Hello Kay-1471,
Reading your post it seems things are very overwhelming for you.
Do you still see a psychologist to talk through everything that you are feeling and experiencing? If not,that maybe a plan to action. Or at least a counseller.
When you feel strong anxiety do you have coping strategies?
I always try to ask myself first “Is the thought reasonable? Is the thought rational?” for the situation you are in. Like if I am in a carpark and someone honks me or whatever, I ask myself if it was reasonable for that person to honk at me. Whether the answer is yes or no, asking myself if it rational to hold onto that incident and then let it consume my time,rather then being in the actual moment, the answer is no. It isn’t rational to hold onto something so trivial and let my greedy anxiety monster gobble that up and grow bigger.
If my anxiety likes to take a small incident and then like playdough twist and turn it and create something that isn’t what reality looks like,you can say out loud to yourself.”That isn’t what happened.” Or ”That isn’t the truth.”And leave it there. Don’t allow your anxiety to take that sentence and then embellish more words onto it. It will take some practice,but shutting down your anxiety like a slam dunk can be quite powerful.
Mindfullness breathing or grounding yourself is hit and miss with some people. But if you are one of the people it works for,go for it. Ground Yourself: 5 things you can see,4 you can feel,3 you can hear,2 you can smell and 1 you can taste.
Some people like to journel,instead I like to start singing a song over my anxiety voice until I have concentrated on the lyrics soo much, that I can’t remember what the last few anxiety words my head said. I started off with Scatman as it was just really fast. I sing Bicycle by Queen and the person who introduced this to me sings Keep on Moving by Five.
I am sorry about your mother. Grief waves can come unexpectedly and at anytime. Self-love and self-care in those moments are essential for you. A hot chocolate or tea. Being near a soothing sound like waves,a river, waterfall or even crickets can help ease the tension from your body. Calling someone who understands the situation and can be a supportive ear for a small chat. Or thinking about a good memory that can warm you up.
Most of all,you just have to do what you have here. Post. Talk to others or read others posts. Keep trying and researching articles that may help you. Anxiety isn’t who you are. You are who you are. And you do have the power and the hope to keep tackling it. That makes you brave, strong and resilient.
I hope I have helped in someway.Even if it is just one sentence.
ABC01
