Hard start to the year

[Heidi_1]

hey everyone, 

This year hasn’t gone the way I want it to and it’s only the start, looks like I might be in for another tough one. I just feel like it’s never going to get easier to constantly fight with the battle in my head, I’m worried I might just give up fighting, it’s extremely tiring, it’s like I’m fighting a losing battle. People tell me it will get better and it’s not going to last forever but it certainly doesn’t feel like it.I’m exhausted and it’s so hard to get up and do things. When does things start to get better? Let’s hope the next few weeks are looking up. 

[smallwolf]

hello.

when things don't seem to be getting better it is natural to wonder if or when things might change. I have a story to tell that might help. Well, it is not really a story but ... my journey in life is like going to the top of the mountain. There will be times when things don't turn out right (negative thoughts etc) and this is like going down into a valley. At some point in time the valley stops and you start to go up again. And on the way up, you may find another path to take, one that might be easier. When you went down into the valley, you were not as low as the start.

It sucks when people who are well meaning can say something that might not be helpful in the moment. And I don't know what has happened to you now, or in past years. Or what help or support you have been getting? If you want to talk about any of this ...  I am around some time each day.

[therising]

Hi Heidi

Can relate to smallwolf's analogy, regarding the valley and finding a different path. I'm hoping this is the year where you find new paths and they're packed with light and great forms of guidance.

Wondering whether one of the paths could relate to getting in touch with and testing your ability to feel. When I started to head down the path of exploring sensitivity, I was led to a different way of looking at it. The ability to sense = sensitivity. So, what to do with an ability that feels more like a curse at times?

If you can feel depressing and hopeless comments don't doubt what you sense. Does 'Everything will turn out okay' feel uplifting/inspiring or do the words feel empty, without promise? How about 'I'll be there guiding you through this challenge and if at any time things feel dark, I'll be there to shed light', in comparison?

Changing 'Why am I feeling the way I am?' to 'What am I feeling/sensing and why am I feeling/sensing it?' can be helpful. While I have the ability to feel what depresses me, things aren't always clear at first. Helps to have an open minded person wondering with you. My husband's definitely not one of those people, based on a comment he occasionally makes. With him asking 'Are you okay?', my response on occasion may be 'No, I can feel myself in a downshift and I don't know why'. While he could say 'That's no good, let's work out why' he tends to say 'I hate hearing that because I love you so much. It really hurts me'. He then walks away. What the...?! Initially, I used to feel an intense downshift along with a thud in my chest (aka heartbreak), then over time I began to sense a 3rd feeling, a rise to fury. You could say at 1st I feel the depressing nature of being left alone to work things out for myself, then I feel what it does to my soul and then I feel the truth. Truth is...he doesn't like to feel discomfort which is why he walks away from it. He's inclined to love in ways that are comfortable to him. Love isn't designed to always be comfortable. You know you're truly loving someone when you can feel their pain while not leaving them alone to stay in it.

All feelings are telling. Being so, it becomes less about 'I need to stop feeling so much' and more about 'I need to start feeling more precisely'.