Health Anxiety My living nightmare!!!!

[Health_Anxious_Mummy]

Hi , first time here

as you’ve probably already guessed I suffer with health anxiety it all started 6yrs ago with a major panic Attack which required an ambulance and a stay in hospital as I really thought I was dying and new nothing about what a panic Attack was until that day , fast forward to now & cut a long story short I was diagnosed with a thyroid issue have been on medication now for a few years and it seems to be ok but it can sometimes play up which can increase my anxiety pretty bad when my levels are out I’m also on medication to try and combat the anxiety but sometimes when I’m really worried and anxious it doesn’t do a great deal . Like at the moment , about 6 weeks ago I was out with my husband and 2 year old and we were in a shop and I was literally fine talking away not thinking of a thing and then out of no where I got a very severe pain in the side of my head so bad I felt a bit sick and had to sit down it didn’t last long maybe 1min if that and it was gone had a couple of twinges later in the afternoon but nothing more after that and I have never experienced anything like it before as you can imagine for someone with health anxiety this has now caused me to think I have a brain tumour I thought not much more about after it happened and thought I was ok but last week I had a similar thing just not painful when I was driving my son to swimming I started to feel strange in my head and really foggy and kept zoning out and really struggled to sit through his lesson because I felt like something awful was about to happen , so now since last Tuesday I’m in a completely full blown anxious state and fearing the worst that I have a brain tumor as I have a sore neck and continue to have sharp pains on my head I don’t have headaches but I do feel off balance and really feel like I’m lacking concentration and my memory is shocking and getting stuck on words this is really worrying me I’m in such a state I do have an appointment with my doctor on Friday. I wish so MUCH I could just be normal and be like oh well whatever like when my husband has anything wrong he just doesn’t even think twice about it I wish so much I could feel the same but I just continue to go in a vicious cycle last month was esophageal cancer because I have reflux before that I was convinced it was my heart because my reflux was playing up I literally have had every test possible apart from a brain scan and all are always fine aside from my thyroid and low iron .

[jess334]

Hi Health Anxious Mummy,

Welcome to the forums. It's a great place to find like minded people, usually with plenty of experience and advice.

The pain you described sounds awful. I would probably worry too if I felt that. I have a general anxiety disorder, but often it does result in stressing about medical issues. Last month I went to the hospital with chest pains, that turned out to be a pulled muscle. But better to be checked out than not!

You mention you are on medication for your anxiety, so I assume you have a mental health plan? Are you also seeing a psychologist or councillor about your anxiety? I find that going over some of the coping techniques with my psychologist can really help me deal with the anxiety when it occurs.

Kind thoughts, Jess

[Ash81]

Hi,

its my first time here and I just wanted to say I could’ve written your post! I found it so helpful to know it’s not just me scared of my health and my husband also fobs off his ailments! I think I’m nuts! I’m on medication also but if I see a bruise my mind thinks leukaemia! I also suffered from head aches and severe migraines for about two weeks. I would get pangs here and there in my brain. My husband took me to the dr literally picked me up off the floor because I was convinced I had a brain tumour and was on the verge of a panic attack. The dr told me to squeeze both his hands and touched my forehead whilst my eyes were squeezed closed and asked if one side was more numb than the other which it wasn’t. He also checked my reflexes and they were all good. I did a brain scan anyway because I knew I would keep thinking about it otherwise. Thank god it was clear. Then it went to breast pain and I did an ultrasound on that too and it was fine. Then I kept getting pelvic pain which I presume is from the anxiety as I never had digestive issues before. I have done two pelvic ultrasounds which show there is a lesion on my left ovary. This result has had me in bed all week. I haven’t taken the kids to school for two days. Even though the dr said there is no blood going through it so it’s not god forbid cancer I’m still sooooo scared and don’t want to go for the MRI to see exactly what it is. Even the sonographer told me it wasn’t cancer because I was crying uncontrollably so I think he told me just to calm me down. I’m replying to you so u know it’s not just u that I’m exactly the same. Hope this helps and please reply hopefully your doing ok?

[Health_Anxious_Mummy]

Hi Ash , I’m so glad you wrote to me I think I have literally just found my twin everything you have just written has been me all over i too think all of what you do and more over every little thing I was on the leukaemia thing over a couple of bruises just a few months ago but they went away because I must have bumped myself but I was adamant it was leukaemia . I also have had pelvic issues I had all those test in August last year and was convinced it was ovarian or cervical cancer and was in a right state about it but it was just some scarring from my c section causing issues feb this year I was most certain I had bowel cancer I was that worked up I made myself sick cried everyday and lost weight and put myself through the hell of a colonoscopy & $2000 out of pocket which came out completely clear aside from a few small haemorrhoids which were removed . now because I got that massive pain in my head and have been feeling confused and foggy which I know can be anxiety ( I also have a thyroid issue) for the last 6wks I’m convinced I have a tumor, I saw my Dr today thank god he’s understanding he isn’t worried but he’s sent me for a CT which is Monday and back to the dr on wed so now I’m really in a state I just keep picturing him ringing and saying you better have someone with you when you come in or ringing to say come in now that’s the things that run through my head constantly and I lose my breath and want to vomit just picturing myself in hospital because I’m having cancer treatment away from my 2yr old son and husband that’s how extreme I think on a daily basis I constantly worry about my health even though I go to the gym almost everyday or walk 6km even doing those activities I’m thinking what if I just collapse from a brain haemorrhage or heart Attack my mind doesn’t stop I’m always in a vicious circle I have months & months where I’m great but then bang I go to where I am now I am hoping my thyroid levels are out that would explain these issues and anxiety but he doesn’t think they are as they were done two months ago and were fine but he checked again today anyway. So this weekend sux for me , Monday I’m dreading & Wednesday I’m petrified. Hang in there your MRI will be fine these little scarring and lesions can be from having kids that’s all mine was . Thank you for reaching out to me I hope your doing ok and me well I’m just trying to take deep breaths and get through the next few days hopefully Wednesday afternoon I will feel a lot better. X

[Ash81]

Oh hun we are a pair aren’t we! I went and saw my usual gp this morning after not sleeping all night having night sweats just picturing the MRI and it’s result. She said don’t go do a MRI that if it was sinister it would’ve shown on the first two ultrasounds. She said my anxious mind isn’t reading the part where there is NO BLOOD FLOW going through it which if it was cancer there would be. I keep reading the results so what she did is write on it ITS NOT CANCER and signed her name to it. I keep re reading that so hopefully my mind can just play that over at night instead of it focusing on ‘unknown small lesion’ and start sweating like crazy! I’m on medication at the moment I’ve been on it for 5 weeks now she said if I don’t get better that she will increase the dose and I’m going to start counselling.

You’re braver than me. You are going to get the tests done I’m too scared to get any more tests done because I literally shake and act like a child during the test then can’t even drive there to get the result. It’s the result that has me stuck. Why aren’t I registering that it’s not something so sinister?!

I didn’t have caesareans with my kids they were normal deliveries so then my mind says how can it just be a lesion if u were never cut from the inside.. I saw a naturopath who has helped with my digestive issues and she did me a live blood test. Can u maybe get onto one? It’s a small prick and then they show u ur red n white blood cells. She explained that if there was any cancer in my body that it would show and thank goodness she said it looked good except for my iron and a bit of thyroid. Honestly if your dr wasn’t scared it was a tumour and he checked ur reflexes and told u to squeeze and that other stuff then it’s not. I know exactly how u feel and you won’t believe me or anyone until you see the results. Have u had a full blood count recently? The ER dr told me that mine was fine and if there was any sign of the dreaded C word something in my blood would be out of whack.

I know ur feeling guilty on top of it. We want so desperately to go back to being ‘normal’ but this damn anxiety is the worst thing! Are u seeing anyone for it? Are u on any medications? You can always talk to me. They gave me medication to try and calm down it’s just made me a bit dizzy but hasn’t stopped the thoughts.

[Health_Anxious_Mummy]

Hi lovely ,

ha yes a great pair alright just as bad as each other lol , that’s fantastic news , see so now it’s time to try and focus and put this nasty thing called health Anxiety to bed you’ve done the hardest part which is the tests and you got through it and you are FINE, this is what I’m hoping to do for myself on Wednesday after 3.30 i have the CT tomorrow and go to my GP on Wednesday .

Believe me hun I’m far from brave I’m actually a crazy mess but I’m good at hiding it sometimes but inside my head is filled with thoughts of health problems and whenever my doc orders a test even though he may think I’m fine but just wants to check , i then argue with myself to think maybe I don’t need it and I’m overreacting I will cancel then I think but if I don’t go and there was something there I would blame myself for not going in the first place and getting it early that’s how extreme I go and then just like you I’m a mess waiting for the results and every time my phone rings I near pass out then getting to the dr I’m fine but pulling up and getting out of the car I literally want to vomit , pass out & my blood pressure goes really high because I’m so worked up and I always make my husband leave our office to come every time and I’m always really irritated and moody when I’m having to go through these moments and I feel awful because I’m so quick tempered and snappy at times but I just can’t stop looking around at everyone and thinking how much it’s not fair that I could have a very serious illness and everybody else is ok and enjoying life (ridiculous huh ) but it’s a really hard state of mind to snap out of .

My GP didn’t do the physical cognitive test but he asked me about vision and hearing and was watching my eyes and mouth whilst I was speaking and said he’s not worried but we will just check I think he does the tests for my peace of mind , yes I just had two full blood work ups and both were fine aside from slightly low iron which I’ve had since having my son and I’m on iron supplement for that .

Yes im on medication have been for 3 yrs but I only take half he said to take a full tablet but I feel all strange if I do so I don’t want to but maybe will have to up the dose . I have had everything under the sun in the past to calm me down but it did Didly squat the thoughts were still there .

Im not seeing anyone yet but I have asked that I want help and he said just get this test and we will then talk about it on Wednesday. I really want to fix this .

[Health_Anxious_Mummy]

Where in Australia are you ?

I see 81 so I’m guessing that’s your year of birth I’m 84 .

Im looking forward to seeing a phsycologist and really trying to overcome this . It would be great to chat to you and the same goes for you your welcome anytime if you need to talk . It’s awesome to have someone who understands completely and wholeheartedly what I’m going through , nobody at all aside from my husband knows I suffer with this and our closest family is 6hrs away from where we live and I’m a stay at home mum to our toddler whilst my hubby runs our businesses so you can imagine how overactive my mind is on a daily basis. As I’m alone pretty much all the time aside from my little man who is a challenging and spirited toddler lol so that doesn’t help either .

[Ash81]

I’m in Melbourne. Hopefully u have had the CT scan at his morning? Trust me if you have and they let u leave then there is NOTHING to stress about cos they wouldn’t let u leave if they saw something. So if Tuesday comes and u havnt received a call then u should feel better even though I know u won’t until u see it in black and white!! even though my dr said it’s ok I’m still s*#t scared! I keep saying now I have to check it again now I know there is something there I can’t be 100% at peace u know? I’m thinking of just going to a gyno but the minute I think of going there my heart starts racing and I sweat and feel I can’t walk... I wish they had just said yes all normal so I could deal with the anxiety alone without being plagued with the ovary stuff! Yes I’m snappy too! Like how dare people just walk around laughing whilst I’m stressed to the max! Why are they sitting for coffee and lunch? Why are they healthy? I know it sounds mean but that’s how it feels. I so hope u have done the ct scan (I cried during mine)... please let me know how u go xxx yes I’m 1981!! Even though I feel like I’m 1941 😫

[Health_Anxious_Mummy]

Hey 👋

I’ve had the CT done my appointment was the last of the day at 4.30 and I had to have the contrast dye as well which apparently is standard procedure so they can see all the arteries properly so of course I got myself in a mess about that thinking what if I’m one of the people that stop breathing from it but I’m here typing so I survived only side effect was hot flushes and a bit of nausea but it all passed within 20mins I ended up being upfront with the girl and told her I was worried although I felt awkward asking I did say was there anything you could see & she said that the pictures that flash up to her during the scan she doesn’t see all of them as it divides the brain up into sections but she said from what she could see nothing jumped out at her that was obvious sooo I’m saying to myself that’s good but then I’m thinking maybe she just said that . But the worst thing is they gave me the pictures to take with me so of course I’ve had them out all evening just staring over and over and going to google to compare 🤦🏼‍♀️ So there is nothing glowing or anything that looks different or out of place but then I’m saying to myself who knows I’m not a Dr so I’m on edge and very shaky and nervous as she said Dr will have the results by lunchtime tomorrow so I’m so scared my phone will ring I feel sick and yes your totally right I won’t rest until it’s in black & white .

I don’t think you should go to a gyn if your doc said your ok and not to worry then listen to her I’m slowly learning although sometimes I will not be satisfied I push through until the thoughts disappear but i totally understand how you feel with not feeling at peace but that’s the anxiety taking over and talking.

Haha yep I can relate I’m 1984 but feel 1944 🙉 and I’m in NSW in the far north coast just before QLD 💜

[Ash81]

Hi, I’m so glad u had it done. If they didn’t keep you then and there then you’re fine that’s what my dr told me. She said they wouldn’t let u sleep one more night if there was a tumour! I hope that gives a little relief. I have an appt with my psych on Thursday as I don’t feel like I’m getting better... same negative and worried thoughts over and over. Don’t even want to take the kids to school.. I can feel like ovary pain and I’m convinced something is growing in there! This is the worst thing I’ve had to deal with.. you can always talk to me. It’s hard not having family around but my family don’t know any of what is happening to me (apart from my amazing husband and my sis in law). My mum is a liver transplant patient and also had a sarcoma five years ago so I think that’s scarred me a bit too... I just want to wake up in the morning and not have these thoughts...