Help! I need to justify a big life decision taken in the middle of major anxiety.

[Kgf]

We need to move house as our landlord is developing. We were rejected for one house and I went into a tailspin. I immediately dropped our distance criterion and started looking in other suburbs out of fear of being homeless. We have just signed the lease on a property that is 15 mins drive from our daughters school and further to my husbands work. My husband agreed to it I think just to stop me being anxious. Unfortunately I am now having constant panic attacks and crying in front of the children.  It is a lovely house but so far away.  We are not from sydney and know nothing of the area we are moving to. My husband is away all weekend and I have no other support. Yearly to six monthly moves and social anxiety keep me mostly at home. I am experiencing waves of fear that are uncontrollable.  I need reassurance please.

[AGrace]

Hi kgf,

I have a print hanging in my house that quotes "what I love most about my home is the people I share it with". Home is anywhere you are where you feel loved and can be yourself. 

I wonder whether the anxiety would have still risen if you'd chosen a different house? Possibly...

If you find that frequent moving prevents you from a secure job, have you considered volunteering in your new local community?  This might give you a sense of achievement, a place where you dont need to commit for any longer than you can, and a chance to discover your new surroundings and the people.

You could also see if any assistance is needed at your child's school and get to know your community here. Settling into any place that's new can cause worry and a bumpy ride. Rather than staying home, go and explore that new suburb and see what hidden gems you find.

Do you share with your husband how you feel? How does he feel about your new house? Does he have any issues with the distance to his work? Are you speaking to anyone about your anxiety? 

Im pleased that you reached out to us and I hope that you will find here the reassurance you are seeking.

AGrace

[Kgf]

Hi AGrace,

thank you for your kind and considered reply.  I am feeling much better now. I have been focussing on the positives and trying to ignore my inner catastrophiser.  My husband is very supportive, thankfully, and has been helping me to think more clearly. I think we will be very happy in our new home.  Moving doesn't get any easier the more often you do it, I've noticed.  

Thanks again,

your words were very helpful.

k

[white knight]

Hi Kgf,

Ag had some good advice eh.  Also adding to that your anxiety seems clearly like mine in the 1980's.  

Try to ask yourself if your thoughts are realistic. It is clear to me that 15 minutes is not an unacceptable distance to take your child to school nor is longer than that to work.

Try to take things to their max then think again. eg  90 minutes to work is not good nor sustainable. 40 minutes about max.  so 25-30 minutes is acceptable.  Good luck

[AGrace]

I know what you mean. It's one of those tasks where you wish you had someone like Mary Poppins, or at least a pair of Dorothy's red shoes!

Take it in small chunks, and don't feel you have to unpack everything all at once on the other side. Reward yourself once your done.

On a more positive note, it gives us a chance to get rid of all those things that we never seemed to really use/like.

AG