Heartbroken

[Minniemin]

Hi Guys,

I have just had my boyfriend of 5 months break up with me. I believe he is suffering from anxiety and possible undiagnosed adhd. I think it started a month ago around Christmas as he had started pulling away from me and didn't want to discuss our relationship. But the trigger happened 3 weeks ago. We fought and he though I broke up with him ( his last 2 exs left him without warning) and he stopped being affectionate and messaging and calling me. He told me that he still loved me and his feelings hadn't changed but he had no emotions to give to me. I decided to try and fight for us. Then a week and a half ago he told me he had to let me go as he couldn't give me anything as he now felt nothing at all. He couldn't feel a single thing for me. But said he couldn't feel it for anyone even family except his kids. I continued to want to work it out and he has said he is now done and can't do it anymore because there is not a single feeling or emotion in him. Completely blank. Not even feeling bad about the breakup and the hurt he has cause for 3 weeks. It seemed to happen overnight that the love was not there anymore and he agreed that it just stopped. Every feeling and emotion in him was gone. But that none of it was about me. It was all him. I am struggling with this as he says he still feels emotions for his kids. And I am wondering if it is an excuse to breakup without being the bad guy. Can anxiety or something else really cause a complete shut down of any emotions or feeling? When he has them for his kids still? And why can he not see or understand that this could be temporary and is throwing away a relationship that even he said was amazing and wanted forever before this happened 3 weeks ago? Is there no thought process to give him that understanding? I am so confused and hurt and frustrated. And really don't know what to think or do.

[white knight]

Hi welcome

I'm sorry this has happened. I've had 4 relationships all 7 years+ in length so know it is hard to take.

There is some things in your post that wave red flags to me. I'd like to discuss them and hope you'll see my views and digest them, even if you disagree, thats fine.

I believe he is suffering from anxiety and possible undiagnosed adhd.

It is never a good idea to link emotions or situations with mental illness especially undiagnosed. If there is no diagnosis then its guesswork

We fought and he thought I broke up with him

So there was a conflict/argument. Some people realise after an argument it isnt going to work.

( his last 2 exs left him without warning)

A golden rule is not to tie other past relationships in with your own. This makes it a situation that attempts in justifying the recent events with his past loves. Although actions could be similar it isnt helpful to ever mention past loves and link the behaviour up.

I decided to try and fight for us

Thats honourable but not necessarily the best thing to do .Desire for a reltionship to continue is a two way thing so the process is to let your feelings known then wait for a reply. If he remains aloof, silent, then that's his choice and desire. It's tough but it's also a matter of choice.

But said he couldn't feel it for anyone even family except his kids... Then... I am struggling with this as he says he still feels emotions for his kids. He couldn't feel a single thing for me

Again, totally separate feelings for different people. Youre "struggling" with this. I think his statement says a lot, it says there isnt hope for a future. I'm sorry to say that but it's how I see it.

Not even feeling bad about the breakup and the hurt he has cause for 3 weeks.

Not many people intend to inflict hurt when they break up. It is the result however.

Can anxiety or something else really cause a complete shut down of any emotions or feeling?

Not likely, but we are not trained professionals eg psych's. I have had anxiety.

And why can he not see or understand that this could be temporary

If it's temporary he'll contact you within a couple of weeks.. No amount of talking to him from yourself will hurry that along.

And really don't know what to think or do.

There is lifeline and the BB number at the bottom of this page if you feel desperately in need of help. The fact is that he appears (from your post) he has moved on and if he hasnt he would have express that or that he needs time.

It's sad, I'm sorry

TonyWK