste this and email it to your son, would he read it? This way the words are not coming from you.

Take care.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Joan, 

We're really sorry to hear how the lockdown is affecting your son's mental health. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job of helping him to access support. Nevertheless, it's a hugely difficult thing to be going through for both of you.  
Here are a few things you might find useful: 

• Our website pages about supporting young people with depression  
• A previous thread where other forum users have discussed supporting and communicating with a young p... 
• Our pages on looking after yourself when supporting someone.  

Remember our phonelines are open to you, and to your son 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. You could also call KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.  
You could also remind him that all of these services are available through webchat, if that's preferable for him: 

• Beyond Blue 
• Kids Helpline 
• Lifeline 

We're really glad you could share here with our community. Please know that our community are here to listen and offer their kind support to you during this difficult time. Please feel free to keep updating us here whenever you feel ready to. 

Kind regards,  

Sophie M

[Summer Rose]

Hi Joan

Welcome to the bb forum.

I can tell from your post that you are very concerned about your son and that you are really working hard to support him. He is very lucky to have a mum like you.

I’ve been in a similar situation with my daughter (however pre-Covid), so have a few suggestions.

Getting up. Movement without time to think works. Up and in the shower. Sometimes mindfulness before moving also works. This gives him a chance to work through the anxiety before having to face the day. It’s trial and error here to find what works best for him.

Sleep. It’s important to gently wind back the time he gets up. Aim for a half an hour earlier each day. At the same time, encourage him to do some exercise each day so he’s hopefully more tired at night.

School. If he’s fallen really behind he may be feeling overwhelmed and like he’ll never catch up and therefore give up rather than feel he’s failed. However, if he has a diagnosis of a mental health condition “reasonable adjustments” to his course load can be made. They actually only need four VCE subjects to graduate.

So, see if he will agree to a chat with school about what support will help him. Less subjects might mean he can manage his course load better and do well. And if he’s doing well he’s more likely to want to do the work. All the other kids are choosing subjects to benefit them and it’s perfectly ok for him to do the same.

Try not to worry about his grades. Your stress won’t help. No amount of pressure will help. There are many pathways and supports available if he should need them. One step at a time.

Psychologist. It’s great that you’ve reached out. I would ask your son if you could attend the last 10 minutes of his next appointment, so they can bring you into the loop. If you don’t think the treatment is working and/or you don’t like the treatment plan, listen to your instincts. Find someone new.

Technology. You can’t just disconnect the internet, true. But you can set it so the modem switches off at a certain time and then comes on again at a set time. If that’s too hard, unplug the modem when you go to bed.

You. What you’re going through is really tough. It’s important to look after yourself. Do something nice for yourself each day—read, listen to music, take a walk, call a friend. Whatever works for you.

Happy to chat anytime.

Kind thoughts to you

[Sophia16]

Hi Joan,

I'm sorry to hear that. You've tried your best and that's all that matters.

I am currently in NSW and we have a 4 week extended lockdown so I understand how overwhelmed your son feels, especially as a high school student.

I recommend adding new things to his repetitive routine such as exercising. There are new apps that contain a variety of workout routines. Working out will boost his adrenaline rate which will help his concentration levels. 20 minutes of exercise before studying can improve his focus on learning.

With the technology, it is his only way to socialise with his friends as well as creating a coping mechanism. You can cut off his technology use during the mornings whilst leaving it during the evening. This will create a set time.

Facetime and houseparty are good face-to-face video apps that can be used to socialise with friends again. This will stave off feelings of loneliness whilst increasing his happiness and wellbeing.

I hope this helps!